The more I get to know my husband’s body , the more I find it absolutely AMAZING! For the next 3 weeks we are going to spend time getting to know our husband’s body and we are going to start with his penis.
Song of Songs 5:14 His body is like polished ivory
decorated with sapphires.
The penis is probably the most prominent part of our husband’s body and it is most closely associated with what it means to be a man. When it is cooperating it is their pride and joy, but when it is not, it can create anxiety that snow balls into greater anxiety. Men worry over not lasting long enough, or getting or maintaining an erection. Their erect penis is their greatest joy or their greatest defeat.
As wives, it is easy to think that an erection is under our husband’s conscious control, but really it is the opposite. They can get an erection when they least expect it and at the most inopportune times. If they try to think their way to an erection, they will fail hopelessly. An erection happens when the mind is free from worry and when the body is simply enjoying what it experiences. I always tell ladies, if your husband has offered to just cuddle with no expectation, and you suddenly realize he is poking you, he has not reneged on his agreement. He simply has no control over the situation and is fine with just cuddling if that is what you want.
A little anatomy lesson
The mushroom shaped head of the penis is packed with nerves and highly sensitive. Similar to our clitoral head, it can be painfully sensitive after orgasm and may appreciate a more indirect approach during stimulation. The ridge of the penis, where the head meets the shaft, is the favorite area for focused stimulation – which is similar to pulling on the skin around our clitoral head. On the underside of the ridge is a small attachment of skin called the frenulum which some say is the sweetest spot. The shaft enjoys long connected movements, similar to our inner lips. The penis has no natural lubrication, so lather it up with coconut oil or your favorite lube. Erections happen because his brain has signaled for an increased flow of blood to the penis and a decreased flow out. The increased blood pressure closes back flow valves and the blood is trapped in the penis until orgasm, or signals change. It is not unusual as men age for these valves not to work as well resulting in slower erections. Foreplay becomes an important part of sex for older men.
How well do you know your husband’s penis?
During intercourse, you really don’t get to know your husband’s penis very well – up close and personal. Part of getting to know our husband through sex, is getting to know his penis. One of the assignments during Awaken-Love study is just this – to spend 20 minutes getting to know your husband’s penis. That means, surprise him so that you can take him from a point of being flaccid, to aroused, to highly aroused, to cocked and loaded, to finished. You can use your hands, your mouth, or any other part of your body. Try to feel him and the changes in his body. Watch him with your eyes and listen for changes in heart rate or breathing. Our husband’s penis is his best friend and we want to be able to handle it with confidence.
You might be surprised, but it can feel really enjoyable for a man to be touched in the flaccid state. You can take more of him in your mouth, and you will touch him differently with your hands. It can be more fluid and rolling around in playful ways, or even just holding still. See if you can feel him begin to fill with blood as arousal begins.
As he becomes aroused, his body is waking up to more driving sensations. Don’t be in a hurry to take him anywhere, just see what you can discover. Play with him lightly to prolong things. See if you can get his penis to search you out when you tease it with soft touches. Play with his head with a soft bantering of movements. Pet it with long strokes that do not encompass it. Experiment with different locations of stimulation by focusing on one area at a time – the underside of the shaft, the sides of the shaft, the top of the shaft, the ridge, or the head. Try to gauge what it enjoys or ask your husband some questions that he can answer in one or two words.
Spend time fully holding his penis in a state of stillness – with your mouth or your hand. While you hold him try a smooth connected stimulation of just the frenulum by sinking your tongue into it, or using your thumb to slowly massage it.
Support the base of the penis and try different strokes of the shaft using different grips. Experiment with stopping short of the ridge versus pulling over the ridge. Try different pressures and different speeds. If you match his intensity, he will most likely progress. If you hold back, he will most likely cool down.
As he becomes highly aroused, visually pay attention to what his testicles are doing. When he is very excited they will hug his body, which I like to call “ripe peaches”.
When you finish him, pay attention to changes in his penis. Really try to feel what is happening to his body. Can you feel the skin turn paper thin as he is stretched to the highest point of arousal? Can you feel the coursing of fluid even before it happens? As he ejaculates can you feel the pulsing of his body as the tension leaves his body?
A note on aging
Our husband’s penis changes as he ages and he may get to a point where foreplay is as important to him as it is to us. Aging can cause erections to become much more problematic for many reasons, but orgasms can happen even without an erection if you are willing to redefine sex to include things besides intercourse. You can also experience orgasm without ejaculation. Sex may be different, but it can still be great, if you are willing to adapt.
God created your husband with an amazing body that is so different from ours and yet so similar. Spend time getting to know him. As you gain confidence and build trust, the possibilities become endless. His penis is his best friend – shouldn’t it be yours too?
Next week – I will share ideas about those peaches.