Most men love to receive oral sex, but many wives struggle to enjoy giving it. A penis can feel scary and foreign up close. Oral sex can also feel dirty because of past experiences or messages we’ve received. Though we are all very different, I would challenge you that oral sex can be a very intimate way to know a husband. It takes great trust and you can learn new things while focusing just on his pleasure.
But ultimately, if you don’t want to do it, you probably shouldn’t. No one should ever feel forced, coerced or guilted into doing something sexually. But if you want to learn to enjoy giving oral sex, I have a few suggestions for you.
Ask for What You Need
If cleanliness, smells, or germs are a factor, then ask him to shower first. Make it clear that you want to relax and enjoy giving, but him showering is necessary. If you get tired of fishing hair out of your mouth, then buy him a hair clipper and show him how nice a little grooming can look. If his fluids taste strong, suggest changes to his diet. Coffee, red meat, and strong vegetables like broccoli can impact his taste. Feed him fresh fruits like strawberries, pineapple or kiwis for a sweeter taste.
Go After Healing
Many women don’t want to give oral sex to their husband because of past experiences or choices they have made. Maybe they were forced to give oral sex when they didn’t really want to. Or maybe oral sex became a way to keep a boyfriend or stay popular.
The first step to healing is recognizing what impacted you and talking to someone about it. Pray over those experiences, ask for healing, or forgiveness and for freedom. Believe that within marriage, God wants you to experience all of His gifts, regardless of your past. See a counselor if you need to. There is no sexual past that God cannot heal, but you have to go after healing.
Take the Reins
Your husband needs to understand that when you give oral sex, in order to feel safe, you need to feel in control. You get to choose how deep you go, how long you do something, or whether you swallow. He gets to lay back, relax and thankfully receive what you have to offer.
Use Coconut Oil
A little coconut oil makes everything move just a little smoother. Warm him up by sensuously rubbing oil around his thighs, testicles and penis. Take your time and watch how his penis respond to lighter open touches, playful touches, or full luxurious strokes. Play with his testicles for a bit. Transition from hand, to mouth, to hand with mouth or whatever you want. Get closer and run your cheek up his shaft, or brush your lips on his head.
Open Up Your Definition
Somewhere we got the idea that oral sex has to look like deep throating. But only you can decide what loving your husband with your mouth looks like. You might enjoy just kissing, breathing hot air, or gentle licks of his penis. As you get more comfortable try a wide flat tongue stroking up his shaft, or licking him like an ice-cream cone. Try holding his shaft with your hand and just put the head of his penis in your mouth. Using your tongue or cheeks, you can explore him and create amazing sensation. As you relax, you might want more of him, or you might not. You get to decide when and what. Once you feel more comfortable you can read more ideas.
Create Baby Steps of Positive Experiences
Don’t force yourself to do something that makes you uncomfortable. If you gag every time you take him in, then stop. Find something that you love doing, and do it. Then when you get comfortable with that, just take a small step and try something new. Build on positive experiences and create an expectation of enjoyment, not dread.
Your husband cares as much about your enjoyment as his. When you love what you are doing, and show your enjoyment, he will love it. When you get turned on by giving to him, then you will turn him on.
Discuss Options for Finishing
Letting your husband finish in your mouth makes them feel like you love every part of them. But let’s be honest, most women don’t start at that point.
You need to gently be honest about his options for finishing. Some couples have a signal when he is close, so the wife can finish him with her hands. Other couples just use oral sex as foreplay. Some women are ok with him finishing in her mouth but afterward she gently spits his cum into a rag. You need to talk about what works for you and come up with a plan so that you enjoy the experience without worrying about the finish. Oral sex can be wonderful, regardless of whether he finishes in your mouth or not.
Sometimes oral sex is an acquired taste that takes time, gentleness and patience. Forcing someone to eat their peas never made them like peas. In fact, it probably made them hate peas and resent their parents. Our husband wants us to love what we do during sex, so take off the pressure, start talking, and challenge yourself to take baby steps of growth. Happy exploring.