In Awaken-Love classes we talk about all the reasons that God created sex. The book Intimate Issues shares that one of the reasons is for comfort. After David and Bathsheba lost their child in 2 Samuel 12:24 it says, “Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba, and he went to her and lay with her.”
In class, I often ask if any of the women can relate to sex being a comfort. Often I hear of experiences of women comforting a husband thru a bad day at work, a job loss, or even a death in the family. We tend to think about sex being a comfort for men, but remember, this was David comforting Bathsheba – not Bathsheba comforting David. Sex is to be a comfort for women, too.
A few women do share examples of sex being a comfort – usually after the loss of a child or a parent. They talk about an explainable experience of healing thru becoming one with their husband. Sex reaffirms their covenant that they are in this together. They share how their bodies wake to feel again after being numbed by unbearable pain. Really these are amazing God times that gently reminded them that God is good and there is hope and healing in time. But I think sex is supposed to be a comfort even in the small every day challenges.
I don’t think that women naturally think of sex as a source of comfort. In fact, I would say that when women are stressed out, struggling, or headed into the pit of insecurity or depression, sex is the last thing on our mind. I remember getting totally stressed out about work projects and literally stiff arming my husband because I couldn’t be distracted by one more thing. On days that I was sad or disappointed, I would withdraw and pout. If my husband approached me, I was appalled that he would think about sex when I was in such a bad spot.
The first time I experienced sex as a comfort was a conscious decision between my husband and I. Every night after I first started teaching Awaken-Love classes, I would wake in the middle of the night filled with insecurities about whether I should be teaching about sex, saying the wrong thing, and second guessing everything – I was battling demons. After a few nights of this, we decided that we needed to have sex on nights that I taught. It was a way for my husband to connect with me and say, “I’m in this with you.” It was a way to disconnect my head from replaying over and over what I should have done different in class. Sex was a comfort to me.
Sometimes women in class bring up the unbelievable bad timing of a husband approaching them for sex like :
- after a disagreement – but what if our husband is trying to say, “I am in this no matter what, I am one with you.”
- when we are stressed out – what if our husband knows better than we do what we need, “just forget about it for a while and let go, I’ve got you.”
- when we are grieving – when there are no words to take away our pain maybe our husband simply wants to love us and envelope us?
What if our husband is not just looking for a physical release, and even though he cannot put it to words, he intuitively understands the importance and the power of sex?
Women often think that men are the ones that don’t understand that sex is more than physical. But sometimes I think we are the ones that think that sex is just physical. We don’t understand the power of connecting as one to find refreshment, oneness, comfort and to just affirm we are in this together. Confront the lies that you believe about sex and give your husband the benefit of the doubt. When he reaches out because you are in a bad place, don’t assume he is just looking for a release. He may be literally trying to love you and say without even using words –
- I am here with you.
- Let me love you.
- Let me comfort you.
- Come away with me.
Is sex a comfort for you? How have you experienced it?