Having a great sex life is not all rocket science. The small everyday things that we do make a huge difference. They set the stage and are the meat and potatoes of our relationship that great sex rolls out of. So, I thought I would share some of the small practical everyday things that make a difference to my husband and me.
Go to Bed Together
Jim and I go to bed at the same time every single night. Sometimes I am dragging him to bed because I am tired and sometimes he is taking me to bed. We lay together, we talk about our day, we cuddle, sometimes we have sex and we fall asleep next to each other.
Touch All Night
My husband and I sleep in a double bed. He is 6 feet tall and I am 5’-9” and we just barely fit in our bed. Most nights we sleep spooned skin to skin. When I am feeling restless or out of sorts, I stretch out on my belly, and we just hold feet. One night at a bed and breakfast, we slept in an enormous king size bed. In the middle of the night I woke in a panic looking for him, even though he was asleep in the bed beside me. Touching all night helps us stay connected.
Bring God into your Bed
My husband and I read the bible out loud to each other in bed almost every night. Sometimes one of us will fall asleep to the sweet sound of scripture being spoken over us. Other times God’s word is simply a prelude to the night’s festivities. Prayer either leads to sex, or follows sex in thanks for the connection we had. God is always a part of our marriage bed.
Fresh and Clean
My husband and I don’t get caught up in romantic ideas of what sex is supposed to look like – you know, the spontaneous rip your clothes off sex. Part of feeling confident during sex is knowing that we are clean, have fresh breath and took the time for personal grooming. Don’t let morning breath ruin the mood, just take care of it and then enjoy some great sex.
We touch all the time
My husband has always been generous with foot rubs. If we are watching TV, my feet are usually up in his lap. When we walk, our hands are intertwined. Our girls make fun of us because we always have to sit next to each other – at the theater, at the dinner table, at church – we take advantage of every situation to cozy up. BTW – I miss the bench seats in cars – center consoles are a bummer. Look for every excuse to touch.
Sometimes playing is working on a project. Sometimes it is playing a game with our kids. Sometimes it is snowboarding. Sometimes it is bicycling. Sometimes it is sex. But we have fun together and we love each other’s company. My going to a car race with my husband means the world to him, and that is enough to make it fun for me.
I have to be honest, I am often struck by how few couples cozy up next to each other during church. They sit divided by their kids or in adjacent seats, but miles away. (BTW – another instance where maybe a pew was closer to God’s design.) If we cannot approach the throne of God together, broken and surrendered but filled with hope for tomorrow, how in the world are we going to make marriage work, and how are we going to have great sex?
Great sex rolls out of the way that we do life together every day.
What do you do every day that makes your sex life better?