Wanted: A Man’s Perspective

The church is filled with studies to help men navigate a world that is saturated with sex and keep their eyes pure. Are there any studies to help husbands be intimate with their wife? Media and pornography are streaming images that portray techniques that work for men only. Sex is portrayed as a physical need and real intimacy, as God intended it to be, is absent. There are few messages about God’s design for sex. I believe the church needs to get involved in helping men know how to connect and love their wives in very tangible ways.

It makes absolutely no sense to me, but in the last six months, Melanie and I felt like God has made it abundantly clear that we are supposed to design a men’s Awaken-Love curriculum to parallel the women’s curriculum. Wives have repeatedly asked if there is a class for their husband, so that they could both grow in understanding God’s design for sex. Husbands at couples classes have expressed a lack of education by the church and a desire for a class similar to their wives’. There are few good resources available to Christian men about even the nuts and bolts of how their wife’s body works. So out of obedience, we are moving forward in putting together a men’s curriculum and trusting that God will provide male teachers.

We have been collaborating with a male Pastor, seeking input from husbands of wives who have taken the Awaken-Love class, and would love to have your input, too. Here are some basic questions to get you started:

  1. What would you want to have addressed in a men’s class?
  2. What are some challenges in the area of intimacy or sex with your wife that a class might help with?
  3. How many weeks would you go to a class that addressed this topic?

You are welcome to leave a comment or contact us to share your thoughts.  We look forward to seeing what God does with this.

Comments 7

  1. I would like to affirm you in your pursuit of a curriculum and teaching materials for men! There are a few good ones on the Internet or available to be taught like you teach yours? I have found your material to be of the best available for women and there’s lots that men can learn. But in a teaching for San men’s accountability groups would be a great help in Men understanding their sexuality.

  2. 1. For me it’s about seeing things from my wife’s point of view rather than my needs and realising what marriage can be like, which you do amazingly well if I may say.
    2. The challenge for me is that my wife thinks sex is weird so I need to be able to start a conversation about something we feel very differently about.
    3. 6 weeks sounds ideal. The issue for me is that people don’t normally talk about this stuff in the way you do but they should! I would love love love to share and like awaken-love on Facebook but I dare not partly for what friends would think but also because I’m a teacher and some of the stuff you share is pretty full-on! Again rightly so. God bless.

    • Thanks for the feedback. I feel like we are finally getting closer to doing something with the men’s curriculum. Jim and I are currently teaching a 6 week class, and will again in May. This summer we will pray about next steps.

      • Firstly i think this is a FANTASTIC idea!!

        1. What would you want to have addressed in a men’s class?

        Wow, where to start?
        Gods view of sexuality
        – vs the world’s view
        – vs my view
        – how to align mine with His

        How to start communicating with my wife about sexual intimacy

        How to confess and seek healing from past sexual sin (& and how to encourage our wife to do this if they haven’t)

        Some teaching on how to help our wife experience oral sex (cunnilingus) better or more fully

        How to work through frequency differences.

        Male sexuality and how slowing down and letting ourselves feel how our body is experiencing arousal can help

        And so much more!

        What are some challenges in the area of intimacy or sex with your wife that a class might help with?

        Sharing our challenges in a supportive group and hearing how others have or might go about addressing them.

        Working out miss matched drives.

        Addressing getting out of a rut sexually.

        How to broaden your sexual repertoire together with your wife.

        How many weeks would you go to a class that addressed this topic?

        4-8?

        • Wow, Thanks for your input. The class will last 6 weeks, and be designed so that you could take it parallel to the women’s class if you want to . I actually just got funding to make the videos, so it looks like a year from now, I will have them available online.

  3. I too would like to affirm this idea. I hope it comes to fruition!

    1) Some areas I’d want addressed are how to lead well as a steward. I don’t think my wife and I are alone in the dynamic where my wife wants me to be the spiritual leader of my family in every area, except sex, where she is practically the gatekeeper. So, how to lead well without seeming like we’re trying to manipulate for personal gain.

    Also, how to normalize sex as a topic in the home and prevent it from becoming taboo. This would include the topic of M, and how to even discuss it healthily with our kids, so as to navigate through shame vs. exploration and discovery. I suppose I would’ve liked to learn more about that as a young person.

    2) This could help with allowing a safe space for healthy discussion in my home. When the church is able to affirm it and pull together in community, then it will be a much healthier discussion in my home, rather than it seeming as if I’m trying to push my own agenda. We are often able to talk about so many intimate things in Christian community, except sexual intimacy. I look forward to this changing for the next generation, as we cast a healthy vision of sexuality and Christ centered intimacy in the church.

    3) 52 weeks! Ok, fine, 6 weeks sounds realistic and impactful.

    • Thanks for your input. I agree the topic of leading is a big one. And yes, leading in the bedroom is probably one of the last area most of us let go of. But deep down, underneath all the hurt, baggage and wrong messages that cause us to protect ourselves, most women want a confident husband that will lead even in the marriage bed.
      We just funding for men’s videos, so we are definitely moving forward. Praise God.

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