There are seasons when we are just plain tired. Our body hits a wall, but our heart still yearns to connect with our spouse. It happens to the best of us. When our tank is nearing empty, it can be easy to move growing deeper with our spouse to the backburner. However, if we do that, then we are no longer able to fully recharge the way that God intends and our refreshment deficit is in danger of increasing even more! Instead, we need to get creative and invite our spouse to meet us where we are.
Here’s one way this could play out when there is a beyond exhausted wife in the equation: Go take a shower (be honest, it needs to happen and you will feel better afterward) and then ask your husband to massage lotion or coconut oil all over your body. Explain that you are physically wiped out but that your desire to connect with him remains strong. Don’t forget to add that he has full access to touch your whole body. Giving him freedom to visually take in your body and feel every inch of you will turn him on while it refreshes you with lots of skin to skin contact.
All you need to do is plop yourself on your stomach on your bed, empty your mind and relax. Mentally connect with his touch – melt into it – and receive his gift of refreshment. As he straddles your back, let him trace your curves, enjoy your jiggles (yes, we all jiggle, embrace his trill) and when he gently pulls any part of you toward him, see if you can brush up against him. He’ll likely be well on his way to an erection.
Your husband will see how relaxing his touch can be – which is empowering to him and entices him to touch you more, which leads to more relaxation. It’s a win-win! Once he’s done with the backside, flip over, and encourage him to cover all of your front side, especially ensuring your breasts are good and moisturized.
When he is finished massaging in the lotion or oil, you can thank him and be done, resting contently in your receiving from him. Or…often times, as our husband’s touch relaxes us, we grow more open to the thought of new pleasures. If you have gotten even a small second wind, then you could suggest that you keep going. Think about it, your massage was ample foreplay for you both – you are relaxed and he is likely erect. Don’t be offended here guys, but the cost benefit analysis is pretty easy. We are probably only talking about adding on a few more minutes of connecting time – whether you end with a quickie or you manually stimulate him. Don’t forget, his erection was created by seeing your amazing body!
This is not tit for tat. You are not “paying him back.” Instead, you are choosing to allocate some of the refreshment that he poured into you to continue connecting and loving him. It is out of an overflow of gratitude for his willingness to see your need for rest and meet it. Sure, your husband expended more effort this time, but there is a balance of giving and receiving in our marriage. We don’t need to keep score. Instead, we need to find ways to meet our spouse where they are so that we make connecting a priority…even in the midst of being dog-tired. Let’s creatively pursue knowing our spouse deeply, as our heart desires, even when our bodies are exhausted. Let’s invite them to meet us where we are.