When we think about talking to our kids about sex, we worry about fielding the embarrassing questions our kids might ask. Questions like, “How are babies made?” or “What is a blowjob?” But what if our kids never ask questions about sex? What if they’ve already picked up on how uncomfortable the topic makes us. Or maybe the world is already providing plenty of answers. Do you really want to leave your kids education about hard topic like sex, masturbation, pornography or LGBTQ to someone else? What truths do you want to communicate?
While speaking to our MOPS group about Talking to Your Kids About Sex, I decided to open up conversation. Why give a bunch of tips on how to talk to your kids, when we haven’t even spent time thinking about what we want to say. If we don’t know what we believe, how will we ever communicate to our kids. Though we don’t know all the answers, if we are Christians, then we know the source of truth. In a quickly changing world that feels confusing, chaotic, and has distorted sex, what truths do you want to communicate to your kids?
Though these topics might feel scary, or confusing because of our own brokenness, we need to hang onto to God’s goodness. Even though we may not have all the answers for navigating our world, God does.
Take a moment right now and write 4 headings – Sex, Masturbation, Porn and LGBTQ – on a piece of paper. Spend at least 15 minutes writing at least 5 things that you want to communicate to your kids about each topic. Have your spouse do the same and begin discussing them.
I hope you found the exercise helpful to cement important concepts that you want to communicate. When I made my own list, it did not take long to start writing.
- A beautiful gift from God for marriage
- A powerful force to unite marriage
- Takes work to create an intimate sex life for the life of a marriage
- Outside of marriage it creates destruction
- To understand their bodies and how sex works
- God cares about your sexuality – even brokenness
- To understand sex can be more than intercourse
- To know the freedom God gives in marriage
- Don’t be afraid to ask any question and I will give you an honest answer.
- God created your body amazing, capable of immense pleasure
- The bible does not specifically talk about masturbation
- Don’t lust – with your eyes, your minds or by reading
- Both boys and girls sometimes masturbate
- Doesn’t have to be sinful
- If you are ashamed or hiding, then there is an issue
- Be careful – you don’t want it to control you
- Discern with God – if it is beneficial
- It distorts a beautiful thing – sex
- Will not help you have great sex – will make it harder
- Degrading to women and men
- Normal to feel excited, – Satan is taking a God given desire and distorting it.
- Both boys and girls can struggle with porn
- You can talk to me if you struggle or see something.
- This is hard for me because I did not grow up around this.
- I want to get better at not being afraid of those that are different from me
- God wants us to love everyone – even those different from us
- God created marriage as one man and woman
- My sin is no better or worse – hidden sin is no better than seen sin
- We can love others and hang onto God’s truth
Your answers may not be the same as mine, and that’s okay. The goal is to figure out what you want to say about these topics and to look for opportunities to interject your truth. Rather than just react, proactively instill God’s truth.
At MOPS, women were eager to share about these topics. In a safe place free of judgement we wrestled together. We didn’t have to agree on everything or come up with a perfect formula for raising our kids. We needed to start talking among God’s people and seek God’s truths.
Many of these truths have little to do with the mechanics or specific acts of sex. Instead of worrying about the Birds and the Bees, maybe we need to embrace opportunities to communicate important truths about God.
Don’t wait for your kids to ask a question about hard topics like sex or porn. Be proactive, create a safe place for your kids to be honest, speak truth, and love them like Christ.
This begins a series to help equip parents to talk to their kids about some of these hard issues regardless of their age.