One of the big pluses of having a hysterectomy or making it through menopause is the absence of my monthly friend. No more period to show up just as I am headed out for a week in the boundary waters. The flow of money for buying tampons and pads finally comes to a screeching halt. New pretty panties no longer end up covered in stains. And, I can have sex whenever I want, 365 days a year.
I’m not sure I realized how much taking a week off during my period affected my sex drive. For me, that week of disconnection was a lonely time. I think at times I was even resentful that my husband didn’t have to deal with a monthly flow. I remember in my health class hearing that you wouldn’t even notice that you were on your period. What a lie. For many of us, our period is accompanied by days of bloating, diarrhea, cramps, achiness, and just generally feeling lousy. I don’t miss my period.
But because I don’t have a period, I also don’t have those monthly hormonal surges that used to catapult me into my husbands arms. Where as before, around ovulation and just before my period my hormones would spike, my libido is now pretty much a straight line.
Making a Choice
I just choose to have a straight line that always wants sex versus one that never wants sex. I choose always because in the last 5 years I have seen how having sex on a very regular basis has transformed my relationship with my husband. My marriage has gone from good, to I can’t wait to see you. It has gone from safe to sharing all of myself. It has gone from good to spiritually connected like we have never been before. I’m not sure that I even knew what I was missing before. All I know is that I want it for the rest of my life.
Most women agree that sex is at least 80% in our head, so don’t we have a choice what kind of straight line we have?
For me, there have been several keys
1. I choose to have sex often – we can have 365 days a year and the more I have sex, the more I want it and the more responsive I become. At our age we either use our bodies or we loose it. Our vagina will literally atrophy, become inflexible and less responsive if it is not being exercised on a regular basis. Have sex often.
2. I choose to have the kind of sex that connects me to my husband – My husband and I are having the best sex of our lives because we talk about it, we are constantly trying to learn something new about each other, and we make the time to really connect. As we age and our relationship grows, shouldn’t sex get better?
3. I choose to continually redefine sex as something that works for both us – Our bodies have changed and we have adapted, and our bodies will continue to change and we will continue to adapt. I plan on having sex with my husband until the day we die because it is an amazing way that God ordained for us to know each other. Changing with age adjustments ensures that we continue to get to know each other
If you are past menopause and no longer experience the surge of hormones that would move you towards your husbands than it is even more important that you take advantage of the fact that you can now have sex 365 days a year.