My goal this Fall is to post on Mondays the series “The sex you want” and Thursday I will post a short mission, something fun you can do with your spouse.
I spend a lot of time reading about sex – Christian books, secular books, how to manuals, research studies, therapy books – and trust me, there is no lack of opinions. It can be easy to get caught up in what the latest book says and so it is with awe and respect that I have to constantly remind myself, “Go back to the source. What does God say about sex, what does the bible say?”
The passage that immediately comes to mind is Song of Songs 5:1 when God tells the newlyweds that have just consummated their marriage, “Eat, O friends, and drink; drink your fill O lovers.” God is telling us to be intoxicated with each other. To not hold back, but to share all of our selves with our spouse and receive all of them, until we are absolutely full. God is not a stingy God, he created us for pleasure in sex and he wants us to be drink deeply.
The other passage that immediately comes to mind is Proverbs 5:15-19.
“Drink water from your own cistern, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares? Let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. A loving doe, a graceful deer – may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.”
Just the fact that God uses water, especially water from streams and spring, to represent sex tells us a lot. Sex should be refreshing, like a cold drink of water after a hard day of work. It should quench our thirst and satisfy us, and make us feel new. If sex feels more like a drain, you need to ask yourself why.
Sex should be ever changing like a stream of water flowing through the rocks. It should never get boring as each time we engage, we discover something new. There is no end to the possibilities as we see into each other and truly connect.
The last verse that is continually on my mind is from Genesis 4:1 kjv, “Now Adam knew (had sexual intercourse with) Eve his wife and conceived and bore Cain”. The Hebrew word for “sexual intercourse” is the word “to know”. How many of us are having sex with our spouse and not getting to know them any better than the day before. Are you really present during sex, are you really feeling them, are you really seeing them, or are you somewhere else. Maybe an even better question for us wives is, are you allowing yourself to be felt, are you allowing yourself to be seen. Are you sharing what your body is aching for and revealing more of yourself. How many of us do the same old thing again, because it worked last time, or because it is too scary to let our spouse see that much of me. God created sex so that we would know each other.
God intends for sex to be a pleasure between husbands and wives that fills us up, refreshes us and reveals more of ourselves. He intends this just as much for wives, as for husbands. We are going to be spending the next weeks talking about what holds us back and how do we get there.