God created women with amazing minds and bodies that can learn how to respond sexually in countless ways. To work towards having an orgasm during intercourse, we need to become more flexible in how and what we respond to.
Just like playing different songs on the piano takes practice, so does responding sexually. If you practiced chop sticks an hour every day for a year, you would get very good at chop sticks, but you would struggle to play any other song. To play piano well you must practice different scales, different songs and at different tempos. Eventually piano players can become so proficient that they no longer depend on the music, but can play freely from memory, or ear.
Orgasm is a learned response to what our body finds enjoyable. The first time we experience something, our body may not recognize it as something that enjoyable. As we anticipate good things and we build positive experiences, our body responds accordingly.
Although this article could be helpful for anyone, it is part of a series “How to have an orgasm during intercourse”. If you are working towards that goal, please make sure that you read my previous articles The Big Question, His and Her Kegels and Talk about What?
One of the most interesting secular books that I have read on having an orgasm during intercourse is “How to have an orgasm…as often as you want.” By Rachel Swift. She develops a program of training her body to become more flexible in its response by practicing different simulations, different positions, and different locations with the goal to eventually respond to the stimulation of intercourse. I don’t know that I necessarily agree with her program, but I think that she has some really valid points about how trainable our bodies are. So let’s look at this whole concept of training our bodies.
Just like playing the piano, you must practice and practice often. If you are only having sex once a week, then you are basically starting over every week – nervous, anxious and wondering how you will respond. When you have sex often (my definition of sex is broad – not just intercourse), your mind can relax and your body begins to recognize places that it likes to go. If you are going to make progress towards becoming more responsive, then you need to have sex often.
Expand our Flexibility
In order to expand our flexibility we need to train our bodies to enjoy new sensations. If you are used to manual stimulation a certain way, then change it up. Try a different motion or pace. Try indirect touch instead of direct touch. Have him touch you through your clothes or with the palm of his hand instead of his fingers. Use a soft object or his penis to touch you. Most likely you will not reach orgasm the first few times, but pay attention to what starts to become enjoyable and keep practicing until you get there. Thank God for every new sensation that you experience and enjoy the journey as God opens up new pathways to orgasm.
So much of intercourse is related to the positions that we use. To move towards having an orgasm during intercourse, practice manual or oral stimulation in different positions. Can you orgasm kneeling as if you were straddling your husband? Can you orgasm on your side, when you are spooning? Can you orgasm standing up? Learn what it takes to respond in these positions.
Sometimes I think I hold off orgasm simply because I want to enjoy sex longer. But could I train my body to respond quickly if I wanted to? What if I knew that I only had a couple of minutes before we would be interrupted? Would my body kick into gear? It is worth thinking about, and practicing, and maybe even playing out some scenarios to test the theory. Maybe we have more control over our orgasms than we think?
Training our body can sound so mechanical, but it doesn’t have to be. Remember that one of the reasons God created sex is so that we might know each other. When you are stretching yourself to enjoy new things, aren’t you also getting to know each other in new ways?
Enjoy the journey of learning new things together and you might discover that it is just as enjoyable as the desired destination.