I used to hate when my husband traveled for work. My normal stance was to make sure the house was kept in order, the kids were taken care of and to treat my husband as if I was the ice queen. Phone conversations were limited to mundane details and I created a giant protective wall that would take days for my husband to gently disassemble when he got home.
I have since learned that times of physical separation can be an opportunity for fun and growth in expressing intimacy other ways besides skin to skin, sex in the same bed. It forces us to sharpen our other senses beside touch – things like smell, sight, and sound. It stretches us in using our words to connect – emotionally, spiritually, and even physically. We can heighten anticipation to create passionate reunions that are hot and spicy, or we can use technology to communicate and enjoy each other in a whole new way. So whether you are separated for a week or months, hang on tight as I share some ideas to
CONNECT – LONG DISTANCE
Tap into the Senses
Hide some items in your husband’s suit case to remind him of you. Think about things that stimulate the different senses.
- sexy pictures of you in lingerie or a favorite bra, to look at
- a t-shirt or nightie that you’ve slept in for weeks and that smells like you
- something doused with your favorite perfume
- a CD of your favorite songs or of you singing or reading
Stretch in your Words
Words are powerful. They stir us, they affirm us, and they communicate some of our deepest emotions. Taking the time to really think and put to words what our spouse means to us is a huge gift. A love letter my husband wrote when he was on an extended business trip is one of my most cherished belongings. If you need ideas of where to start, simply write several paragraphs framed around one or several of these starters.
- I love you because…….
- I remember when….
- When I look at your…
Send it hand written by snail mail or just jump on email.
If you have access to technology, then you can enjoy cyber dates that bring your worlds closer together. I remember when my daughter was in Morocco for 2 years, we literally brought her to dinner by skyping her in and placing the laptop on the table. So be creative and have some fun…
- Stream a movie together over skype and imagine that you are snuggled on the couch
- Get dressed up, set a candle light dinner, and feast on each other with your eyes
- Give him a fashion show and let him pick out what he wants you to wear when he gets home
- Skype from bed wearing your sexiest outfit
In the book, Kosher Lust, Rabbi Shmulley talks about how in the Orthodox Jewish faith, couples create anticipation during their monthly time of abstinence. Husbands learn to love their wife in other ways – they connect with their eyes, they entice each other with their words and they eagerly anticipate when the fireworks will fly at the reunion. In the same way, we can create anticipation, so that when we finally do come together, it is with passion.
- Send explicit texts about what you imagine your reunion to be like
- Show each other what you will be wearing when you unite
- Talk about what it is going to feel like to touch each other again
- Tease each other with shows of foreplay over skype
- Write an erotic story about your reunion and read it to your spouse over the phone
So the big question you are all wondering is- what about giving each other permission to masturbate? As with any gray area in the Bible, you need to discern what is best for you as a couple based on your past, your struggles and simply what God is telling you. If God gives you the green light, then there are some additional options to explore, but communicate about it so that it creates intimacy in your marriage rather than division.
Teens are tapping into technology in ways that they shouldn’t. But within marriage, with assured privacy, consider having fun in some new ways.
- Use skype to enjoy watching each other go to the stratospheres
- If you are shy, then instant message over skype, to ask the other to show you what you want to see
- Connect over the phone and describe to your spouse exactly what you wish they were doing to you as if you were in the same room.
After or Before
Share about the encounter you imagined and what it felt like. Make it a goal to share about every encounter to increase intimacy. Sometimes privacy is limited but connections can still be made in creative ways. Come up with a code word like “dancing” to represent sex. For instance you could say, “I had this awesome dream last night, where we went dancing and I was wearing …. and we were so in sync… I was imagining you wearing ….”
There are ways that we can experience our husband when we are separated by thousands of miles. Consider it an opportunity to change things up and have some fun. Surprise your husband and do something he would never expect you to do. Create anticipation for an amazing reunion and learn something new about each other.