As much as we want our husbands to be more romantic, work on intimacy or better meet our needs, we have a hard time not shooting ourselves in the foot. Even when our husband tries, we complain, or negate their attempts until eventually they just give up. The best way to encourage growth in your husband is to get excited about the small steps he takes.
In A-L Men’s Edition, rather than assign reading, we focus on hands-on-learning. The other day, Jim and I asked for feedback about the hands-on-learning. One of the husbands immediately replied, “I tried doing the ‘hug every day until your wife relaxes’ but she said, ‘this is your homework, isn’t it?’”
I almost cringed. This husband had not only stepped out of his comfort zone to take a class on sex, but he followed through on the assignment. Because he loved his wife, he willingly did the hands-on-learning to try something new for his wife. Rather than feeling thrilled or just going along with the flow, his wife shot herself in the foot. She negated what he did because it wasn’t his original idea. She relegated his action to “you’re just doing it because it’s homework”. And she decreased the chances that he will try again.
We wives shoot ourselves in the foot all the time. We ask our husband to buy flowers for us. Then when they do, we complain about how much they spent, or what kind of flowers. Or even worse, we dismiss their effort because they did what we asked instead of surprising us.
We ask our husband if we look good. When they tell us we’re smoking hot, we don’t believe them. We think they are just saying we’re beautiful because we asked.
When we ask our husband to learn more about sex, and they try something new, we analyze their intentions. Instead of being thrilled that they put in some effort, we pout and think they only tried because we asked. If they really cared, we wouldn’t have to ask.
Most husbands are much lower maintenance then we are. A hot meal, help on a project, sitting by their side to watch their favorite show, and sex once in a while is all they require. We on the other hand are quite the opposite.
We want our husband to read our mind, constantly think of ways to make us feel special, share deep meaningful thoughts and make us feel like a princess.
But the worst part is that when they try, we knock them down. We negate what they do because they didn’t think of it themselves. Or we point out how they did not quite meet our expectations.
Ladies, if we want our husband to stretch and grow to meet our needs, then we need to encourage them. We must notice not only results but effort. Instead of pointing about how they missed the mark reward them for the effort they put forth. When they do things that are completely uncomfortable, even when it feels awkward or scripted at first, appreciate them. Don’t always question and doubt their motives. When they try to meet our needs, even those specifically requested, they do so because they love you. Build them up, encourage their growth and watch them start to thrive.