I remember when we had young kids and feeling so exhausted that the last thing I wanted to do was have sex. Sex felt like one more thing on my to do list, one more thing that would suck out my energy, one more thing that I had to give.

Yet there were times when my husband would be so patient and would gently take me to that place, and afterwards I thought to myself, “Boy, did I need that.” Somewhere, deep down, I knew that sex was a good thing and that it was for me too, but this truth was buried deep beneath a pile of lies.

As I have been preparing to share with the young moms in MOPS, I have been thinking about what might have contributed to the lies that I believed.

From the time girls are young, we are taught to protect ourselves in order to remain pure. Boys have no self-control, so we have to be the gatekeeper. Boys will push and plead and they will take what they can. Protect yourself. They want to take from you.

The world is filled with examples of women that are taken from – women that are abused, women that are raped, and women that are taken advantage of when they are in a vulnerable state. Even the simple act of men ogling women’s bodies can make you feel like a piece of meat, something to be devoured if you don’t protect yourself.

As wives, we are told we need to have sex with our husband, or he might stray. We must provide release for him every 72 hours, or he will struggle to remain pure, and may turn to porn or fantasizing. We must meet the needs of our husband. Have sex for your husband.

Where do we hear how important sex is for us? Where do we hear that sex with our husband will fill us? Where do we hear that sex might be a great way to ease the tension and stress from a long day with the kids? Where do we hear that sex may be a salve in the midst of disagreement? Where do hear that an evening of exploring each other’s bodies is  better entertainment than any movie?

Ladies, we need to begin to recognize the wrong messages we have allowed into our marriage bed – messages about men, and messages about sex. We are married now, and your husband loves you. He may not be trying to take something from you. He may be trying to love you, and to refresh you.

Song of Songs 1:2

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
    for your love is more delightful than

Could his lips be better than wine after a long day? Could his lips remove the stress from your tense body?

 Song of Songs 1:13-14

13 My beloved is to me a sachet of myrrh
    resting between my breasts.
14 My beloved is to me a cluster of henna blossoms
    from the vineyards of En Gedi.

En Gedi is an oasis in the middle of a rocky desert. Could your marriage be an oasis? Could sex connect you to your husband and disconnect you from the struggles of this world. This world may be filled with hurt, but God desires that you create an oasis in your home, in your marriage, and in your bedroom.

A_Wave_of_Refreshment_by_ja5onLadies, do you believe that sex can refresh you? What lies have you believed about sex or about your husband? What truth do you now know?

Comments 3

  1. I have read every post on your blog and loved them all, but especially this one. I could have written it myself. I do feel compelled to speak out about the lies we are told as young girls and then women that make it so difficult to cultivate real trust and intimacy in marriage. I try to seek opportunities to share my awakening story with people because I, like you, already had a happy marriage and good sex life but this recent transformation in both of our attitudes and later our marriage bed has taken our relationship to an entirely new level. I am so glad there are people like you and the Byerlys out there who are shining the spotlight on an issue that is pushed under the rug by well meaning but misguided clergy and families. When speaking to any young person with half a brain, adults are going to have to convince young people that there are good and valid reasons to wait besides avoidance of unwanted consequences, and that when you do finally marry, and are free to share your body with your spouse, that this is part of creating Gods kingdom on earth, which we are all called to do. We as women do deserve the joy and freedom to love our spouses well and completely, and to be totally fulfilled. God bless you and your ministry!

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