Sex in marriage is supposed to be a little taste of what God intended in the Garden of Eden – To Be Naked and Unashamed.
God created us for intimacy – to be fully known – to Him and to our spouse. Because Jesus died for our sins and paid the price, we can have a face to face relationship with God, but it is not easy.
I spent years trying to follow the rules, do the right thing, and take care of myself. I also spent years afraid to fail, say the wrong thing, or really show who I was. When I finally understood just how broken I was, how incapable of doing anything on my own and how much I needed a savior, I was released from the burden of trying to be perfect. I was set free – to fail, to let God work through me, to cry out to Him and to be myself. I let God fully know me and it has allowed me to be naked and unashamed with Him and with others.
But just like we are supposed to be Naked and Unashamed with God, we are supposed to be Naked and unashamed in marriage.
I know shame well. I carried it for the over 40 years. Nobody told me to carry it, in fact nobody even knew. I was really good at keeping secrets. But I knew… It was always there, keeping me from speaking up or being noticed – afraid that the truth would be known. Honestly, what happened to me wouldn’t seem like a big deal to most people, but it filled me with shame that held me in chains.
The first time I told anyone my secret was 6 years ago when I was on this journey of desiring more intimacy with God and with my husband. I remember reading Sheet Music by Kevin Leman with my husband when Leman said, you can’t believe how many women share things with me they have never shared with their husband.
I knew that was me. I knew that if I wanted to have real intimacy with my husband, I would have to open up and let him see even my deepest hurts from decades ago.
That night began a process of unwrapping myself to my husband. I shared secrets that had filled me with shame. I shared resentment that had built over decades. I shared hurts and insecurities that left wounds. And together we prayed over them.
My husband knows all of me and it has opened up this unbelievable freedom in our marriage bed.
The other day I was doing some research for a blog post when I stumbled onto an “instructional video.” I knew I shouldn’t be there, but I clicked on it anyway. As soon as my husband came home, I said, “ I watched porn,” and explained what happened. He gently listened to me and reassured me. I was still bothered by my lack of self- control when my husband sat back down beside me. He put his hand on me and began praying over my eyes and my mind. He asked for healing and cleansing and thanked God for the work I am doing. He asked for protection for me, and it blessed me in unbelievable ways.
God wants us to be naked and unashamed because He has paid the price. He can handle any muck that we have wallowed in but He wants it out in the open – and the sooner the better. Because what is in the light, holds no power.
We are supposed to experience freedom in our marriage bed, but first we must understand what it means to be fully known – to God and to our husband.
God wants you to be naked and unashamed
Gen 2:24-25 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.