I recently heard an interview on Sexy Marriage Radio about a woman whose story sounded similar to mine. A married engineer that spent years devaluing sex in marriage knew something needed change. While looking for answers, she discovered how much just talking to other women about sex encouraged her. This wife has since quit her job and devoted herself to helping women embrace their sexuality. Though on the surface our stories have an uncanny resemblance, our lives and mission differ drastically. God defines who I am, and what I do – not my sexuality.
As I read her blog from the beginning, I related to many of her posts as her sexuality began to awaken. She wrote about learning to breathe until she felt it all the way “down there”. Rather than letting life pass by, she slowed down to savor small things like tasting the juiciness of a ripe strawberry. Communication opened up in her marriage, she realized lies about sex that impacted her, and she sought to understand her body. She even started a monthly meeting with 4 friends to help process how their past impacted their present and to spur each other on in growth. But what this woman did not have was God’s good boundaries to guide and protect her as she embraced her sexuality.
Sex is powerful. Tastes of freedom can feel like standing up in a convertible with our arms open wide, the wind in our hair and rejoicing at the top of our lungs. It feels so good, to finally be known, to not fear, that we go chasing after more.
In Song of Songs 5:1 God says, Eat, friends, and drink; drink your fill of love.
God doesn’t want us to hold back, but to freely enjoy our love together in marriage.
But what happen when we lose sight of God?
What happens when sexuality becomes our God?
On my journey to embrace my sexuality, I have had crossroads where I had to choose God, and trust His boundaries of one man and one woman. I have to constantly resist the urge to look where my eyes should not go, in the name of education. Rather than allow an open discussion on the blog that gradually grows more explicit and tantalizing, I have to heavily moderate comments. When my body doesn’t cooperate like I hope it does or I feel bored, I have to resist the temptation to bend the rules to create a little more excitement. I constantly guard my sexual thoughts and if something lands outside of God’s boundaries, then I to chose to stop dwelling on it, and refocus my attention on my husband. I must trust God, not my sexuality.
Don’t fall for chasing after the greatest orgasm by ignoring boundaries to get an adrenaline rush. Seek greater intimacy through vulnerability, honesty and spiritual connection with your spouse. Instead of proclaiming if “I feel it, then it must be okay”, seek to glorify God with your body, sexual intimacy in marriage, and everything that you do. God is God, and we are not.
What started out as a beautiful story of this woman embracing her sexuality has resulted in her decision to have an open marriage and embrace bisexuality. It both makes me sad and it makes me pause. Because without God, that might have been me… Without God’s boundaries, she has chased after whatever feels good, fuels her mind with excitement, and provides the next adrenaline rush. She has opened herself up to anyone’s ideas about sex without a way to measure truth. God’s good gift of sex to create intimacy in marriage has been discarded and may lead to a never-ending path to pain and destruction.
On your journey of sexual discovery and freedom, I urge you to constantly ask yourself, “
- Do I trust God with my sexuality?
- Am I bending God’s boundaries in the name of more sexual fulfillment?
- Can I imagine God smiling over us as we connect sexually?
Filter advice or information about sex through God’s truth. Pray and involve Him in your daily decisions and choices about sex. Embrace the freedom that He wants for you. Guard His design of one man and one woman -with your eyes, what you read, your thoughts, and activities. Don’t talk about sex in a way that will tantalize others or allow them to picture your marriage bed. Value intimacy and connection more than the largest orgasm.
Worship God, not His creation of sex.