Many wives struggle in receiving oral sex. Some think oral sex is completely wrong and don’t want their husband to try. Others don’t have a moral objection, but just can’t seem to relax. If you aren’t sure, find out what the Bible says. Pay attention to the context of passages about sexual immorality and you will find little written about limitations within marriage. Read Song of Song and get a taste for the freedom they experience. For women with an open mind, I have some tips to help wives enjoy receiving oral sex.
Learning to Receive
Learning to receive does not come naturally to many women. Yet most of our husbands have no problem laying back and letting us serve them. Maybe it’s just so ingrained that women should always be doing something. Or maybe it feels too scary or vulnerable to let go of control and just receive. Either way, learning to receive is important not just for our marriage bed, but for our faith.
God does not call us just to serve but to receive. One of the hardest things we do is to humble ourselves and ask for help. To cry out to God and say, “help me. I can’t do this anymore!” To ask friends to pray for us, help with a meal, or mentor us in our marriage. It takes humility, letting go of control, and an attitude of “I am worth it”. If we don’t deem ourselves worthy, then we have a hard time letting others love us. When you understand that you are His beloved, a dearly loved child of the King of Kings, then you can stop striving to measure up and find a healthy balance of both giving and receiving.
Practice learning to receive in small ways. Accept the compliments of others with a simple thank you. Ask for help from a friend when you need it. Ask your husband to give you a back rub without feeling guilty. Learning to receive is the first step to enjoying oral sex. Make your husband’s day by letting him give you an amazing gift.
Take Care of the Practicalities
Many women spend the entire time during oral sex worrying, “Do I taste bad? Do I smell bad? Is he getting a crick in his neck? Am I taking too long?” Instead of worrying, take care of things so that you feel confident.
Shower beforehand, and do a little grooming by trimming, shaving or waxing. Put a pillow under your bottom to raise yourself up to make him more comfortable. But most importantly, ask him.
Many husbands love the unique odor and taste of their wife’s body. If he doesn’t, then work towards solutions. You could adjust what you eat or drink. Just like diet can affect our husbands taste it can affect yours. Things like coffee, smoking, and antibiotics can have a negative effect. Citrus fruits, pineapple, vegetables and sweet potatoes have a positive effect. You could use coconut oil as a lubricant to enhance the smell and taste or try a flavored lube. You could even use a barrier like a dental dam. Talk about it, work towards a solution and then stop worrying.
Our mindset plays a huge role in how much we allow ourselves to enjoy oral sex. If you think oral sex is dirty or disgusting, your husband could do every thing right and you still wouldn’t enjoy it. If you think intercourse is “the right way” to have sex, you may limit the pleasure that you can enjoy during oral stimulation.
Conversely, when you understand how much your husband enjoys giving to you and how well he reads and knows your body through oral sex, then it thrills you every time he discovers something new. When you expect that he is going to take you on an amazing ride then your body readily joins in. When you can revel in the freedom that God gives you, then you freely receive all of His gifts.
If your past or your spouses past impacts how you feel about receiving oral sex then you need to deal with those things. Think about what has formed your ideas about oral sex? Did someone force or coerce you to do it? Was it something you enjoyed outside the boundaries of marriage? Did someone tell you oral sex is what “those” girls do? Ask God to reveal His truth to you. With your husband or a close friend pray about specific situations and ask for what you want. Then take small steps to start living out your new freedom.
Compared to face to face intercourse, a husband can feel like he is a million miles away when they pleasure us with oral sex. My old self would have just laid down the covers and disconnected. Relaxing in my own world, my mind would take us to a deserted beach to create the excitement I needed. Though the end result felt awesome, it also felt lonely.
We can choose to stay connected even during oral sex. Rather than let the covers fall, we can hold them over our head to enjoy the view. Our husband can learn to hold us with their arms to create more contact points then just mouth to vulva. While leaning on their elbows they can wrap their arms around us to stroke our body or breasts. Gently running our hands through their hair can communicate our pleasure. Talking, or even moans can help us tune into each other. Make a conscious effort to stay connected rather than disconnect during oral sex.
Just because your husband wants to give you oral sex does not mean he knows anything about what will feel good to you. One of the biggest mistake’s men make is simply to move too much and too fast. It just feels like a blur of motion. One of the most important concepts a man can learn is the power of stillness. To envelope us with a flat full tongue until our body begins to awaken. Then to slowly gives us a taste of what’s to come.
You need to help your husband understand what you want. If you aren’t sure, read a couple of my articles or Ian Kerner’s book She Comes First. If something sounds good, then read it with your husband. Talk through ideas and share what you would love. Help your husband be the amazing lover that he wants to be. Don’t leave him looking for a needle in a haystack.
Sex really is supposed to be a shared experience. Showing, moving like we want to, and asking for what we want are all part of letting ourselves be known. If you want to really enjoy oral sex than have the confidence to express yourself. Let your body move like it wants to against his tongue. Grab his hands and bring them to your breasts when you are ready. If you need lighter pressure, gently push his forehead away. When you want his finger on your G-Spot ask for it. Take things up a notch and express yourself.
Trust His Intentions
Some wives think their husbands just wants to give them oral sex because they have seen it in porn. To be honest, I don’t know your husband, only you know if he is just trying to recreate what he has seen. Just because he has seen oral sex in porn, does not mean that it can’t be an amazing way for the two of you to get to know each other.
Most husbands can feel much better through their mouths than their hands. The coarseness of their skin makes it seem a little like touching us through gloves. All they want to do is to get as close to us as is humanly possible.
Close and upfront, husbands can tune into the changes in their wives bodies during arousal. They can learn when to tease, ramp up stimulation, step on the gas or gently coax out her last bit of tension. When we enjoy oral sex, we not only create intimate connection, but we add to our husbands playbook for giving us pleasure – one of our husband’s greatest thrills.
Most husbands that enjoy giving their wife oral sex, think their wife’s body is absolutely amazing. When wives can relax and just receive then they can enter into the eroticism of oral sex. Learn to communicate, stay connected and express yourself and your husband will learn to know you in one of the most intimate ways.