Many of these concepts are based on Ian Kerner’s She Comes First: The thinking man’s guide to pleasuring a woman
After teaching over 500 women about sex, it is clear that most wives have the same insecurity, “Does he really want to be down there.” Husbands, you need to know that wives have a terrible time believing that you like the taste, your neck isn’t in knots, and that you aren’t just doing it because we want you to.
Your wife needs to know that you enjoy giving her oral sex, and the only way she will know, is if you tell her. You will need to tell her time and time again, because the same insecurity will show its head over, and over, and over…
If you have ever viewed oral sex in pornography, then erase every image and memory, because what real women enjoy is nothing like what you have seen.
Now, if you haven’t read my article on “Rubbing vs. Feeling – Manual stimulation” a couple of weeks ago, then go back and read it before you go any further, because the same concepts apply to oral sex.
God wants husbands and wives to “know” each other through sex. Your intuitive wife will know whether you are just wildly flicking your tongue around trying to get something to work, or if you are actually present, feeling her through your tongue, sensing the changes to her body, and taking her somewhere.
In order for you to feel her, you need to slow your movement dramatically. You need to sometimes just pause and apply pressure and let her feel you. You need to pay attention to the changes her body makes and map them with your mind.
So here are some basic principles…
- Cunnilingus is about the balance between movement and stillness – action and reaction
- A flat sill tongue pressed softly, and later firmly, into her vulva will prove to be one of your most powerful tools.
- Anchor her so that she feels held by embracing her around the buttocks, or creating tension on her mound with your hand.
- Whatever touches your wife must be smooth. Imagine 60 grit sandpaper on your penis – in other words a clean shave can make a huge difference.
- In many ways, your wife’s body and desires are similar to yours. In the same way that you would not want her to just hone in on the head of your penis, do not just hone in on the head of her clitoris. Similar to your shaft, the inner lips love long full strokes. Similar to your ridge, up strokes that gently lean in on the skin around the head of her clitoris can be the bread and butter to the finish line.
- You need to take her somewhere – You must lead your wife by giving direction to what you are doing with a general ramping up of stimulation, focus, pace, or all three – she does not want to just sit in the same spot
Basic Steps …
- Position yourself for long term comfort – put her hips on a pillow, put a pillow under your chest, and rest your mustache area on her pubic bone.
- Create anticipation for the first kiss by warming her up. Work her sensitive non erotic zones like the insides of elbows, knees, and thighs. Trace all the places that a rounded area meets another body part. Work outside to inside around her vulva.
- The first kiss – a slow long ice cream lick, from bottom to top, that releases pressure to lightly graze the clitoral head, presses into the shaft, and then comes back to rest against the vulva. Let the kiss resonate at least 5 sec so that her body will begin to wake up and ask for more.
- Establishing rhythm – Just like you, your wife’s body will respond to an established rhythm. Ice cream lick again bottom to top, ending with a flat tongue against her vulva. Each lick you should feel your wife, than pause to let it resonate and read her body’s response. Try to not get ahead of her, but establish a steady tempo.
- Create expectation by using patterns – for instance … lick her 4 times along her inner lip, almost to the clitoral head, and the 5th time actually go over the head – repeat the pattern. Or…4 times lick around the perimeter of her clitoral head and the 5th time lick right across the top
- Hand work (optional advanced move) –while continuing stimulation, gently slide a single lubricated finger under your chin and into her vagina with the finger pad towards her tummy and hold it still to entice the awakening of her pelvic muscles.
- Developing Tension – continue developing tension by throwing in some different tongue moves like horizontal strokes, cat licks, diagonal strokes, or gentle suction. (Some advice on gentle suction – Picture you whole mouth covering her vulva with very little suction, while your tongue intentionally strokes her favorite spots)
- G-Spot (optional advanced move) – using a come hither motion, firmly pull the finger that is in her across her g-spot to add a turbo boost. Simplify tongue work temporarily as the g-spot engages.
- Pre-orgasm state – Right before orgasm her clitoral head will retract behind the hood. Stay steady till the end with exactly what was working when she got to this point. Don’t ramp up, don’t go somewhere else, just stay steady with consistent stokes.
- Orgasm – for some women, the head of the clitoris can become extremely sensitive during orgasm and you will need to stop all stimulation. For others, a gently connected pressure, or stimulation can prolong the sensation of orgasm.
When you are done, climb on top of your wife, cover her with your body, and release the last bit of tension from her body.
Your wife might enjoy hearing what you learned about her body, the changes that you felt, or what her orgasm felt like. It is another way to communicate that you were really present, feeling and getting to “know” her and how amazing her body is.
The tongue is an amazing way to get to “know” your wife, but you have to stay present. Don’t get caught up in what your next move is. Learn the basic principles and concepts, pay attention to what she enjoys, read her body, and take her somewhere.