If you got a chance to read about “The amusement park of orgasms” in Hot, Holy and Humorous, then you know that the first orgasm she describes is “The Roller Coaster Dip”. It is that mind blowing orgasm that swooshes down a free fall as it releases every ounce of sexual tension in your body. It can leave you feeling like a blob of putty that cannot move, speak or think. It is the orgasm that results from stimulation of the clitoris by hands, mouth, or whatever.
Direct stimulation of the clitoris is the most reliable way for women to orgasm. Many times it is the most defined orgasm especially if intercourse is not taking place at the same time. With clitoral stimulation , there is a clarity of where the sensations are coming and a radiating out from that point to the ends of our finger tips and toes and the top of our head.
For women that have never had an orgasm, giving yourself the freedom to do some self-exploration may be the best thing you ever do for your marriage. A book I read recently that worked with pre-orgasmic women, suggested spending an hour every day for 2-5 weeks to figure out what works for you. That sounds like an enormous amount of time. but why not. When we learn how to play an instrument or a sport, we commit to practice on a regular basis for years. So why not commit to learning your body, so that you can teach your husband?
Even for women that orgasm on a regular basis, it is not unusual for orgasms resulting from self stimulation to physically feel the strongest, and we might wonder how this can be.
When we touch ourselves, there is an instant feedback response. We know just how far we can go to ride the peak of the wave. We can hang out there for as long as we want, and then when we are ready, let ourselves go racing down the curl. We have no distraction, wondering if our spouse is getting bored, or tired. We picture our spouse touching us just right, saying exactly what we need to hear, and taking us for an unbelievable ride. So, how do we make this a part of our marriage bed?
If you have never shared with your spouse the experience of watching you pleasure yourself, this may be a whole new way of “knowing” each other. Start slowly and just stroke your body casually during sex. As you get more comfortable, touch your genitals during intercourse when you are on top so that your spouse can see you. Ask your husband if he would like to watch you sometime. Some people have this misconception that they should never touch their own body, but only their spouses. There is nothing biblical that supports this stance, and I would argue that if you are letting your spouse into your private world, they are getting to know you in a whole new way.
If your spouse is open to watching you, one way that might make it easier, is if you get warmed up without him in the room. Have him quietly enter when you are in the middle, as if he walked in on you, and couldn’t help but join in.
As you gain more comfort, include him and let him be more and more a part of the process. Sometimes 4 hands is a lot better than 2. Make sure that you give him permission to really watch what you are doing, because a husband can learn a ton of information just from watching.
So let your fingers do the walking, and take your husband for the ride of his life.