The other night my husband and I had an awesome time connecting. I had gotten him to open up about a fun scenario that he found particularly enticing, and so naturally my wheels started turning. Really it wasn’t anything that took much planning. It was just catching hold of the small nuances that would take him back to that place we talked about. You know things like lighting, sleepwear, positions, ATTITUDE…But he knew that I had heard him, and he knew exactly where I was taking him. It was a great night!
The next morning I woke up feeling absolutely naked – like the skin had been stripped off of me – naked. It was as if I had been in a show and poured myself out and there was nothing left. It was like when I started teaching my classes on sex, and shared so much of myself, that I felt absolutely vulnerable and attacked afterwards. I was raw.
My husband immediately could tell something was up. He has gotten so much better at moving toward me when I am hurting. It didn’t take very long to open in conversation to him.
My head was spinning… why do we have to be the ones that dress up, how come men never have to? Why do we have to be the ones to explain what we need? How come he never plans things?
I am not sure our husbands realize just what a vulnerable thing it is to put on lingerie, share our bodies, or take them somewhere. I love doing it, and I enjoy every minute, but sometimes I feel so vulnerable afterward.
Importance of Stretching
Now you could think that Satan attacked me or that I am on a pity rant and that might be true. But truthfully, I do want my husband to put himself out there for me. I want him to stretch himself in areas that I desire even when it is uncomfortable and may not be who he naturally is. For example… words…sharing his words to arouse me may not come naturally. You know what? Wearing lingerie may not come naturally, but I do it because I love him and in the end, I enjoy it too.
You need to know that I am married to a wonderful man, and we have both grown so much in the last few years. But I don’t think we ever arrive. We stretch each other as we allow ourselves to be known more, and desire more intimacy.
So as we become one, I stretch and groan and get to experience new delights as I strive to love him well. And in return, I ask that he stretches and groans as he gets to experience some new delights. Marriage is a 2 way street. Sex is a 2 way street. We are in this together and it never gets boring.
Don’t give up because it sometimes gets hard. Pause a minute and thank God for the growth you and your spouse have experienced. Celebrate and encourage your spouse in the small steps they take. And don’t settle for anything less that God wants for you.
Originally Published as Two Way Street on Jan 11, 2015