A few weeks ago, I had a molar pulled that had bothered me for years. The recovery of an implant has been slow. With activities like kissing eliminated, my husband and are learning to adapt. Rubbing noses and burrowing into each other’s necks have helped us stay connected during sex. Rather than avoid sex we are learning new things, and grateful for what we have – not unlike a friend of mine.
I will never forget the night that Stacy showed up in class. With eyes that sparkled, and a smile that lit up the room, she rolled into class on her scooter. Years of a physical disability might have limited her mobility but God filled her soul with a passion for living that made me just want to hang out and learn from her.
After reconnecting with her at my book signing party, I asked if she would share a few thoughts to help others challenged by a physical limitation. What follows are her words.
I have lived with a progressive physical disability for over twenty-five years. Needless to say, managing life while being handicapped does present some interesting challenges! Many times, I laugh at how my functioning is so radically different than the “average, fully capable” person. Nonetheless, as with everything, it’s all in the attitude. I choose to intentionally stay positive and have a hopeful outlook on life.
In many ways, creating intimacy in the bedroom is no different for me than it is for any other woman. Of course, there are different sexual positions I simply won’t attempt because I know my body would not tolerate the flexible movement or it’s just simply impossible to get in [whatever] position. Yet, I see things from an if-I-can’t-do-X, how creative can I be in discovering what I can do? I don’t see myself backed into a corner because of the disability, rather I just need to turn around and look at the hundreds of things I CAN do, and be grateful through it all.
God made skin as our largest organ and this in itself offers plenty of opportunities & room for exploration. It doesn’t matter if my one appendage doesn’t move because I have three others that will! I have my whole body to offer my husband for his delight & enjoyment even if it’s not a “normal” body.
Without a doubt, the Awaken Love book and class has broadened my view on sex. In time, my spouse and I are working through the different ideas/suggestions in the book which are drawing us closer as a couple. When my husband was hospitalized recently, I yearned for his presence-generally in the home, but especially in the bedroom. We don’t always know what curve balls life will throw our way, but we do know physical connection in the bedroom aides everything!
Sex brings life to another dimension; It’s a place that transcends words, a place that brings restoration & reconciliation. It fills a void we didn’t know existed. Sometimes there are emotionally empty places in us that only our husband & the Lord can fill. Other times we need our husbands to hold us and carry us through the difficult seasons. Sometimes living with a disability is a lifelong, difficult season, and one of the best things that happens is during our most intimate moments in the bedroom.
If I were to sum up what makes SEX possible with a disability,
- Stay Positive
- Love more
- Be daring
- Live outside your box and
- Be Grateful