25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask + Giveaway

Slattery BookI am a big fan of Dr. Juli Slattery because she does not shy away from God’s truth. Melanie and I were given the opportunity to review her new book, 25 Questions You’re Afraid to Ask about Love, Sex and Intimacy.  So here goes, our first official book review!

Juli’s book gracefully answers 25 of the most common questions she is asked as she travels around discipling women to reclaim God’s design for sexuality and intimacy.  Juli is a wife, a mom, a clinical psychologist, an author, host of the Java with Juli podcast and co-founder of the Authentic Intimacy ministry.  She knows her stuff!

I love that from the first chapter Juli makes it clear that “your sexuality is inseparable from your spirituality.” Learning how to have great sex is as much about learning how to be intimate with God as anything else. We have to stop treating sex as just a physical thing and realize the power that it holds in all areas of our life.

She describes us needing a paradigm shift in our thinking because sex is connected to the Gospel. Juli’s call to sexual discipleship, yielding our sexuality to God, is universal.  As a result, Juli’s book addresses questions for both single and married women.  Issues of purity, temptation and forgiveness are not tied to our marital status.    

Juli unapologetically uses God’s Word as her measure for what is good and right. She does not take privilege in expressing her opinion but gracefully points to God’s truth and design throughout the book.  In the gray areas, like masturbation, she presents some different thoughts on the matter to get you thinking, but ultimately leaves it up to you and God.  She points to James 1:5 that says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” In other words, if you aren’t sure about something, pray about it, and God will make it abundantly clear. Amen, sister!

From dating to porn to breaking free from shame to homosexuality to finding the time and energy to have sex, Juli succinctly covers a swath of issues.  Her answers are both practical and theologically sound.  Every topic is addressed in light of the question “How do I glorify God through my sexuality?” She gives you enough Scripture references to dig deeper on your own and guides you to more questions to ask if something peaks your interest.

Juli freely shares her own journey and challenges in getting sex right. Sex is hard and it is a process of trial and error, intentional growth steps and God’s revelation. Great sex does not just happen. Recognizing it takes work, gives us the courage to step out and try.  Kudos to Juli for letting us in on the secret that she does not have it all together either.

Juli’s honest and relatable approach makes her book easy to read.  You can take it one question at a time or breeze through the book in an evening.  It’s enjoyable – like having a conversation with a lovely and really smart friend.  You can read the book on your own or consider using it as a conversation starter with friends or your spouse.

Ultimately, this is a book about following God – about following God even in your sexuality. God wants good for you. He wants to heal you. He wants to show you what intimacy is about and it is not always easy. Do you trust Him?

You want to read it now, don’t you?  Well, it’s your lucky day!  We have generously been given one copy of Juli’s book to give away.   The giveaway will be simple: Leave a comment below on our blog and tell us one question that you have about sex or intimacy.  We will close this giveaway on Sunday, December 20th, at 11:59pm CST.  One entry per person please.  The winner will be randomly drawn and notified via email.  THIS GIVEAWAY IS CLOSED. 

Note:  Other than each of us receiving a complimentary copy of her book, we did not receive any compensation for this review. We simply read the book and really liked it.  We think you will too!

Comments 20

    • Gary, the book is written to single and married women, BUT the Biblical truth shared in it is applicable to everyone. The book may give a man more understanding into women’s insecurities, the lies they believe and the battles they fight. The book is also written in a way that you can easily skip around to the questions that interest you. So…not written to men, but still profitable to men.

  1. We are older, married 50 years. Having health issues. How do older couples approach sexual intimacy when knees, hips, etc. are in pain, and pain meds keep the wife from having sexual arousal when stimulated by her husband? (I am there) Karen

    • Karen,
      How awesome that you desire to keep your marriage strong by continuing to have a vital physical relationship with your husband. I totally understand that it can be challenging and am beginning to face a few of those challenges myself.
      There are some books written by Joan Price that writes about aging and sex. They are secular books and you would have to really sort thru what is within God’s boundaries.
      Just a couple of suggestions off the top of my head…
      1. Talk to your doctor about your medications and their effects on your responsiveness. Maybe there are other options, maybe the timing of when you take the medication could help.
      2. Tap into the power of the mind to create arousal. I don’t mean to fantacize about others. I mean to use your words to create arousal. Think about what you would enjoy and share it with words or even act it out.
      3. Tap into the power of connection during sex to create arousal. Try using more eye to eye contact, slower motions, but more intense connection. Pray together about sex.
      4. Be open to redefining what sex looks like. Other things may provide stronger stimulation that intercourse. Manual stimulation, oral stimulation or a vibrator may work better.
      5. Make sure you are well rested. Pay attention to what time of day you are most responsive.
      6. Do your kegel exercises and have sex often to stay in shape.
      Don’t give up and enjoy the journey. Your body will learn new things
      Ruth

  2. My question is broader. How do we get the church to move past this ingrained idea that sex is just for him (and is primarily physical)? How did this seep into the church anyway? If I hear one more pastor say, “Ladies, your hubby needs sex, so you need to give it to him,” I am going to scream. No wonder the sex life of young parents tanks and women resent sex! Of course it won’t be a priority if it’s just one more physical need to mark off on your checklist. How do we show pastors that they are making the problem worse with this approach and falling SO short of God’s design for sexual unity in marriage? I do not consider myself a high drive wife, but the emotional and spiritual connection delights me as much as the physical and we can’t get enough of each other, despite three kids six and under! The idea that great sex is mutual sex and so much deeper than the physical changes everything! Today is our ninth anniversary and it was the best year yet, primarily because I finally learned (and am still learning) all of the above and it turned out marriage upside down!

    • Maybe the church is not our pastors or teachers at church. Maybe the church is us! We need to get this right and then we need to share it with others – our spouse, our kids, and our friends. Take an Awaken Love class via skype and start teaching in your area. We are also exploring the option of making videos of the teaching portion of the class and hope to have them done by next fall. We want to create an underground movement using these videos where women could meet in their homes with 2 to 15 women, watch the videos, share and discuss and transform their marriage and the next generation.

  3. I have a 13 y/o daughter and I am wondering if this book would be appropriate for her ? What is the suggested age range for this book?

    • Stacey, while the book has answers to some questions that would be helpful to a 13 year old, I don’t recommend handing her the whole book to read. Many of the questions are geared toward adult women. It could be great to pick and choose some of the questions and discuss them together though. For example, “How far is too far?” or “What’s the big deal about sex?” or “Can I be godly and gay?” Hope that helps!

    • We have not advertised that the Awaken Love class is available over skype simply because I think the demand would be greater than what we could handle. This fall I had a bunch of women take the class over skype or google hangout. It is not an ideal situation, but I think that it is better than nothing. If you want to take the class, just email me, and I will put you on a list that gets notified whenever I have spots open up.

  4. I’d love to win this giveaway! My question: how do I begin to teach my young children about healthy sex? I always got the message of “Don’t. Just don’t.” I grew up thinking sex was something dirty that God simply allowed to create children. It’s taken me years to unlearn some of that. I want to teach them a little better without encouraging too much curiosity too soon.

    • J,
      One of the best books I have read on the subject is “Talking to your kids about sex” by Mark Laaser. The book talks about continually seizing opportunities as they arise in every day life to speak truth to your kids about healthy sexuality. It also provides many examples of practicing this from the time kids are very young and discovering their bodies, to when they are teenagers and living in a world filled with sex but trying to remain pure.
      It is so important to have an open conversation with our kids about sex. They need to know that they can ask anything without filling shame, guilt or uncomfortable because otherwise they will get their answers other places – like the internet. Please get the book and open up conversations with your kids to let them know about this amazing gift that God gave to glue husband and wife together and make us into one.

  5. I would love to get this for my wife. My question would be in overcoming guilt from long-past sexual mistakes to leave them behind and not hinder the current marriage.

    • Hi Alan, the book does touch on how to leave shame behind, but that issue likely takes more than a few pages to tackle. If your wife is open to it, then perhaps suggest that she look at this booklet which has been amazingly helpful to me and the Path to Sexual Healing series on the blog. God’s healing from our past is life changing! Pray for her to seek it and support her through the journey when she does.

  6. Seriously. Where has all this been? Justin the last 6 months or so have I found all of this amazing information on S.E.X. from the Biblical perspective. How refreshing & encouraging to hear Truth about what God had in store for us. And while I’m so excited to have found it, I’m sad that it’s taken so long and something we never really hear or talk about in the church. I’ve opened up the frank conversations with girlfriends who have said they’ve never talked with anyone about sex ( other than maybe hubby) as much or deeply as we have. And it’s been so healthy & bonding for us! I absolutely would love to have a new resource to share and encourage others with!

  7. Congratulations to Corinne! The random number generator selected her as our winner. Thank you to everyone who commented as well. We love hearing from you. Continue to seek God’s best for your marriage and encourage your friends and family to do the same.

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