Shifting from Sex After…. to Sex Before

For most of my marriage I treated sex as something that happened AfterAfter a long day of completing my “to do” list. After the kids were asleep or company left. Making love after a great date with my husband. After the party was over or my project done. After Jim and I talked through our disagreement…. But changing my mindset to consider sex as something to indulge in before has both benefited me personally, and my marriage.

Before Our Day

Some of our most enjoyable sex happens before our day. With rested bodies and minds we can focus all of our energy on each other. Rather than immediately diving into our day, we take time to connect and love each other, and our day feels different because of it. Often by midday Jim has sent me a text wondering how I am.  Having sex in the morning connects us and smooths out our day.

Before the House is Asleep

Waiting until after the kids are asleep can seriously strain your sex life. Whether you have young kids still falling asleep, or teenagers staying up late to watch a movie, time will disappear if you wait. Learn to set boundaries on mom and dad time, use a lock on the door, and go escape together to communicate the importance of intimacy in marriage. Though I would prefer sex with the house empty or asleep, I have learned to have fun creating excitement by seeing just how quiet we can be.

Before Our Date

When my husband took me out on a nice date, by the time we got home, my body was ready for sleep. Hardly able to keep my eyes open, the idea of sex didn’t excite me at all. So I have learned to initiate sex before we go out on a date. Sex clears the drudgery of our day and opens us up to each other. When I get dressed I feel radiant and sexy. During our date, touching, teasing and looking into each other’s eyes happens naturally while conversation flows freely. Having sex before will make your date so much better.

Before a Party

I am a classic introvert. In a large crowd you will find me huddled in the corner by myself or with a close friend. The other day we hosted a group of people for dinner and before they arrived, we snuck in some loving. I have never been more relaxed or confident during a party. Through out the evening I dove into conversations, initiated mixer questions, and rallied game playing. Afterward I told my husband, “I did better tonight, didn’t I?” He grinned in agreement as we both secretly new why. Sex before a party does wonders for me.

Before our Challenges

Teaching Awaken-Love sex classes is both fulfilling and challenging. I am never quite sure what question will come up, or what difficult situation will arise. Teaching is bathed in prayer and dependence on God, but sometimes I just need to feel my husband’s support. Making love before teaching class comforts me and props me back up. It helps me remember why I do what I do and gives me the courage to stay the course. Whatever your challenge, consider connecting with your husband as a way to feel his support. Strengthen yourself with raisins, refresh yourself with apples and let God meet you in your love making.

Final Thoughts

Get creative and try having sex “Before”. Have the sitter come early so you can get dressed in peace. Shower off together and create some fun. Tell your teens you are heading to bed and go enjoy each other while they finish their movie. Start your day off right by getting up a little earlier to connect. Rather than making sex the last thing on your “to do” list, make it the first. Instead of treating sex like the cherry on the top, treat it like the appetizer that whets your taste for more connection. Don’t relegate sex to after but indulge in  it before.

Comments 3

  1. My wife and I adopted a policy of doing this a long time ago. I’d take her out for a nice dinner and we’d come home both full and tired, not thinking about doing anything intimate. That, or we’d spend our Saturday doing chores and by the time it got to night time we both didn’t care anymore.

    So, as much as possible, before is the priority.

  2. Very, very true! With plenty of young children in the house, trying to making love at the end of night is useless. All those other times of day you mentioned are so much better.

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