Meet Me

There are seasons when we are just plain tired.  Our body hits a wall, but our heart still yearns to connect with our spouse.  It happens to the best of us.  When our tank is nearing empty, it can be easy to move growing deeper with our spouse to the backburner.  However, if we do that, then we are no longer able to fully recharge the way that God intends and our refreshment deficit is in danger of increasing even more! Instead, we need to get creative and invite our spouse to meet us where we are.

Here’s one way this could play out when there is a beyond exhausted wife in the equation: Go take a shower (be honest, it needs to happen and you will feel better afterward) and then ask your husband to massage lotion or coconut oil all over your body.  Explain that you are physically wiped out but that your desire to connect with him remains strong.  Don’t forget to add that he has full access to touch your whole body.  Giving him freedom to visually take in your body and feel every inch of you will turn him on while it refreshes you with lots of skin to skin contact.

All you need to do is plop yourself on your stomach on your bed, empty your mind and relax.  Mentally connect with his touch – melt into it – and receive his gift of refreshment.  As he straddles your back, let him trace your curves, enjoy your jiggles (yes, we all jiggle, embrace his trill) and when he gently pulls any part of you toward him, see if you can brush up against him.  He’ll likely be well on his way to an erection. 

Your husband will see how relaxing his touch can be – which is empowering to him and entices him to touch you more, which leads to more relaxation.  It’s a win-win! Once he’s done with the backside, flip over, and encourage him to cover all of your front side, especially ensuring your breasts are good and moisturized. 

When he is finished massaging in the lotion or oil, you can thank him and be done, resting contently in your receiving from him.  Or…often times, as our husband’s touch relaxes us, we grow more open to the thought of new pleasures.  If you have gotten even a small second wind, then you could suggest that you keep going.  Think about it, your massage was ample foreplay for you both – you are relaxed and he is likely erect.  Don’t be offended here guys, but the cost benefit analysis is pretty easy.  We are probably only talking about adding on a few more minutes of connecting time – whether you end with a quickie or you manually stimulate him.  Don’t forget, his erection was created by seeing your amazing body!   

This is not tit for tat.  You are not “paying him back.”  Instead, you are choosing to allocate some of the refreshment that he poured into you to continue connecting and loving him.  It is out of an overflow of gratitude for his willingness to see your need for rest and meet it.  Sure, your husband expended more effort this time, but there is a balance of giving and receiving in our marriage.  We don’t need to keep score.  Instead, we need to find ways to meet our spouse where they are so that we make connecting a priority…even in the midst of being dog-tired.  Let’s creatively pursue knowing our spouse deeply, as our heart desires, even when our bodies are exhausted.  Let’s invite them to meet us where we are.

Comments 4

  1. Insightful! I am reminded of “the Place of Prayer”. Sometimes you are so tired and worn out. Fellowshiping with God begins to take the back seat(I can call that “a low sex drive, Lol!). Creating time to study His word also feels like a herculean task.
    However, as I draw near to God, owning my current state of mind, I feel Him draw nearer to me. As I begin a short conversation with him in worship(foreplay), I discover that I am turned on. What was supposed to be a five minutes encounter, could last for 30 minutes to one hour.
    Its amazes me how intimacy in marriage always mirrors the relationship of Christ and His church. Then I discovered that the more willing I am to the Holy Spirit, the more He makes me willing to my spouse.
    Once again, thanks for the article. God bless you.

    • Yes! Intimacy in marriage always parallels intimacy with God! Thinking about that parallel helps me better understand and embrace both deep, passionate and fully-known relationships. The best of the best that we experience in our marriage is but a foretaste of the unimaginable delight that we will experience when we, Christ’s Bride, are united with Him in perfect Oneness! Blessings to you!

  2. I’ve just spent two days flat on my back with a neck issue; my husband drove me to church last night, and on the way, I almost asked him to take me home again, I was in so much pain. Well – in church, from the moment I walked in the door until I walked out again – no pain! What a blessing! I made an effort to give my husband a ‘quickie’ last night – because I wanted to, not because he was asking – and felt pretty badly because of my limitation, but he was grateful and affirming. I was aware that he had desire, and he was aware and understanding of my physical issue. Hoping I can get through Sunday school, church and Bible study today, too. I have a wonderful husband and a great God!

    • We do have a great God! Praise Him that you can openly communicate with your husband and love each other out of an overflow of His love wherever you both are physically, emotionally and spiritually. I hope your neck issue improves quickly. Thanks for sharing.

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