The other day a woman shared what a rude awakening sex had been for her. She had waited to have intercourse until her wedding night. As a virgin, she expected she might experience pain the first time. She also new that it would take time to learn new things and transition to enjoying sex. But she believed eventually becoming one with her husband would feel magical, full of pleasure and delight.
Instead she said, “When we had intercourse, my husband might as well have been rubbing his knee against my elbow.” For her, there was no pleasure, no tingling, no fireworks and she thought, “So I get to do this for the rest of my life?”
I don’t think this woman’s experience is all that unusual. I have heard from others about the excitement of finally having intercourse and ending up wondering, “What’s the big deal?” You can feel like you have been tricked. You work so hard to stay pure. You just assume the prize will be worth the wait – and then nothing – absolutely nothing but disappointment. How can something so enjoyable for our husband feel like nothing to us?
I don’t know why God did not create intercourse to produce fireworks for all women. I do know that he created women to have mind blowing pleasure with their husband. That might happen before intercourse, during intercourse, or after intercourse. Women are supposed to experience orgasm. That is why God gave us a clitoris. The sole function of the clitoris is to create pleasure.
The real questions are-
- How come so many men and women do not understand how the female body works?
- Why doesn’t sex education include conversations about the clitoris and how to make sex enjoyable for the wife?
- How can we prepare newlyweds to enter into a great sex life that will be enjoyed by both husband and wife?
- What is so scary about talking about the clitoris?
I have to be honest, I am as guilty as anyone else. I am not sure I have ever talked to my daughters about the clitoris and the pleasure that it holds. Yet boys are intimately aware of the pleasure that their penis is capable of. Does educating our daughters about what a wonderful body God gave them somehow give them permission to become sexually active before marriage? Shouldn’t our daughters know and understand their own body?
So, I am going to watch for opportunities to talk to my daughters about their clitoris – because they ought to know.