Many wives welcome the idea of their husband sweeping them off their feet. When he takes charge, she can relax and her mind stops spinning as she surrenders to the journey. His leading brings her pleasure and affirms that his desire is for her. Whether that looks like being ravaged by her husband, an indulgent hours long evening of oneness or anything in between, it takes intention and leadership on her husbands’ part to bless his wife with such an experience.
As wives, I don’t think we fully appreciate the joy that our husbands experience when we are pleased. On The Marriage Bed husbands have commented:
“Giving my wife an orgasm is more pleasing to me than my own.”
“I love pleasing my wife, nothing makes me happier than knowing she’s satisfied…And I also really love her body and enjoy getting to explore it all.”
I don’t think we, as wives, fully appreciate the pressure that our husbands put on themselves to ensure that we are satisfied with their love either. We can give our husbands a break from the lingering doubts of “Am I doing anything right?” and “Is this what she desires?” by communicating in the marriage bed. We can also provide our husband a respite by leading in the bedroom…or whichever room we choose.
Absolutely, Scripture tells wives to submit to their husbands’ authority (Colossians 3:18 and Ephesians 5:22). Taking the lead in your marriage bed is not about disrespecting or belittling your husband’s leadership. It is about revealing yourself to him in a new way, allowing him to relax more deeply and reminding him that he gets your motor going! We all need a break and a boost from time to time. Song of Songs shows us that the husband and wife are equal in the marriage bed. The Beloved invites her husband to come away with her (Song of Songs 7:11, 8:14) and initiates romantic encounters (Song of Songs 4:16) with confidence. The Beloved knew that God gives us freedom for mutually honoring fun in our marriage bed.
What does it look like for a wife to invite her husband to come on an adventure with her? You may begin by surprising your husband or build anticipation by letting him know in advance that something is different today. Either way, make sure he’s getting the message: You are mine, baby! Perhaps it is flirty text messages throughout the day, prolonged eye contact when he gets home, brushing up against him or a slight head nod that confirms your intentions. Whatever you decide, you must make your intentions, and your commitment to follow through on those plans, clear beyond a shadow of a doubt. Clarity is key. There can’t be questionable signs for him to interpret.
When the sexual vibes are flowing strong, and his smile confirms that he is receptive to receiving, then make your move. Maybe you pin him against the wall, maybe you slowly undress him or maybe you sit him down for a hands-off show. When he realizes that your intent is to arouse and satisfy, he will be putty in your hands, ready to be ravaged. You are in charge here; act with utmost confidence and assertiveness letting your husband know that he can relax and surrender to the experience. Throughout your time together, as you call the shots and take him wherever you want to go, ensure your husband is enjoying himself as much as you are.
For the very brave, taking the lead can be an incredible opportunity to express your sexual needs and ensure that they are fully met. This added intensity is self-revealing, leaves no secrets and holds nothing back. It exhibits a healthy assertiveness that honors mutuality and respect, while displaying an eagerness for pleasure that isn’t part of routine encounters. Sharing what you want in the bedroom takes a solid sense of self. You must be comfortable with your own sexuality and desires. The freedom and safety found within a healthy marriage that is following God’s design creates the perfect place to express your yearning for powerful satisfaction.
Most husbands will experience great gratification when you display a lack of restraint and clearly direct him, bringing you both to new, unbelievable levels of pleasure. “I want you to do X and by the time I’m done with you, you’ll be glad you did.” Wives clearly and directly communicating their needs with abandon and lavishly expending physical and emotional energy in the bedroom will leave their husbands questioning whether this is a delicious dream. This level of vulnerability and emotional exposure is for the betterment of your marriage. The physical vigor and intent to conquer displays uninhibited love.
Yes, this is intense. This is allowing yourself to be known wrapped up into an enthusiastic, generous, adventurous, connected, unique and memorable experience. Your husband will not soon forget when you took the reins.
How could you possibly act with such self-assuredness and wild abandon? Our confidence must come first and foremost from God. He loves us and is faithful to us. Our deep intimacy with, and commitment to Him is the safety and trust that we need to be able to freely love our husbands. With God as our stronghold, we have no need to be afraid of being fully known or fully knowing our spouse.
I encourage you to get creative and put yourself out there. There are countless scenarios in which you can create an adventure where you dictate what happens, affirm your husband, and allow your husband to know you in a new way. This is a chance for you to have some fun, to test new waters, to go where your mind has been wandering or to just go wild within the safety of unconditional love. Leading in the marriage bed is a chance to let your hair down and enjoy your husband like never before, while positively impacting the intimacy in your marriage. I challenge you to step up and take the lead.