Learning to Like Giving Your Husband Oral Sex

Most men love to receive oral sex, but many wives struggle to enjoy giving it. A penis can feel scary and foreign up close. Oral sex can also feel dirty because of past experiences or messages we’ve received. Though we are all very different, I would challenge you that oral sex can be a very intimate way to know a husband. It takes great trust and you can learn new things while focusing just on his pleasure.

But ultimately, if you don’t want to do it, you probably shouldn’t. No one should ever feel forced, coerced or guilted into doing something sexually. But if you want to learn to enjoy giving oral sex, I have a few suggestions for you.

Ask for What You Need

If cleanliness, smells, or germs are a factor, then ask him to shower first. Make it clear that you want to relax and enjoy giving, but him showering is necessary. If you get tired of fishing hair out of your mouth, then buy him a hair clipper and show him how nice a little grooming can look. If his fluids taste strong, suggest changes to his diet. Coffee, red meat, and strong vegetables like broccoli can impact his taste. Feed him fresh fruits like strawberries, pineapple or kiwis for a sweeter taste.

Go After Healing

Many women don’t want to give oral sex to their husband because of past experiences or choices they have made. Maybe they were forced to give oral sex when they didn’t really want to. Or maybe oral sex became a way to keep a boyfriend or stay popular.

The first step to healing is recognizing what impacted you and talking to someone about it. Pray over those experiences, ask for healing, or forgiveness and for freedom. Believe that within marriage, God wants you to experience all of His gifts, regardless of your past. See a counselor if you need to. There is no sexual past that God cannot heal, but you have to go after healing.

Take the Reins

Your husband needs to understand that when you give oral sex, in order to feel safe, you need to feel in control. You get to choose how deep you go, how long you do something, or whether you swallow. He gets to lay back, relax and thankfully receive what you have to offer.

Use Coconut Oil

A little coconut oil makes everything move just a little smoother. Warm him up by sensuously rubbing oil around his thighs, testicles and penis. Take your time and watch how his penis respond to lighter open touches, playful touches, or full luxurious strokes. Play with his testicles for a bit. Transition from hand, to mouth, to hand with mouth or whatever you want. Get closer and run your cheek up his shaft, or brush your lips on his head.

Open Up Your Definition

Somewhere we got the idea that oral sex has to look like deep throating. But only you can decide what loving your husband with your mouth looks like. You might enjoy just kissing, breathing hot air, or gentle licks of his penis. As you get more comfortable try a wide flat tongue stroking up his shaft, or licking him like an ice-cream cone. Try holding his shaft with your hand and just put the head of his penis in your mouth. Using your tongue or cheeks, you can explore him and create amazing sensation. As you relax, you might want more of him, or you might not. You get to decide when and what. Once you feel more comfortable you can read more ideas. 

Create Baby Steps of Positive Experiences

Don’t force yourself to do something that makes you uncomfortable. If you gag every time you take him in, then stop. Find something that you love doing, and do it. Then when you get comfortable with that, just take a small step and try something new. Build on positive experiences and create an expectation of enjoyment, not dread.

Your husband cares as much about your enjoyment as his. When you love what you are doing, and show your enjoyment, he will love it. When you get turned on by giving to him, then you will turn him on.

Discuss Options for Finishing

Letting your husband finish in your mouth makes them feel like you love every part of them. But let’s be honest, most women don’t start at that point.

You need to gently be honest about his options for finishing. Some couples have a signal when he is close, so the wife can finish him with her hands. Other couples just use oral sex as foreplay. Some women are ok with him finishing in her mouth but afterward she gently spits his cum into a rag. You need to talk about what works for you and come up with a plan so that you enjoy the experience without worrying about the finish. Oral sex can be wonderful, regardless of whether he finishes in your mouth or not.

Final Thoughts

Sometimes oral sex is an acquired taste that takes time, gentleness and patience. Forcing someone to eat their peas never made them like peas. In fact, it probably made them hate peas and resent their parents. Our husband wants us to love what we do during sex, so take off the pressure, start talking, and challenge yourself to take baby steps of growth. Happy exploring.

Comments 112

  1. Thank you Ruth for this wonderful article.
    For me it has defiantly been a journey of small steps. It took my husband some coaxing to get me to even discuss oral sex. I finally did do some research on my own and found good information in various marriage blogs. Having that first discussion out side of our bed room about oral sex was very good for both of us. I found out what he was expecting from os.. Trying to get all of him in my mouth was not even brought up (so glad). Just doing kisses and licks was a great way to start. I am still working on doing more though. Just one step at a time. It has been a great way for me to take a more active role in our love making to. I do enjoy it.

    I am also working on getting more comfortable about receiving os.
    Does anyone else have that issue?

    • Thanks for sharing your experience to encourage others.
      I think many women struggle to enjoy receiving Oral Sex. If nothing else, we have a hard time just shutting down our brain so that we can just receive.

  2. This is the most warm, positive article on oral sex I’ve read. You even make it sound enjoyable. Good job!
    And I’ll be bookmarking this page. I’ve been looking for some help getting past the routine only and getting some feeling into the act without making myself sick. I think you’ve got it right here! Thank you for sharing your perspective with us.

  3. Dear Ruth

    Very nice piece. Hopefully reassuring and encouraging counsel. I am a man (and a husband) so if I may here are a few comments from that perspective.

    I can’t help thinking that the attraction of “Deep Throat”-style oral sex is mostly in the visuals, and especially mostly from pornography. The most sensitive parts of the penis are around the tip, and the most “dextrous” (I can’t think of a better word) parts of a mouth are the lips and the tongue’s tip and blade. IME interaction of those parts makes for exciting sensations, and not so much the woman (a) stuffing as much in as she can or (b) pretending her mouth is something else.

    Your point about diet and personal hygiene is good. I wonder if a man might (subconsciously perhaps) notice and change behaviour if he gets more attention Down There after he’s has a shower or eaten his greens.

    It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. In fact I find it a bit of a turn-off if the woman goes down and stays down till it’s all over. Much nicer if it’s part of a kind of tour of the body (and that’s often how I enjoy my wife’s body and give her oral sex). I think even the term “oral sex” separates it off too much from general lovemaking.

    It does feel fantastic and you are right about the woman being in control. Female friends have told me similar — that they feel very much in control of the man and how he is feeling.

    Sorry if I’ve overstepped the mark!


  4. I have been married for 23 years, we talked about this before marriage and she said she looked forward to receiving and giving after marriage. But she has never once tried it or attempted it. Early in our marriage l meantioned it and got several negative reactions so in the last 20 years l have never asked again. So l honestly dont know what l am missing, but everytime l read a blog about this I get very curious and wonder what it feels like. I have givin to her many times and l truly enjoy giving it and she enjoyed receiving, but in the last 7years, since our last child was born l havn’t tried it. She dont want to talk about sex or our marriage bed. I just keep praying for her and maybe the Lord will give her awaking love for marriage.Thank you for your blog, it’s been and encouragement to me and has help me to continue to Pray and Love her.

  5. For the ladies who want to learn how to both give and receive OS I highly reccomend taking an Awaken Love class. This part of love making shifted greatly for me (my husband was always on board) and completely changed my attitude about it. As with anything, practice makes perfect, so even allowing him to be down there for 2 minute at a time is a great way to start. I think that also until you learn to truly love giving OS it’s hard to enjoy receiving it because of the thoughts we have running through our heads. Before I didn’t enjoy giving it so I assumed he felt the same way when preforming OS on me. Now that I enjoy giving I also enjoy receiving. Perhaps that’s just my experience. Blessings!

  6. First of all, thank you for boldly and bravely talking about this issue – as it’s a topic for many and there is no way around it except to be direct and open in a respectful way.

    A few tips I’ve found work in my marriage:

    1. Don’t just “bob” all day. My husband says that’s overrated. Go to the right depth and suck and suck intently, like a straw..

    2. Positioning matters. I like being on my knees, so does he. There are other options. Do what works or experiment.

    3. Finishing. We do like not just making it foreplay to something else but making oral sex the item – or, at least, round 1! For me, finishing is important as it’s what I enjoy the most out of it, personally – going back to your article about being selfish! Agree that talking about the “how” is very important.

    • Agree with Married Sally, being on my knees while giving OS, I feel so much more in control and when he finishes I can control that much better too! Plus I love giving my husband eye contact, that usually sends him over the edge! As a follower of Jesus, I respect you so much for writing this blog… Great posting Ruth!

    • Awesome Married Sally for sharing your experience and thoughts about “finishing”. That is a motivation as well as the other positive postings for other wives to hear. And not just the husband finishing but the wife as well for her husband to devour!

  7. Position 69 is always a great choice to satisfy both husband and wife. How great it is for the wife to take it all in her mouth while the husband a very visual creature watches. It is always just as sexy for the husband to devour his wife’s cum.

    • 69 can be a great position for mutual enjoyment, but it does have some challenges for the wife. Being fully exposed on all 4 can feel super vulnerable for her. Plus the position is not very relaxing for the wife, while the husband lays on his back. It is not a place that I would suggest wives to start as they are trying to gain confidence and get comfortable.

        • I am not against the 69 position, but the original comment was posted on an article about a wife learning to give oral sex. In that situation, I don’t think it is the best position. Men tend to think it is much hotter than women -at least for the less experienced.
          As far at the reverse 69, again I am not against the position, but there is no way that this is a good position for a women learning to like oral sex. She will feel totally out of control with him on top of her.

  8. Thanks Ruth for addressing this topic in a thoughtful and sensitive manner. Many wives do struggle with giving oral sex to their husband. I think the advice that is best in practice is to work at making small steps with it. Husbands need to be understanding and patient and not expect their wife to be able to go 100 percent all-out the first several times she gives oral sex. In time, most wives find that they are able to do more both comfortably and confidently.

    A suggestion for wives is to give it a try and not automatically say no to it. Often times, a person’s fears or anxieties are found with experience to be groundless and can be let go of. Consciously working at cultivating a positive mental attitude towards oral sex can help a wife be more relaxed when she actually gives it to her husband. The most frustrating thing for a husband who desires to receive oral sex is when his wife will not even give it a fair try. Be aware that enthusiasm is so much more important than technique when giving it. Find out what works best for both of you. I think most husbands sincerely desire that their wife enjoys the experience.

  9. How how so true with the wife having enthusiasm towards anything sexually! I couldn’t agree more! Enthusiasm and a positive attitude than not wanting to try things or just going through the motions is not satisfying to the husband and he will feel unfulfilled and less desired. Enthusiasm and great attitude is everything! Thanks for sharing!

  10. Ruth, I want to commend you for writing this article, especially coming from a women perspective and point of view. I would hope you are able to counsel Christian couples and women before they get married on the importance of this and how important it is for a man to receive oral pleasure from his wife and like wise the women receiving from her husband. Having Christ centered marriage and prayer life is vital. When you write about finishing in the wife’s mouth, I think it is probably the most sexiest and loving thing a wife can do for her husband. I think most women think of this as a porn activity and gross. Is this something you discuss with other women prior to marriage? Is this the norm of most married women for the husband to finish in her mouth or on his wifes beautiful face?

    • I agree that oral sex can be a very intimate way to connect, but I believe that there are many intimate ways to connect. No certain activity should be put above the importance of loving one another and caring for each other. My goal with women is to open their minds to discovering new things that they love to do and I would never push specifics. If they are relaxed and enjoy things, then activities will progress with increased trust and intimacy.
      I agree that pornography has made life complicated. The expectations that come can sometimes blind the importance of caring and loving for each other. And how do you discern whether what you want to do feels exciting because it is a new way to know each other, or because you saw it in porn and you are trying to recreate that excitement? Especially the activity of finishing on your wife’s chest or face. It is often portrayed in porn – and not in a loving way – but in a degrading way or a I am beyond caring about you, I need to just do what I need to do. I pray that people receive healing from what they have seen or read, that connection becomes as exciting as particular acts and that God would create a loving mutuality in marriages.

  11. I concur with Anonymous in that oral sex is one of the basics of sex that couples should commit to exploring, with the caveat that ultimately, if one or both just doesn’t find enjoyment out of it, it’s not worth pursuing.

    In addition, just because an idea is portrayed in porn, or even if someone may have gotten the *idea* from porn, doesn’t make it bad, so I hope that couples don’t stop from engaging in an exciting activity simply because the idea came to them via something they read or observed via means that may not be ideal.

    Of course, this goes to why blogs like this and others like it are so important..so couples can get ideas from positive sources!

    • I just want to say we are devout Christians, I love giving my husband oral and let him finish oral in my mouth. Most men are very visual creatures as my husband is and he loves to watch.

    • I agree with Married Sally that oral sex is one of the basics of sex and it ought to be explored with mutual respect. As well, Ruth makes a very helpful point that connection is important. It does appear that for some husbands the excitement of oral sex sometimes obscures the importance of working for a loving connection in all married sexual intimacy.

      When couples keep in mind that they are working for loving, shared emotional intimacy, the connection they seek is easier to achieve. The mind plays a big role here. One of the reasons husbands enjoy receiving oral love from their wife is the acceptance they feel and that is in the mind. Similarly, the wife can bear in mind the acceptance she is giving to her husband during the act even while both spouses are in a sense, vulnerable. When the more constructive and positive mental attitude is achieved (which takes time), the physical aspects of giving oral sex are no longer seen as obstacles or impediments.

      Context is so very important. Yes, porn is a terrible influence in our society. And, much of what is depicted in porn is degrading and devoid of love and true connection. But, let us not be too quick to condemn an act because it is in porn. Oral sex within a truly loving marriage can enhance the intimacy and connection of the spouses. It is precisely the shared vulnerability, the mutual trust and acceptance that is in play during oral love that serves to strengthen the connection between the wife and her husband. Mutuality is present when both spouses work for the loving connection with trust and acceptance. If I may, let me say this about climax (and ejaculation) which is usually the biggest hurdle for the wife. It is not solely the physical connection (and excitement and pleasure) that is most intense at this time; the intimate emotional connection is pretty intense when the wife lovingly shares and participates in her husband’s climax by freely accepting it inside her mouth.

      It is very encouraging that there are good Christian marriage blogs that address loving sexual intimacy in a positive and constructive manner.

  12. As written in the article alluding to the husband finishing in his wife’s mouth, I would be curious to know if it is a norm for most women to allow their husband to do this or is it something that just comes with oral sex and is unavoidable. Or on the other hand if the wife just demands her hubby doesn’t finish in their mouth or face or just not allowing him to finish during oral all together… Great topic of discussion.

    • I don’t think that norms are important. I don’t want women to feel pressured because women do or don’t. They need to discern what they are comfortable with and what creates connection.

  13. Just remember to pray and have Christ in the center of your marriage…once you have that your sex with your spouse will be the best ever, even oral and what comes with it!

  14. Amen to the previous comment! I used to be repulsed and grossed out when my husband would finish anywhere near my face. I have grown to accept it and love him. I now am very comfortable allowing him to finish where ever he chooses even in my mouth!

  15. This is such a great and intimate topic. I for one once I have my husband finish in my mouth his penis is so sensitive I put the shaft back in my mouth and twirl my tongue around it while I look at him. He absolutely loves that! I love to swallow him!

  16. I myself took several years to get used to my husband finishing OS in my mouth. It is something you have to get used to at least it was for me. When he drinks fruit smoothies his semen tastes fruity. Drinking coffee before it has a bitter taste. For me sometimes when I am giving him a hand job during OS and he is about to explode I put his penis as far back in my mouth as I can and my hubby shoots down my throat and I can’t really taste it. God Bless to all you wives out there who are healing from past sexual sin as I was and left my husband on the sidelines for several years just going through the motions as far as OS goes.

    • Thanks for sharing some ideas that might be helpful to other women. I agree that the taste can vary tremendously because of his diet.

        • If you eat or drink something strong like asparagus or coffee then you can notice within a few hours. If you are trying to makes the taste more mild or sweeter, then it can take longer because other things need to get out of your system. I think it is kind of surprising how fast it can have an impact.

    • I agree with Jen. This is something that the more you do the easier it gets. It took me over seven years to finally let my husband finish OS in my mouth. I now even allow him to finish in my mouth after he has been inside of me. A great way to connect with each other. Thanks to others for sharing your experiences… That is awesome us followers of Jesus are not afraid to share what God has given us.

    • Not at this time, but you can host a video class anywhere. Just invite a few friends, listen to the weekly teaching and facilitate the discussion in healthy and respectful ways. Here is a link to information about a video class.

  17. Hello Ruth, I just came across your blog. Thank you so much for your insight and topic of discussion. Us as Christians shall not be ashamed of things sexually the world has abused.

    • Moderating this discussion is like walking a tight rope. Though I understand the freedom that can come in expressing excitement about what you have learned or are learning,but we need to be careful with our words. Though all of you can comment anonymously and may feel freer expressing yourself, I am not anonymous.The comments that I allow are a reflection on me and the ministry of Awaken Love. Please do not describe things in a way that will cause others to picture what you have done or will do to your spouse. Please share information that you think could help others strengthen their marriage. Could you say to a friend what you are writing? Here are a couple of posts that might clarify.

  18. “Your husband cares as much about your enjoyment as his. When you love what you are doing, and show your enjoyment, he will love it. When you get turned on by giving to him, then you will turn him on.”

    YES, YES, YES 👍

    This statement is so incredibly true I can’t tell you! THANK YOU!

    I have been married to my wife for 24 years. I love her dearly and love intimacy with her. More often times in our marriage she had gone through the motions, quick to say no, and reluctant to do things even if it was just plain sex. We could have IC or OS everyday but I wasn’t emotionally fulfilled because she seemes like she was giving in or just doing me a favor. Even just putting on a strip show for me she would not be as enthused as I would be.
    Us men want the feeling of being desired and wanted. Even if it was just once a week or several times a month but knowing my spouse can’t wait to desire me is much more fulfilling than the actual act itself. That is why pornography is such a powerful thing for men (and sometimes women) because those people you ate seeing are saying to you, “I want you!”. There is nothing like getting home knowing you have a spouse just waiting for you sincerely not just by words. But sticking to the topic at hand, I will not go into detail but I commend and take my hat off to those women who swallow or take it in their mouth as us men are very visual creatures and that is a huge turn on. I envy those men who get to experience this intimacy from their wife.

    • Thanks for helping women understand the importance of entering into sex with their whole heart rather than just going through the motions.

  19. Wow Ruth, quite the discussion here… Are women really supposed to enjoy taking their husbands semen on their face much less their mouth!? I as a married woman find it repulsive and not wanting to give OS if that is something to look forward to whether or not my husband is wanting me to do that or not… I know he would probably enjoy it however.

    • Yes, certainly a topic with all kinds of pre-conceived ideas that might feel wildly different for different people. Communication about motivation and meaning can help us discern what feels right and good for us as a couple and as individuals. Ultimately God intends sex to show love to each other and to unify the marriage. As we build trust that our spouse would never try to degrade us or use us, maybe we can set each other free to express ourselves even in the heat of the passion.

      • By your reply of “we can set each other free to express ourselves even in the heat of the passion.” Are you saying it may happen in the heat of passion and to be motivated and prepared and to accept it by showing love for my husband by how you state God intends sex to show love to each other and to unify the marriage by trusting my husband?

    • This comment is for MAY. I used to have the same thoughts and attitudes about OS no way,no chance was my husband going to ejaculate near my face. I would get angry if he did. Then after a lot of prayer, listening to my husband and showing how much I desire him I actually now find it arousing to taste him. I can’t tell you what it has done for his attitude and confidence in life and for me it has done. I had an open mind and open “mouth”. Even though he knows I love him regardless I believe he feels I accept him more and unequivocally love him leaving him no doubt. Praying for you and your spouse and your marriage!

  20. I just want to say I am a pastor’s wife and I counsel newlyweds. When I discuss sex with the bride we usually discuss oral sex, and with oral sex you have semen, so they are prepared for it. I encourage them to love and accept their husband and fulfill his spirit, mind and body to the fullest.

    • Thank you for having the courage to talk openly about sex with newlyweds. I hope that the groom receives a similar message about fully loving and accepting his wife’s body. Though I am all for freedom in the marriage bed, we also need to realize that many men and women have baggage around sex and may need to seek healing in order to enter into that freedom. Be careful to present possibilities rather than prescribing.

  21. Oh yes! We discuss all of that for sure! I can’t go into specifics but these sessions are are so the spouses leave nothing on the table. When they put Christ first, have active prayer life, lead others to the Lord and be a shining light for other and leave any and all baggage behind they need to give their all to their spouse and having a fulfilling sex life pleases GOD because HE created it. The groom discusses his future journey of marriage with my husband. We also give them a copy of your book as a gift. God Bless you and all of your bloggers and readers!

  22. Ruth…thank you for your wonderful ministry. I enjoy reading your blog and all of the comments. I love listening to your podcasts! You are doing such a wonderful thing building up your treasures in heaven! Can’t wait for your next posting…

  23. Hello Ruth, I have been enlightened and educated reading your blog and the comments by others. This topic seems to have far has gotten the most comments then others. I would like your thoughts… I do perform oral sex on my husband although I do not let him ejaculate. I always stop before hand. He has finished in my mouth once before and I hated it and got angry. Is this something us as being good wives to our husbands are expected to do? Is this like having intercourse with my husband and not letting him finish? He always jokes saying the worst part of oral sex is stopping. I thought this activity was only done in porn movies, or am I that naive? Thank you for your thoughts.

    • KT
      Finishing a husband with oral sex is not just something that happens in porn movies. Many wives thoroughly enjoy it as an intimate way to connect with their husband. Crazy how pornography has robbed us of freedom in our marriages. Some women love swallowing from the beginning and others gradually learn to relax and enjoy it more and more. But some women may not ever learn to love it. I don’t think we let our husband finish in our mouths because we are expected to. We do it because we want to. More than anything, your husband wants you to enjoy what you are doing. That being said, if porn has skewed your idea of oral sex, I would ask your husband for his truth about what oral sex means to him. Maybe I need to write an article on why wives love giving their husband oral sex, to help others understand just how intimate in can be.

      • Oh I know my husband would think its sexy to finish in my mouth or face as he asks me to but it is not a turn on for me and it is not somethig I enjoy or think its romantic.

        • I think that a lot of husbands would say that finishing in your mouth is not just about something being sexy, but it makes them feel completely loved and accepted. I am not trying to convince you to change your ideas, just encouraging open communication and understanding. Like I said, if you don’t enjoy it, then don’t do it.

  24. Porn has skewed what happens in the bedroom. Just because it’s done in porn doesn’t make it wrong for a couple to do. If that is our thinking then kissing and piv would not be happening either. Oral sex is such a loving act between a married couple.

      • I am thankful that my husband and I have not had to deal with the way that porn has distorted sex. There is nothing that is gross about loving each other through oral sex – even letting a husband finish in your mouth. I pray that God would erase images and help us start with a clean slate.