My husband and I are very different. We have different tastes, passions, and even things that we love during sex. As I have matured, I am learning the joy of sharing life. I find pleasure in seeing delight in my husband’s eyes. I don’t try to convince myself to fall in love with something just so we can have common interests. I have fallen in love with seeing my husband’s love of life.
My Husband’s Passion
Recently my husband and I went on our annual getaway and Jim had an agenda in mind. He wanted to go to Watkins Glen race track in New York. To be honest, the thought of going to a car race used to make me bristle. That was part of Jim’s old life, with old friends about makes, models, and racers that I had no interest in. Sitting at a track in uncomfortable stands, listening to cars so loud that you couldn’t even hear each other speak, was not my idea of quality time.
But as we entered the track on Saturday, I watched Jim’s face. The face of a little boy, so excited that he forgot everything else. Sucking in the smell of unburned hydrocarbons reminded him of sweet times spent at the track with his brother that died far too young. We spent the day looking at old cars displayed on the inside of the track. I marveled as he sparked conversation after conversation about the _____ on the _____ from the _____. With my encouragement he shelled out the dough for his souvenir t-shirt and we waited for the autograph he sought. I don’t have to enjoy the races, I just need to enjoy seeing my man happy. I want to see a piece of his world.
My husband and I are different. On vacation Jim loved the car race, while my favorite part of the trip was hiking the Watkins Glen State Park and marveling at God’s creation. When I ask my husband to share about his life, conversations usually revolve around work because that is where he spends his days. I spend my days talking about classes, writing and what I am learning about sex. Just like the rest of life, learning to enjoy sex has required us to give and take. I don’t want to just have sex the way that I want to have sex. Sometimes I want to see the delight of a husband that gets what he wants, and that has required growth from both of us.
Differences in Sex
My husband has certain activities during sex that he loves. It has taken a conscious effort for me to fall in love with the spooning position that provides no eye contact and little clitoral stimulation. Learning to enjoy doggie position required me to face my fear that my husband was an animal and instead enter the eroticism of power. Other positions have required that I face my own insecurities or lies about the role of women during sex. But just as important, I have learned to like the activities my husband likes, simply because he loves them. When he shows his delight, I get excited. That is the power of connection during sex. His arousal drives my arousal, and mine drives his.
But the give and take of sharing life is a two-way street, even during sex. My husband has stretched to enjoy what delights me. Jim has learned to use words before or during sex. He speaks what he wants to do to me, or makes up a scenario that I will find exciting. Jim has expanded his repertoire and mixes things up because I like variety. When I shake off one thing, he heads a new direction. He is more in tune to my body, sometimes moving slow and connected to let me catch up. Even the little things like turning on the twinkle lights helps me to enjoy sex, and he loves it because I love it.
Marriage involves lots of give and take, but we aren’t supposed to lose ourselves in the process. Your husband may not love car racing, or like the same things during sex that my husband does, but he should have his own desires. If we want to know our husband then we need to embrace who they are. We don’t just keep compromising and giving up our own passions. We boldly share our life with the person we love, but also learn to enjoy our spouse’s enthusiasm. I love that God created my husband so different than me. He has shown me a whole new world.