This week Julie Sibert over at Intimacy in Marriage posted a great article titled Encouraging Post menopausal women to not give up on sex….
In the article she shares an email from a post menopausal woman that celebrates the effect of adding a vibrator into their marriage bed as her body struggled to physically respond during sex.
Vibrators have gradually become very main stream for the general population. In the US over 50% of women have tried one, but my guess is that the younger generation is much more open to their use than the older generation. Many of us did not grow up talking about sex or with the internet available to do research in the privacy of our own home. The idea of touching ourselves, participating in activities other than intercourse or using a vibrator is what “those other women” do, not us…
While sex is not solely about having the biggest orgasm, God did intend wives to fully enjoy sex – why else would He give us a clitoris?
People ask, “Are vibrators addictive? Can they make me less responsive to my husband?”
Vibrators are no different than any other way that we have sex. If we always use a vibrator, then we train our bodies to respond to a vibrator. If we always insist that our husband touches us in exactly a certain way, then we train our bodies to only respond to that touch. If you want to enjoy a full course menu of pleasures, than continue to practice all of those pleasures and add to them. Our sex lives are not static, we are either growing, or sliding into a rut.
When young people get married, I always encourage them to spend at least a couple of years with just the two of them (in other words- no vibrator) getting to know each other. It takes time for a wife and husband to learn about each other, themselves and these amazing bodies that God created. Some times we need to go through some growing pains and hard communication as we learn to become fully known.
So what are some good reasons to use a vibrator?
Vibrators provide a more intense stimulation without the friction that our sensitive tissue sometimes cannot handle. Vibrators can stimulate the clitoris during intercourse so wives can enjoy orgasm enveloping her husband. Older women can require longer stimulation to orgasm and a vibrator can help in a time crunch. These are just a few reasons, but ultimately you need to figure out what is right for you and your husband. Just know that a piece of plastic could never replace the warmth you experience through your husbands touch, but it might enhance it. Similar to how glasses restore our vision – using a vibrator can enhance our responsiveness as our bodies change.
I love having sex with my husband. It brings us closer together. It refreshes me and cleans my slate. It is this amazingly intimate way that we know each other and continue to know each other. And I love falling through time and space as I orgasm.
My husband has told me countless times he loves to watch me orgasm. He loves the glow that comes over my face and body. He loves feeling how my body changes in his hands. He loves feeling the tension immediately drain from my body.
I often ask my husband, ” if something happened to one of us, we’d figure something out, right?” You see, whether it is menopause, or some other health condition that rendered one of us less responsive, I am not willing to give up this gift of sex that God gave us. I don’t care what it would take, I cannot imagine doing marriage without connecting physically in a very intimate way. It might look completely different from what we do now, but I don’t care. The journey of reinventing our sex life would be a new dimension of knowing each other – and that journey never gets old.
If you are interested in researching vibrators check out Covenant Spice : Intimacy products for Christian couples