Next Monday I teach a class titled “How to drive your man crazy” to women that have completed my 6 week Awaken Love class. It is a chance to go deeper and develop ideas in a safe group of women. I taught this class a couple of years ago and focused on physical technique for manual stimulation and oral stimulation. We even got out some large spoons, lubed them up with some coconut oil, and practiced some techniques. I’m sure that we will spend some time in that arena, but lately I’ve been thinking about how much more is involved than physical technique. Here are some of my ideas…
I hate pity sex – I sometimes turn off when my dear husband chooses to serve me because he knows I am getting cranky.
I know, I know. How can I complain when my husband is so considerate to fulfill my needs and engage in sex even when it is not the first thing on his mind?
But what a difference when he comes after me because he is HUNGRY for me. What a difference when he doesn’t just do it so I will have an orgasm, but because he is AMAZED by this body God gave me and he wants to discover one more new thrill.
Your husband may be able to operate if you serve him, but it will rock his world if you actually WANT HIM.
So how do I get to the point of actually wanting him?
- Think about sex – a lot – what you want him to do, what you would like to do to him, creative ways to connect
- Have a lot of sex – get to the point where you crave him
- Have a beginners mindset – always desire a new way to know your husband
Then live it out, by initiating – truly initiating. Not just giving him the signal that you are open for business. Jump his bones, and let there be no doubt about the fact that you WANT HIM.
Your confidence will take him to a safe place where he can totally relax and enjoy the ride. If he senses your insecurities, then his body and mind will stay on alert for what the next move is. You want him to be putty on in your hands.
Gaining confidence in the marriage bed means not being so hard on yourself –consider it a journey or exploration. Get to know your husband by studying him.
Spend at least 20 minutes just getting to know your husband’s penis. The goal is not to take him from point A to point B, but simply get to know him. This is for you, not him. Use your hands, mouth, eyes or whatever else to feel him, see him, smell him. Take him from flacid, to playful, to searching, to urging, to imminent. Pay attention not just to his penis, but to his testicles. Study him and map his responses.
It takes practice and familiarity to build confidence. If you only do something once in a while, you end up starting over each time. It takes studying him close up, with your eyes open and a sense of adventure to continue to discover everything about him.
Use your Words
Wives need to harness the power of words in the marriage bed. Words are powerful. Song of Songs is filled with words. The trick is you cannot just make this stuff up, or spout off what you think you should say. He wants to hear words from you – deep inside the recesses of your soul. So how do you get there? Here are a couple of ideas….
- Think sex – If you don’t allow yourself to think it, how can you say it? The first step is to think it and then simply vocalize what you think. Sometimes it helps to start by whispering it in his ear.
- Next time he is on a business trip, call him via skype, but while you are visiting, begin instant messaging him what you would like him to do to you when he gets home. Writing can be a great way to begin practicing using your words.
Be Visually Generous
Think of it as being multi-sensory. He does not just want to feel your hands on him. He wants to see your hands on him. Encourage him to watch and catch his eye once in a while to let him know you love it.
Pay attention to what you wear. Be playful with allowing him to almost see things – just out of grasp is the name of the game. Zippers that lead somewhere, rows of buttons that could crack wide open a treasure chest, and hip hugging packages. Whatever he loves, flaunt it with confidence.
Different positions offer a whole different view. Ask him why he loves different positions and take advantage of giving him the best view.
One of his greatest visual excitements may be watching you enjoy pleasure. Express what you experience by letting your body move how it wants to move. Let go of the reins and let loose. Show what you feel – that simple.
Relax his pelvic area
Men carry an enormous amount of tension in their pelvic area. It is the part of their body that screams for attention and love and yet it can also be the source of great pain and vulnerability. In order for your husband to fully enjoy his orgasm, you need to relax his pelvic region. It takes time and trust and care. Focus less on his penis, and more on loosening the muscles around the penis. Use lots of lube and slide your hands around his pelvis, inner thighs and perineum while looking for areas of tension. Be patient and slow and go back and forth between warming up his pelvis, paying attention to his penis, and enjoying his entire body.
We probably think of this in terms of what women enjoy, but men enjoy teasing too. We need to take our husbands places they might not naturally go. Our husbands may be so focused on getting to the finish line, that they miss out on the enjoyment of the ride.
Tease him by accidental brushes or touches of his penis. Tease him by making him wait until he can’t stand it. Tease him by playfully engaging his penis in light strokes and lick. Use your hands, mouth, tongue, breasts, hair or silky fabric to entice him to come out and play.
Take him somewhere
When it is time to get serious, take charge. Don’t be willy nilly about it, but let him know you’ve got it. Get some great rhythms and grooves going that he can sink into and enjoy the ride. When you feel his body becoming too accustomed to it, change it up. Sense his mood and match it with how you love him. If he is playful, have some fun. If he is adventurous, take him somewhere new. If he is hurting, take him to a safe place…
I like to tell my ladies, when his testicles hug his body and you know he is close, his peaches are ripe and you have several choices…
- Take a step back to cool him down and extend the journey so that you can ramp him back up later.
- See how long you can gently keep him at ripe peaches, so that his body can gently tumble over into euphoria. This takes being so in tune with his body that you know exactly when to gently apply the gas, when to coast, and when to gently brake.
- Finish strong – take him hard and fast so that there is no doubt in his mind, this is it.
- Stay with a metronome precision rhythm that his body will sync with and follow into oblivion.
- What are some more ideas?
Enjoy it Yourself
The last thing that will take sex from great to out of this world, is if his enjoyment causes your body to respond with pleasure. Women agree that sex is 90% mental, so could we enjoy giving our husband pleasure so much, that our body literally reacts to their pleasure? Could we notice the ache in our bodies and pull our husbands hands to our breast? Could we straddle their leg and press our bodies onto theirs as our passion matches theirs? Could we push out the last bit of tension as we are amazed at how they open themselves up to us?
How about it? Do you have more ideas on How to Drive your Man Crazy?