Learning to have great sex is not all that different from learning to be a great quarter back. It takes years of practice to learn the fundamentals, master basic plays and create variation of those plays. Eventually you learn to call audibles, read the play as it unfolds and know your players well enough to anticipate their next move without even thinking about it.
In order to have great sex, you need to start by learning the fundamentals. Stop making sex about getting a touch-down, but make it about connecting to your wife and getting to know her. You need to be present and eager to learn more. You need to stop rubbing her and feel her. Use your words to engage and arouse her by playfully talking about past connections or future possibilities. Redefine sex to include what works for her, vs what works for men.
Then work on learning some basic plays. Learn to manually stimulate her clitoris with your hands. Have her show you what feels good. Learn to stimulate her clitoris with your mouth. Learn to move during intercourse so that it feels enjoyable to your wife. Learn how to manually stimulate your wife’s g-spot. Learn all those wonderfully sensitive areas that respond to feather light touches – the inside of the knees, elbows, nape of her neck, inner thighs, and sides of her breasts. Learn how to stimulate her breasts to warm her up, vs to put her over the edge. Learn your wife’s body and how it reacts when it feels good or when she wants you to touch her somewhere else. Be patient and allow lots of time as you learn the basic plays of loving your wife.
Once you have learned a couple of basic plays, you can add variations by changing the order, position, method, setting or mood.
Keep her on her toes by changing the order, instead of working from her head down, work from her feet up. Try making her wait to have her breasts touched until the grand finale. Tease her by taking short trips to her erogenous zones and then backing up a step until she begs you to stay where the heat is.
Switching positions can create a completely different experience. Manual stimulation feels very different laying face to face vs her sitting back against your chest with your arms wrapped around to her clitoris. Oral stimulation feels very different lying on her back vs standing against a wall with you kneeling in front of her.
Instead of stimulating her with your hand, try the head of your penis or a silky cloth. Instead of staying with oral stimulation till the end, alternate with a well lubricated finger.
Just changing the location or atmosphere can create variation. Set up a sheet over the headboard to make a tent with soft lighting. Throw a soft blanket in front of a fireplace. Pull up the shades and enjoy the light of the moon or the power of a lightning storm.
How you hold your wife and lead her determines the mood during sex. You can hold her with strength and tenderness so that she can relax into your embrace. You can playfully tease her body as you rollick between the sheets. You can create unbelievable tension as you stretch her body in slow intentional intensity. You can heat things up fast as you move with passion and urgency.
There are endless variations of the basic plays as you get to know your wife in a new way. Take her on a journey she has never been on before.
A good quarter back learns to call audibles at the line of scrimmage once the defense lines up. A husband that is in tune with his wife will read her mood and be sensitive to whether she is feeling confident and playful or insecure and weary. He will adjust his plans according to her needs and desires. He will notice when she is freshly showered and feels comfortable going there, or if he needs to use his hands instead. He will be in tune to whether she would enjoy the comfort of the tried and true, or craves a new adventure.
Read the Play
A really good quarter back learns to read the play as it unfolds and has the confidence to change things on the fly. A husband that is in tune with his wife will read her body and realize he needs to go another direction. Without getting upset or worried, he will simply move to another option until he finds one that she enjoys. He will feel when her body enjoys a touch and ramp up intensity as her body craves more. He will sense the wall that cannot quite be scaled and circle around to take a running jump at it. He will feel when things move from feeling great to over-stimulated and move to a cool down area to wait for clues for re entry. A husband that can read his wife has the confidence to creatively react to her needs and desires.
At some point, could a quarter back be so grounded in all that he has learned and in knowing his players, that he can just play?
Could a husband get to the point, where he no longer even has to think about feeling his wife and reacting to her desires, but he can just move in sync with her, and she with him. If we know each other well enough, can we just be? I think God gives us glimpses of an intimacy that pure and that strong, but I think it is a life long journey to get there.
Start with the Basics, learn some plays, add some variations and make it a lifelong journey to know your spouse.