We are enjoying the holidays so please enjoy a re-post from July 2016.
I was recently asked about “quickies” in an Awaken-Love Women’s Class. The inquiring woman wanted help reconciling how fast food sex works with a husband and wife’s differing “warm up” needs.
When it comes to “quickies” in marriage, hopefully staying connected, selflessness and making the best use of the time you have are the motivators. None of our fast food culture’s short sighted, selfishly seeking instant gratification has a place in God’s design for marriage. Hold on, let me step off my soapbox real quick.
Quickies definitely have their place in the marriage bed, but cannot be the sole source of intimate connection to keep a marriage strong. Quickies fill a different role than more lengthy or luxurious encounters. Certainly, many husbands can reach orgasm quickly – even during a quickie – but many wives need more time to get there. So it’s super important to remember that great sex is getting to know your husband and allowing him to get to know you, not whether you have an orgasm. However, let’s not rule out an orgasm for a wife during a quickie. They are not necessarily mutually exclusive.
Quickies reconnect us – well, quickly.
- If it has been awhile since a husband and wife have been together, then a quickie may be just the ticket to reconnect to get over that “newness” or nervousness again before launching into a longer encounter later on.
- Quickies can allow a husband who is worried about premature ejaculation to release once really quickly so he is able to relax and be present during a longer encounter that immediately follows.
- Quickies are great if you are literally in a rush but want to be reminded that you are a team – while visiting family, in the shower, when small children are sick and clingy, etc.
- They can be a memorable way to start the day since arousal levels are typically higher upon waking up and a husband’s erection might already be present.
- Quickies can be a fun means of adding playfulness to your marriage – How speedy can we be? Where can we go to do it really fast? Will it work in the closet or the laundry room? When could I surprise him?
- Honestly, there are times when a wife may be too tired for a full course meal, but she loves her husband and wants him to have a release, so she proposes a quickie – for him to orgasm and connect and for her to love and connect with him with no pressure for her to orgasm.
Quickies can come in so many lovely varieties.
Here are some tips to make quickies more enjoyable for the wife:
As wives, if we are aware that a quickie is likely on the menu, then it is important that we use the power of our mind to build anticipation and prepare our self by awakening our body. We want to use our mind all the time, but for a quickie, our advanced thoughts can make up for the foreplay that will obviously be lacking.
Using a lubricant – whether store bought or something you already have at home like coconut oil – can also help speed things along since there isn’t time for natural lubrication to happen in full force. Our thoughts can help get the natural lubrication started, too. Praise God for our powerfully good mind!
If an orgasm is desired for the wife during a quickie, then she might need to incorporate some extra clitoral stimulation with his/her hands or a toy. Toys, if they are right for your marriage bed, can provide a stronger source of stimulation that can cut down on the time it takes to get there.
Experience can help, too. The old adage “practice, practice, practice” holds true. The more frequently we are sexually active with our spouse, the faster our body will learn to respond – with engorgement, with lubrication, and with pleasure. So start taking full advantage of your small pockets of time because they will help quickies get better and better!
I stand tall and proclaim that quickies are part of a balanced diet for marriage.
They may even be part of a nutritious breakfast! Obviously a diet of “just quickies” means a couple is missing out on other important nutrients in their marriage, but quickies can provide connection in a pinch and some really fun memories to think about later.
How does “fast food sex” nourish your marriage?