The other night during the Awaken-Love Men’s Edition class we were talking about battling the lie that “Sex within marriage is boring.” I was sharing that I believe women are amazingly creative in the bedroom. In Song of Songs 7:11-12, she plans an outdoor rendezvous for the two of them to enjoy. They go to the vineyards early, before anyone else is there, and have sex outside.
Naturally, the men were eager to convey that they had no problem if their wife wanted to plan an outdoor adventure – or anything else that was creative. And then the question came up,
“If my wife is naturally creative, how do I get her to tap into her creativity?”
I have to be honest, beyond the obvious answers of creating a safe place and affirming the creative things that she does, I didn’t have much of an answer. So I have been chewing on it all week, and I have an idea…
Song of Songs is filled with passages that I like to call “The Battle of the Compliments.” It is as if they are trying to out do each other. He compliments her. Then she replies with her own compliment of telling him how wonderful he is. Then he tries to outdo her – and on and on it goes…
So here is my advice –
If you want your wife to be creative in the bedroom, then you had better get on board and plan something yourself.
Every time your wife puts on a piece of lingerie she makes herself vulnerable. When she texts you about sex or shows you a new position she takes a risk. If she creates a scenario that she knows you are going to find hot, she is puts herself out there. It is awesome for you and equally exciting for her as you both enjoy her creativity.
But if you never plan anything for her, you can bet that she is going to get discouraged and may stop.
Imagine if the opposite happened… She planned this little rendezvous that she knew you would find absolutely amazing. You both thoroughly enjoyed it and talked about it all week. A few days later, you surprised her by mixing some special songs for the two of you on a CD. You laid out a hot outfit for each of you to wear on the bed and set the stage. While you danced to the music in your bedroom, you took turns removing articles of clothing.
She would be so thrilled that the next week she would be thinking, “What can I plan next?”
The two of you would be in this battle to see who could outdo the other.
How fun would that be?
So, if you want your spouse to really tap into their creativity, be prepared to tap into your own creativity. When your wife takes even the smallest step – maybe wearing nicer sleepwear, or a new sexy outfit to dinner, or talking during sex, or surprising you – let them know that you noticed. Share a part of yourself and plan something that you think would be fun, exciting or meaningful for your spouse.
And ladies, the same goes for you!
Let’s see if we can outdo each other.
Anyone have some fun examples of trying to outdo each other?