It’s back to school season! It is naturally a time to start fresh with new routines and expectations of learning and growth. As our kids crack open the textbooks again, let’s not neglect the fact that we are designed to be students, too – lifelong students of our spouse. Just as teachers aim to cultivate a love of learning in their students, we want to cultivate a love of learning about our spouse that carries us through our entire lives.
To be honest, like many students, my husband and I experienced some summer learning loss. We had a full summer of enjoying family time, later bedtimes for our kids, travels to visit those dear to us, our son’s first national level sports competition and a cold virus that hung around way too long. Instead of being a summer of love that heat things up, it was a summer of working hard to just maintain a connection. We creatively took advantage of some moments, but definitely didn’t explore as much as usual in the times we carved out for one another. (See, even when you teach classes about the importance of intimacy in marriage you are not exempt from battling obstacles and dry spells. We really are just regular people chasing God’s design in the midst of day to day life.)
As fall arrives and our schedules change again, my husband and I are intentionally rebooting and returning to where we were most glued together and joyful – when we devoted time to getting to know each other more on a regular basis. When we spent evenings alone together without screens – whether talking, laying skin to skin or going on an adventure in each others arms. Back when weekly extended at-home date nights and occasional meet-ups while the kids are at school filled our cups and kept the momentum going.
If our circumstances resonate with you, then I challenge you to intentionally include time to learn about your spouse in your fall schedule, too. There are two important questions to consider:
- What can I do to incorporate more time to connect with my spouse into my fall schedule?
- What do I want to learn during that time?
This is first year that my oldest was able to pick his own elective class. He chose Extreme Science. What would you choose to learn about in your marriage?
- Would you want to know your spouse in a new way by giving massages?
- Would you want to practice using your words to seduce your spouse?
- Would you want to invite God into your bedroom by reading Scripture together before you are intimate?
- Would you want to learn some new techniques or find new positions to try?
- Would you want to stretch yourself in moving toward a specific desire that your spouse has?
- Would you want to get vulnerable and begin praying out loud with your spouse?
- Would you want to boldly and lovingly talk about that thing you have been reluctant to share?
- Would you want to kick up your heels and take dance lessons with your spouse?
There is no shortage of things for us to learn about our spouse or invite our spouse to learn about us.
Last but not least, don’t forget to pick up any “school supplies” that you might need. Does your further education call for some new sheets, a new bottle of lubricant, some chocolates to keep bedside, a new journal to record what God does in your marriage or maybe something silky for you both to wear?
It’s back to school season. Let’s study our spouse and put in the time to keep building on what we are learning – growing and stretching together – as we walk in greater and greater wholeness and freedom with our spouse as God intends. I challenge you, and myself, to get glued to our spouse this school year!