Yesterday I was supposed to write a blog and I just could not bring myself to do it. My husband and I were still in the middle of working through something that had popped out of nowhere in our marriage bed the night before, and I was still too raw.
It amazes me how vulnerable I am in my marriage bed. I like to say, I am like a sea anemone. I gradually open up, until my tentacles are freely flowing in the current, enjoying being tossed about with the movement of the tide, receptive to new experiences and comfortable receiving whatever comes my way. But when I am totally opened up, my most sensitive spot is also exposed. My deepest, most personal, most private self is laid out for my husband. He knows me like no one else, but it is not easy, because all it takes is one little prick to that most sensitive spot, and I immediately close to protect myself.
Now you probably are wondering, what the heck did my husband do to me? You know what, he didn’t do anything. All he did was honestly share his feelings about something I do in our marriage bed. He wasn’t trying to hurt me, he wasn’t trying to manipulate me – he was just being honest. He was probably being more vulnerable than he has ever been, and that is a good thing. But that doesn’t mean it was easy.
Last night as we were working through things, I told my husband, don’t ever feel like you can’t be honest. I want to know you, even if it sometimes hurts, even if I sometimes react like a sea anemone. I would rather truly know my husband, than be in bed with a man that I concocted to never hurt my feelings.
We came out on the other side of this, knowing more about each other, but also understanding ourselves better. If this issue had never come up, my husband wouldn’t have spent time thinking, why do I feel like this? I wouldn’t have spent time thinking why is this important to me? And we wouldn’t have shared those experiences with each other. Sex forces us to take a deep look at ourselves, to consider how to better love our spouse and to find a place in the middle to meet.
I am so proud of my husband for being honest and actually sharing how he felt. I am proud of him for taking a deep, long look at himself, and for bravely seeing and hearing my wounded self. I am proud of him for not retreating in conflict, but for stepping toward me. I am proud of him for being willing to fight for the intimacy that we want in our marriage bed.
Intimacy is not easy, but it is so worth it on the other side. Are you going to just stay in your safe place of not revealing too much, or are you willing to fight for intimacy in your marriage? It is so worth it.