If your wife only has an orgasm once in a while, the good news is that your wife knows how to orgasm. That bad news is that what worked yesterday, may not work tomorrow. If you expect your wife to orgasm simply through intercourse, then it might surprise you to learn the odds are against her. Only about 30% of women orgasm on a consistent basis during intercourse. If you want your wife to enjoy orgasm on a regular basis than you must constantly learn new things about her. Rather than thinking you have arrived, you have really just begun.
Expand Your Repertoire
If you want your wife to respond on a regular basis, then you must learn to love her in all different ways. One study in Australia showed that the number of moves in your arsenal has a significant impact on how often your wife has an orgasm. If you just have intercourse the rate is 50%. If you add manual stimulation then the rate increases to 71%. And if your arsenal includes intercourse, manual stimulation and oral sex then the orgasm rate for women is 86%.
If you want to explore ways to make intercourse more enjoyable for your wife, then read my series on orgasm during intercourse. What works for you is very different than what usually works for women.
Does she trust that you really enjoy giving her oral sex? Do you know how to read her body, tease her and tap into the power of stillness.
Have you expanded your repertoire to include new positions for intercourse, manual stimulation and oral stimulation that communicate different things to your wife? Check out the category for Positions.
Are you willing to use a vibrator once in a while if she wants to? Recently a woman stayed after class to discuss her challenge responding since starting anxiety medication. Though I encouraged her to talk to her doctor about other options, we also talked about incorporating a vibrator. What if she could enjoy orgasm by using a vibrator with her husband? How is that any different than using a pair of glasses as your eyes age?
If you want to keep your wife engaged, then be open to new experiences. Every time you make love try to discover something new about her.
Women have a deep desire for you to know them – emotionally, spiritually and physically. As you and your wife learn new ways to express yourself, you can communicate that you know how she feels by how you have sex. Comfort sex will look very different than playful sex. Nurturing sex will look very different from letting go, “yeah it’s Friday” sex. Set the tone and mood by adjusting the lights or adding music. Pay attention to how your wife feels and hold her in a way that fits her mood.
Rather than just focusing on movement or mechanics, learn to connect. during sex. Surprise your wife by stopping movement and try to feel her body. When she starts to move, slowly move with her. Look into her eyes during sex, listen to her breath. Stay present and if she seems far away, gently call her back with a, “hey” or “can you feel me?” or a smile. Rather than focusing on movement, create intensity through connection.
Use Your Words
Women devour romance novels and erotica because it gets their motor running. The way visually enjoying her can excite you, words can excite her. Create eroticism and arousal by simply speaking to your wife as you lay naked together. Share about the best sex the two of you ever had using vivid details…. Share what you would love to do to her if you had an empty house…. In vivid detail share the sexy date you want to take her on and how you would like to push the boundaries without anyone knowing…. Speak things to her in the moment from your heart, “you are a sight”, “just let go”, “I’ve got you”…. Don’t underestimate the power of words.
For many women, orgasm during intercourse does not consistently happen. Even though she may love intercourse because it feels so connecting, being left hanging can leave her feeling broken or defective. Sex does not have to be over just because you finished. Once you catch your breath, simply ask your wife, “Can I keep going?”. There are other ways to help her finish that don’t require an erection.
Without adding pressure to your wife, clearly communicate that you care about her pleasure as much as your own. Continue learning different ways to love her and to connect with her during sex. Help her believe that she is not too much work, does not take long and that you love your time exploring her. Your wife may have a hard time believing that she can consistently enjoy sex, or that she is worth the effort. Your job is to make sure she knows there is nothing that you would rather do then explore her.
If your haven’t read How Can a Husband Help His Wife Orgasm, make sure that you don’t ignore the basics.