Learning to Like Giving Your Husband Oral Sex

Most men love to receive oral sex, but many wives struggle to enjoy giving it. A penis can feel scary and foreign up close. Oral sex can also feel dirty because of past experiences or messages we’ve received. Though we are all very different, I would challenge you that oral sex can be a very intimate way to know a husband. It takes great trust and you can learn new things while focusing just on his pleasure.

But ultimately, if you don’t want to do it, you probably shouldn’t. No one should ever feel forced, coerced or guilted into doing something sexually. But if you want to learn to enjoy giving oral sex, I have a few suggestions for you.

Ask for What You Need

If cleanliness, smells, or germs are a factor, then ask him to shower first. Make it clear that you want to relax and enjoy giving, but him showering is necessary. If you get tired of fishing hair out of your mouth, then buy him a hair clipper and show him how nice a little grooming can look. If his fluids taste strong, suggest changes to his diet. Coffee, red meat, and strong vegetables like broccoli can impact his taste. Feed him fresh fruits like strawberries, pineapple or kiwis for a sweeter taste.

Go After Healing

Many women don’t want to give oral sex to their husband because of past experiences or choices they have made. Maybe they were forced to give oral sex when they didn’t really want to. Or maybe oral sex became a way to keep a boyfriend or stay popular.

The first step to healing is recognizing what impacted you and talking to someone about it. Pray over those experiences, ask for healing, or forgiveness and for freedom. Believe that within marriage, God wants you to experience all of His gifts, regardless of your past. See a counselor if you need to. There is no sexual past that God cannot heal, but you have to go after healing.

Take the Reins

Your husband needs to understand that when you give oral sex, in order to feel safe, you need to feel in control. You get to choose how deep you go, how long you do something, or whether you swallow. He gets to lay back, relax and thankfully receive what you have to offer.

Use Coconut Oil

A little coconut oil makes everything move just a little smoother. Warm him up by sensuously rubbing oil around his thighs, testicles and penis. Take your time and watch how his penis respond to lighter open touches, playful touches, or full luxurious strokes. Play with his testicles for a bit. Transition from hand, to mouth, to hand with mouth or whatever you want. Get closer and run your cheek up his shaft, or brush your lips on his head.

Open Up Your Definition

Somewhere we got the idea that oral sex has to look like deep throating. But only you can decide what loving your husband with your mouth looks like. You might enjoy just kissing, breathing hot air, or gentle licks of his penis. As you get more comfortable try a wide flat tongue stroking up his shaft, or licking him like an ice-cream cone. Try holding his shaft with your hand and just put the head of his penis in your mouth. Using your tongue or cheeks, you can explore him and create amazing sensation. As you relax, you might want more of him, or you might not. You get to decide when and what. Once you feel more comfortable you can read more ideas. 

Create Baby Steps of Positive Experiences

Don’t force yourself to do something that makes you uncomfortable. If you gag every time you take him in, then stop. Find something that you love doing, and do it. Then when you get comfortable with that, just take a small step and try something new. Build on positive experiences and create an expectation of enjoyment, not dread.

Your husband cares as much about your enjoyment as his. When you love what you are doing, and show your enjoyment, he will love it. When you get turned on by giving to him, then you will turn him on.

Discuss Options for Finishing

Letting your husband finish in your mouth makes them feel like you love every part of them. But let’s be honest, most women don’t start at that point.

You need to gently be honest about his options for finishing. Some couples have a signal when he is close, so the wife can finish him with her hands. Other couples just use oral sex as foreplay. Some women are ok with him finishing in her mouth but afterward she gently spits his cum into a rag. You need to talk about what works for you and come up with a plan so that you enjoy the experience without worrying about the finish. Oral sex can be wonderful, regardless of whether he finishes in your mouth or not.

Final Thoughts

Sometimes oral sex is an acquired taste that takes time, gentleness and patience. Forcing someone to eat their peas never made them like peas. In fact, it probably made them hate peas and resent their parents. Our husband wants us to love what we do during sex, so take off the pressure, start talking, and challenge yourself to take baby steps of growth. Happy exploring.

Comments 17

  1. Thank you Ruth for this wonderful article.
    For me it has defiantly been a journey of small steps. It took my husband some coaxing to get me to even discuss oral sex. I finally did do some research on my own and found good information in various marriage blogs. Having that first discussion out side of our bed room about oral sex was very good for both of us. I found out what he was expecting from os.. Trying to get all of him in my mouth was not even brought up (so glad). Just doing kisses and licks was a great way to start. I am still working on doing more though. Just one step at a time. It has been a great way for me to take a more active role in our love making to. I do enjoy it.

    I am also working on getting more comfortable about receiving os.
    Does anyone else have that issue?

    • Thanks for sharing your experience to encourage others.
      I think many women struggle to enjoy receiving Oral Sex. If nothing else, we have a hard time just shutting down our brain so that we can just receive.

  2. This is the most warm, positive article on oral sex I’ve read. You even make it sound enjoyable. Good job!
    And I’ll be bookmarking this page. I’ve been looking for some help getting past the routine only and getting some feeling into the act without making myself sick. I think you’ve got it right here! Thank you for sharing your perspective with us.

  3. Dear Ruth

    Very nice piece. Hopefully reassuring and encouraging counsel. I am a man (and a husband) so if I may here are a few comments from that perspective.

    I can’t help thinking that the attraction of “Deep Throat”-style oral sex is mostly in the visuals, and especially mostly from pornography. The most sensitive parts of the penis are around the tip, and the most “dextrous” (I can’t think of a better word) parts of a mouth are the lips and the tongue’s tip and blade. IME interaction of those parts makes for exciting sensations, and not so much the woman (a) stuffing as much in as she can or (b) pretending her mouth is something else.

    Your point about diet and personal hygiene is good. I wonder if a man might (subconsciously perhaps) notice and change behaviour if he gets more attention Down There after he’s has a shower or eaten his greens.

    It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. In fact I find it a bit of a turn-off if the woman goes down and stays down till it’s all over. Much nicer if it’s part of a kind of tour of the body (and that’s often how I enjoy my wife’s body and give her oral sex). I think even the term “oral sex” separates it off too much from general lovemaking.

    It does feel fantastic and you are right about the woman being in control. Female friends have told me similar — that they feel very much in control of the man and how he is feeling.

    Sorry if I’ve overstepped the mark!

    David

  4. I have been married for 23 years, we talked about this before marriage and she said she looked forward to receiving and giving after marriage. But she has never once tried it or attempted it. Early in our marriage l meantioned it and got several negative reactions so in the last 20 years l have never asked again. So l honestly dont know what l am missing, but everytime l read a blog about this I get very curious and wonder what it feels like. I have givin to her many times and l truly enjoy giving it and she enjoyed receiving, but in the last 7years, since our last child was born l havn’t tried it. She dont want to talk about sex or our marriage bed. I just keep praying for her and maybe the Lord will give her awaking love for marriage.Thank you for your blog, it’s been and encouragement to me and has help me to continue to Pray and Love her.

  5. For the ladies who want to learn how to both give and receive OS I highly reccomend taking an Awaken Love class. This part of love making shifted greatly for me (my husband was always on board) and completely changed my attitude about it. As with anything, practice makes perfect, so even allowing him to be down there for 2 minute at a time is a great way to start. I think that also until you learn to truly love giving OS it’s hard to enjoy receiving it because of the thoughts we have running through our heads. Before I didn’t enjoy giving it so I assumed he felt the same way when preforming OS on me. Now that I enjoy giving I also enjoy receiving. Perhaps that’s just my experience. Blessings!

  6. First of all, thank you for boldly and bravely talking about this issue – as it’s a topic for many and there is no way around it except to be direct and open in a respectful way.

    A few tips I’ve found work in my marriage:

    1. Don’t just “bob” all day. My husband says that’s overrated. Go to the right depth and suck and suck intently, like a straw..

    2. Positioning matters. I like being on my knees, so does he. There are other options. Do what works or experiment.

    3. Finishing. We do like not just making it foreplay to something else but making oral sex the item – or, at least, round 1! For me, finishing is important as it’s what I enjoy the most out of it, personally – going back to your article about being selfish! Agree that talking about the “how” is very important.

  7. Position 69 is always a great choice to satisfy both husband and wife. How great it is for the wife to take it all in her mouth while the husband a very visual creature watches. It is always just as sexy for the husband to devour his wife’s cum.

    • 69 can be a great position for mutual enjoyment, but it does have some challenges for the wife. Being fully exposed on all 4 can feel super vulnerable for her. Plus the position is not very relaxing for the wife, while the husband lays on his back. It is not a place that I would suggest wives to start as they are trying to gain confidence and get comfortable.

        • I am not against the 69 position, but the original comment was posted on an article about a wife learning to give oral sex. In that situation, I don’t think it is the best position. Men tend to think it is much hotter than women -at least for the less experienced.
          As far at the reverse 69, again I am not against the position, but there is no way that this is a good position for a women learning to like oral sex. She will feel totally out of control with him on top of her.

  8. Thanks Ruth for addressing this topic in a thoughtful and sensitive manner. Many wives do struggle with giving oral sex to their husband. I think the advice that is best in practice is to work at making small steps with it. Husbands need to be understanding and patient and not expect their wife to be able to go 100 percent all-out the first several times she gives oral sex. In time, most wives find that they are able to do more both comfortably and confidently.

    A suggestion for wives is to give it a try and not automatically say no to it. Often times, a person’s fears or anxieties are found with experience to be groundless and can be let go of. Consciously working at cultivating a positive mental attitude towards oral sex can help a wife be more relaxed when she actually gives it to her husband. The most frustrating thing for a husband who desires to receive oral sex is when his wife will not even give it a fair try. Be aware that enthusiasm is so much more important than technique when giving it. Find out what works best for both of you. I think most husbands sincerely desire that their wife enjoys the experience.

  9. How how so true with the wife having enthusiasm towards anything sexually! I couldn’t agree more! Enthusiasm and a positive attitude than not wanting to try things or just going through the motions is not satisfying to the husband and he will feel unfulfilled and less desired. Enthusiasm and great attitude is everything! Thanks for sharing!

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