Woman on Top

Woman on top is one of the most pleasure inducing positions for women and it is not all that different from riding a horse. While on vacation one of the high lights was riding Icelandic horses and it got me thinking about the similarities between riding horses and riding our husbands.

Before getting on your horse, you need to spend time getting to know him. You stroke his neck, speak his name and let him smell you. He learns who you are and your calmness settles him. Having sex is about connection and getting to know our husband. We have to begin with settling ourselves so that our husbands can relax. When we stop worrying and start being, we can feel our husband, smell him and see him. Do you know when you are connected to your husband or are you too busy thinking about the next thing you need to do or worrying about how you look?

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Do it for You

I will never forget the woman, tears streaming down her cheeks, her gentle husband just a step behind. She came to talk during intermission at one of my couples seminars on sex. “I am sorry”, she said, “I have to leave. This is just too painful. You see I was abused as a child… I want to do this for my husband… really, I just can’t right now.”

As I listened to her story, I was struck by the common thread that holds so many Christian wives.

Do it for your husband

It is a thread that weaves throughout our sexuality impacting us so profoundly and yet many of us may not even know it exists.  This message of “Do it for your husband” sounds so Christian, putting someone ahead of yourself, and yet in many ways it slowly strangles our sexuality until it all just feels like a chore. This subtle thread insinuates that sex is not important to wives. It implies that God did not create sex as a gift for women and that, IS A LIE.

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One Woman at a Time

A little over a year ago, I sent this email to Melanie…”Today I will weep with God and with a gathering of friends. Tuesday’s class has been a constant confirmation that this [Awaken-Love] class is powerful and that there are so many women out there that need to attend. And I weep because I have no idea how to do it. I told God today that He is going to have to figure it out and open up doors. “

Three days later, I received an email from a woman I had never met before…

“My friend is currently in the Awake-Love class you are teaching on Tuesday nights. While I was visiting her in MN last week I heard about the class and was able to glance through the class outline. I am very interested in going through the class myself, but live out of state. Would it be possible for me to view the skype videos? She said you recommend watching them with a friend.”

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Personal Grooming

A little grooming can go a long ways for both husband and wife. We need to be oh so considerate of each other when we are intimate. That means fresh clean bodies, clean smooth hands, trimmed nails and yes maybe – groomed pubic hair. 

You can create new terrain and new sensations through grooming. Remove all your hair, leave a landing strip, or you can trim it. You can talk about it in advance or deliver a surprise wrapped in a bow. Dive all the way in, or gradually get your feet wet.

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Good Pictures Bad Pictures -Talking Kids About Pornography

In every single class I teach, there are at least a few women who are painfully aware of the importance of talking to their kids about pornography. They are women married to great guys that love the lord – men you know from small group, who volunteer in Sunday school, help lead worship or coach your kid’s baseball team – and that were impacted by porn. These men anticipated their wedding night as a fresh start of fulfilling every longing– but life wasn’t so simple. These men grew up when porn exploded on the internet before society had any idea what impact it would have. Back then, nobody knew the power of instant variety at the click of a mouse.

These men were raised like their parents were raised.

With messages of –

  • Don’t ask about sex.
  • A forced awkward talk about how babies are made
  • Boys will be boys so just ignore it.
  • Girls surely won’t enjoy it.

And young boys and girls fell into a world of screens that enticed and pulled them deeper and deeper into silence. Nobody knew it was going on – or they just thought it would pass – like previous generations of kids sneaking a look at a magazine. But this was no magazine and it wasn’t a worn-out copy of a VHS tape, this was the world of internet porn. A world where every click promised satisfaction but left you feeling hungrier then you started.

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Creative Date Ideas

One of the questions I ask women during class is, “What is something romantic that your husband could plan for you?”

I’ve heard all kinds of answers but was totally caught off guard when one woman said,

“Honestly, if I could just have some time alone – with no kids, no husband and no expectations.”

Pretty soon more women were jumping on board and sharing how even though they love it when their husband plans a special date, it always feels like it comes with strings attached. Instead of enjoying the night and being thankful for a husband that wants to romance them, they dread what is next.

How sad is that! Our husband tries to do something nice and we spend our night thinking, “Darn, he is going to expect sex tonight.”

We kind of do it to ourselves I suppose…

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Happy Thanksgiving

We are so Thankful for what God has done over the last year.

We are thankful for the women in Awaken-Love classes that have shared their stories, ministered to each other, bravely stepped into something new, and committed to bring God back into marriage beds.

We are thankful that the video class has launched,  and that we have several groups taking it for a spin.

We are thankful for the women that God has put in our lives that speak truth to us, pray for us and pick us up when we are down.

We are thankful that we have amazing husbands that stretch with us, pray for us and lead us.

We are thankful for our kids that keep us young and challenge us to think new ideas.

We are thankful for time spent together between Texas and Minnesota.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving,

Ruth and  Mel

What are you thankful for?

 

Helping your husband with Performance Struggles

Whatever struggle or frustration we face in our marriage bed impacts both of us.

Just like you would want your husband to be part of the solution when you have trouble reaching orgasm, we need to be part of the solution when our husband wants to last longer, or has a hard time keeping his erection.

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Checking Him Out – Enjoying Your Eyes

A year ago, my husband decided he should start doing sit ups to flatten the small ponch that naturally forms around the waist of a 50 year old man. Every night after he is ready for bed, he lays down on his back to crunch out 30 sit ups. His morning routine begins the same way. At first I didn’t think much of it, but lately I have realized just how much I enjoy it.

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Understanding our Differences

I have to be honest, sex has been hard lately. My body is aging, my attitude is lousy, and I am beginning to get back into old habits of focusing too much on the finish line. Trust me, I know all the right answers. I have been teaching them to women for over 4 years.  But no matter how much I know, some days are just tough. In fact, lately I found myself questioning whether I was a total fraud teaching and writing about sex – somehow implying that if you understand and put into practice what I teach, everything will magically fall into place. Honestly, some days I just wish sex was as easy for me as it is for my husband.

Let me share a few thoughts

So women won’t feel quite so alone, and

Men will have a peek at the battle their wife faces.

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