One of my favorite secular sex books is “Orgasms: how to have them, give them and keep them coming”by Lou Paget. I love her books because she does not try to define what women experience by scientifically studying them. Instead, she writes what thousands of women have shared about their sexual experiences. In her book she states woman have experienced at least 10 different pathways to orgasm. Pretty remarkable if you ask me.
Please don’t think that I am pressuring women to once again perform. I simply want to encourage women to enjoy their experiences while remaining open to new possibilities. God gave us amazing bodies with unlimited potential for enjoyment.
It is important to understand the 3 main pathways of stimulation that women take to experience an orgasm during intercourse – clitoral, G-spot and deep spot. Understanding these pathways will help you recognize positions that may provide the kind of stimulation leading to orgasm during intercourse. Recognizing how the different orgasms feel as they approach will help you cue into the pleasure and go after it. What I write is based on my own experiences, the experiences of women that have shared during class, and lots of reading.
Although this article could be helpful for anyone, it is part of a series “How to have an orgasm during intercourse”. If you are working towards that goal, please make sure that you read my previous articles The Big Question, His and Her Kegels ,Talk about What? and Flexibility Training
Clitoral orgasms are achieved by stimulation of the clitoris, either directly or indirectly. For many years scientists thought the clitoris was just the pearl sized bulb at the meeting of the inner lips. But recent research discovered a structure of legs extending under the outer lips with glans that engorge with blood during arousal.
For many women clitoral orgasms are their strongest and most clearly defined orgasms. It is not unusual for women to comment the orgasms they experience during manual or oral stimulation feel stronger than the orgasms they experience during intercourse. Orgasms from clitoral stimulation are transmitted through the pudenal nerve system. A clitoral orgasm typically feels like a pinpointed pleasure causing a collapsing of the body and resulting in a radiating out of pleasure. Commonly you can feel pulsing of the pc muscles, vagina or sometimes even the uterus.
If you have never experienced an orgasm from either just manual or oral stimulation of the clitoris, I would encourage you to try it. During intercourse so much is happening that you may have a hard time zoning in to what your body experiences. Focus on what it feels like as you approach orgasm. What impact does your mind have? What does the orgasm feel like? What positions, movements and pace during intercourse might simulate the type of stimulation that you need for clitoral orgasm?
G-Spot orgasms, named after Grafenberg, are achieved by firm stimulation of the front wall of the vagina (towards the tummy), 1 -2 inches in from the opening of the vagina. The area may feel like the roof of your mouth. When you are highly aroused, a quarter sized area can bulge into the vagina. The G-spot is not on the surface of the vagina, but tissue between the urethra and vagina.
When highly aroused, the G-spot responds to firm stimulation in a “come hither” motion. You can use the pad of a finger, penis or vibrator. Women describe G-spot orgasms as more of a full body experience and not clearly defined or located. Scientists now believe G-spot orgasms are transmitted through a different nerve system – the pelvic and hypogastric nerves. No wonder women have been saying for years that their vaginal orgasms feel different than their clitoral orgasms.
Some people debate the existence of the G-spot, but if you listen to women describe their experiences, they are remarkably similar. Women describe the G-spot orgasm as a flowing or pushing out of pleasure. They may even push so hard that they literally push out whatever is in their vagina.
Do all women enjoy G-spot stimulation? Maybe – maybe not…Imagine that you had an area inside of you that had never been touched or stimulated. The first time it was touched you thought, “That was weird, I don’t know if I like that.” The next time you thought, “I don’t know, I guess it wasn’t bad.” The next time, “That feels kind of warm” and each time maybe gets a little more enjoyable as you learn to recognize and anticipate pleasure. Eventually you may even recognize an ache coming from the g-spot as you become aroused.
All I am saying is that if you have not experienced any pleasure from G-spot stimulation, don’t completely close that door and decide that you don’t have one. Our bodies change with age and can awaken to new experiences. Once in a while revisit the G-spot and pay attention to any new sensations.
The most effective way to stimulate the G-spot is with a finger or two, but you must first be highly aroused. Try getting warmed up with oral stimulation of the clitoris and then transition to manual stimulation of the G-spot.
It is not unusual to feel like you need to urinate as your G-spot becomes very aroused. Relax, trust your body, and trust your husband as you push through.
Pay attention to what your body feels like as your G-spot becomes aroused. What is your mind doing? What does a G-spot orgasm feel like? What types of positions and movements during intercourse might create G-spot stimulation?
The Deep Spot
The Deep Spot feels similar to the G-spot but located deep in the vagina, near the cervix. It is the area that I have the least experience with, but I will do my best to communicate what I have learned.
When teaching classes, there are always a couple of women that immediately acknowledge the deep spot as an orgasm trigger. They describe the orgasm as feeling similar to a G-spot orgasm, but more of an immediate reaction when the spot is hit. Not surprising, the deep spot travels through the same nerve system as the G-spot – the pelvic and hypogastric.
Like the G-spot, the deep spot responds to firm stimulation.
The bad news is that the deep spot is right next to the cervix, which can be painful when touched. The good news is that when you are very highly aroused, the walls of your vagina near the cervix balloon out as your uterus tips up and pulls back the cervix, making the deep spot much more accessible.
There are websites that claim all women have the deep spot and it is a guaranteed trigger to experience an orgasm. They suggest stimulating the deep spot with the same firm “come hither” motion on the front wall of the vagina but with your middle finger in as far as it can reach. But you must be highly aroused before stimulation will feel good.
Similar to the G-spot, the deep spot may be another possibility, another flavor to explore. When you are highly aroused, have your husband travel to the deep spot with the pad of his finger. During intercourse pay attention to sensations during deep penetration. What kind of movements feel good? What is your mind doing? What does it feel like?
Understanding these 3 pathways is one step in understanding your own body.
Part of my journey of enjoying sex has been educating myself about my own body. It is easy to think that our husbands ought to just magically find all of our sweet spots, but I am not sure that is true. I have spent time exploring new areas and waking my body up. Spend time testing the waters and focusing on new sensations, without pressure but with thankfulness. I have realized that not all orgasms feel the same. I have learned to allow my mind to believe that there is always more. Don’t limit what you experience because you cannot even dream that it can happen.
Next week we talk about the “Man Factor” in having an orgasm during intercourse – because it does take two to tango.