My beloved is an amazing man who tells me that I am beautiful and that he thinks about me. I’m so thankful he has been willing to stretch and grow in his words over the years. But can I let you in on a secret? Do you know what the sexiest thing he’s ever said to me is?
Looking at me dead in the eyes, he said…
…I want you to know all of me.
Not what you were expecting, right? I don’t think he realized how deeply this touched my soul. I melted. He wants to be completely known – emotionally, physically, and spiritually – where nothing is hidden. Oh, how I could barely handle hearing those words because my heart yearned for them so!
God’s original design back when things were perfect in the Garden of Eden was for husbands and wives to be naked and unashamed with each other. It’s easy to get confused when every magazine in the grocery store check-out tells us otherwise, but intimacy in marriage isn’t about having the biggest orgasm. It’s about fully knowing one another. The journey of knowing leads us closer to God and who He created us to be.
My husband saying, he wants me to know all of him, is the sexiest thing he could say because it means he is seeking God’s design, which will lead to the best intimacy possible in our marriage. It is the sexiest thing because it means his is in the right place in his relationship with God, which is pretty sexy in itself. It is the sexiest thing because it means his focus is on becoming the man God created him to be for the betterment of our marriage and even for the betterment of me. Now that’s hot!
I recently attended a “Let’s Talk” Workshop that equips people to share the dangers of pornography. During the workshop we discussed the five levels of conversation.
- Reporting facts
- Sharing ideas and opinions
- Sharing feelings and emotions
- Unguarded freedom to be completely open and honest
Level five is where God intends for us to be with Him and with our spouse. I’m in a place where I feel free to express any emotion with God. I can revel in His lap whether laughing, resting or crying. But to be honest, the journey of unveiling myself in ever increasing depth and detail to my husband is a bigger challenge and sometimes scary to me. Expressing myself with unguarded freedom with him can feel risky. I’m sure it has something to do with him and I both being imperfect. It takes stretching, which is often uncomfortable, and I mean, I still have to fold laundry and balance the family budget with this guy no matter how our conversations go.
Yet despite every red flag and alarm that goes off in my head, I open up and share myself with my husband – physically emotionally and spiritually – because it’s God’s perfect design. And I don’t do it alone. I do it grounded in the security of an unchanging and faithful Father. Because He isn’t going anywhere, I can safely stretch myself to reveal more and more to my husband. It’s certainly not a linear path, sometimes there are two steps forward and one step back or big leaps forward or total stall outs, but “knowing more” is the general trajectory in our marriage.
This unveiling is sometimes done in serious sit down conversations, but more often than not, it is while we are side by side in the car or in the last moments before drifting off to sleep. It’s small deposits that grow into something bigger, which works just fine, because we have a lifetime together. Embracing the journey, we keep moving, celebrating every inch of progress and running after God’s design for marriage which leads to greater joy and freedom. Truly, He intends for our burden to be light.
You are worthy of being fully known by God and your spouse. I am worthy of being fully known by God and my husband, too. If you want to know the truth, it’s taken me a long time to not just agree with that statement, but to really internally believe it. I can now say, without reservation, I want my husband to know all of me. Revealing to him more and more of who I am has glued us together, increased our joy and drawn us both to trust God even more.
Have you ever spoken these sexiest of words to your spouse?