This week while at the doctor I was lamenting about how much I hated getting old and having reader glasses hanging on the tip of my nose in order to teach classes.  She innocently asked what I teach, and I squirmed a little bit and then thought, why not?

“Sex classes to wives at church.”

She replied as she listened to the thump, thump of my heart, “That’s a good thing. Women can probably use all the help they can get.”

Then she said, ” Do  you teach men’s classes?”

I was just about to answer that, ” actually I do and they are awesome…”

When she caught me by surprise and acridly laid out, “Cause men need to learn that our libido changes, especially after a certain age..”

This woman wanted her husband told that she didn’t need to have sex anymore because her body was not physically screaming for it. She could not have been older than 35 or 40 – tops. For many women, this is when we are just starting to relax and really enjoy things, but she was ready to be done.

I sensed the conversation was over, but I have been thinking about it all week.

I’ve been thinking about how much this woman was missing in her marriage. What stuff had crept in that transformed her marriage from the love affair they once had to just coexisting. I’ve been wondering what messages this woman received about sex from her family, church, and the world. I’ve been thinking about how things might be different if she was open to a different possibility. I feel bad for her.

I’ve been thinking about how the husband must feel. How discouraged and beaten down, and how lifeless as the drudgery of each day passes  by. I feel sad for him.

Women complain all the time about how sex is just this physical thing for men – like an itch they need to scratch.  Shouldn’t men just have a little self control?

I think women are the ones that believe sex is just a physical thing. “If my body is not screaming for sex then I must not need it.” Most women have no idea of the supernatural power that sex has to make us into “one” with our husbands.

Sometimes I begin to question whether I know what I am talking about. Maybe I am just one of the fortunate women that looks forward to sex. Maybe a woman that does not feel like having sex doesn’t need to have sex.

Then I go back to God’s truth, that in case after case, sheds light and affirms I am on the right path.

Ephesians 5:31-32 says, “As the scriptures say, ‘A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one.”

Becoming one in marriage — is an illustration of how Christ and the church are one.

Sex— is an illustration of the intimacy God wants to have with us

Which leads me back to this woman that did not feel like having sex with her husband. Sometimes we may not feel like connecting with God – we have too many other things on our mind and too many things to do. We may be worn out or tired from juggling all the things that we think are important. We may just be in a rut and feel like God is distant or not speaking to us.

So do we just blow it off and gradually become more and more disconnected from God? Or do we make some intentional choices – like opening His word, praying and slowing down – so we might once again slip into that place of wanting to meet with God.

Over and over, comparing what God wants in our relationship with Him, brings me make to His design for intimacy in marriage. It is radical and counterculture and may be the very opposite to your human nature.

On August 1st, I will be in Austin, Texas speaking on all the ways that intimacy in marriage mirrors intimacy with Christ. If you are in the area, I would love to have you join us. Here is a link for more information or to sign up. Please come up and introduce yourself, I would love to meet you.  The information is below.

awaken love conference

Comments 3

  1. “I’ve been thinking about how the husband must feel. How discouraged and beaten down, and how lifeless as the drudgery of each day passes by.”

    Yeah, I can relate to this.

  2. On Sunday just past, I so much did not want to go to church. I was tired, I couldn’t concentrate, I felt nothing. But I went. Often, in such a circumstance, I get a special blessing. Instead, I continued feeling tired and empty. However, the next time this happens, I will still go. It’s called committment, I suppose. I’m one of those women who doesn’t need sex. I married late in life, a virgin, and I would have been happy to continue that way. But it is just exactly what you say: I love the intimate, loving connection with my husband, even if I don’t have genital feelings. I have bursting-out love feelings! It would be so sad to lose that passionate, sweet connectedness in my marriage.

  3. Ruth, you were the Lord’s vessel yesterday. Your obedience to share His truth and allow Him to speak through you was a blessing to all of the women there. Seeds were planted, walls were chipped away at and lives will be changed. He is faithful!

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