Many men gauge their sexual prowess by how long they last during intercourse. The truth is that lasting longer does not necessarily guarantee satisfaction of their wife. They might last for hours and she still might not orgasm during intercourse. But regardless of whether a man is able to give his wife an orgasm during intercourse, better ejaculatory control will help him stop worrying so that he can actually connect sex. I want to share three specific powerful ideas that will empower men to trust their bodies, let go of worrying, connect more with their wife and last longer.
Learn to Relax Your Pelvic Muscles
Imagine blowing up a balloon as tight as you can. Just one little prick and it explodes. But if you blow up the balloon with just enough air to maintain a nice round shape, then the balloon becomes much more resilient, and less reactive.
Men’s bodies react similar to a balloon. Without even realizing it, most men carry an enormous amount of tension in their pelvic and Kegel muscles. Already tight and primed to blow, it does not take much to orgasm.
One the most important reasons to do Kegel exercises is to learn how to relax your Kegel muscles. When doing reps focus on the relaxation as much as the contraction. If you contract for 3 seconds, then relax for 5 seconds. Breathe out as you relax and picture your Kegel muscles breathing out and down to fully relax them.
During sex, ask your wife to spend time gently massaging your inner thighs, and perineum to help you relax. Using coconut oil and connected movements she can massage the area to loosen it up.
During foreplay or intercourse, focus on consciously relaxing your Kegel muscles. If you feel yourself getting tight, then pause and breath deeply to release the tension. You don’t need to tense to maintain your erection. With your pelvis relaxed, blood flow increases and your body will function at its best.
Train Your Body and Gain Trust
Men that don’t last as long as they want, tend to avoid foreplay in hopes of lasting longer during the main event – intercourse. The more they avoid foreplay, the more they train their body to handle less and less stimulation. Pretty soon it doesn’t take much stimulation for them to finish.
Rather than training their body to handle less stimulation, they need to focus on learning to handle more and more stimulation. To essentially train their body to feel more without the need for release.
Using a scale of 1 – 10, stimulate the penis until highly aroused, about a level 9. Decrease stimulation until arousal level drops significantly to about a 3 or 4. Repeat this exercise several times in a row for at least 20 minutes. Do this once a week for a few weeks until you can recognize the arousal levels, and last as long as you want.
Have your wife join in the fun, and challenge her to see how long she can get you to last using manual or oral stimulation. Help her learn your arousal levels to know when to back off or ramp things up.
Through training exercises like these, men not only learn to handle more stimulation, but they learn to trust their body. Arousal does not have to happen in a straight line of more and more arousal. They can ramp up, cool way back down and ramp back up again without letting worry ruin the day. Tuning into their body will also help men recognize when they need to slow down, or take a deep breath and relax. Spend time training your body, and learn to trust it.
Decrease Pressure to Eliminate Anxiety
If you can last 20 minutes during manual or oral stimulation, but you can’t last 5 minutes during intercourse, then most likely anxiety is playing a role. Anxiety is the enemy of sex. Worrying about an erection causes men to lose an erection. Wondering if you will have an orgasm makes orgasm less likely. And worrying about whether you will last long enough during intercourse will cause you to ejaculate. If you want to last longer during intercourse, then you must eliminate anxiety by removing the pressure.
Viewing porn and lack of education has left men thinking that constant deep thrusting will satisfy a woman. Most women desire something completely different. If you have not read my series on orgasm during intercourse, then I suggest that you start there. Focus on connection during intercourse by slowing down, tuning into her body, and learning the movements that feel good to her. Don’t think if you just last long enough, orgasm will happen, because it might not. But you don’t have to feel like a failure or leave her hanging. Come up with a plan B to help her finish even if you ejaculate. You are not a failure and sex does not have to be over just because you finished.
God designed sex as a powerful way to connect. If you spend all of your time trying not to feel too much or thinking about grandma so that you will last longer, then are you even there? Increase your ejaculatory control so that you can focus on connecting during sex and stop worrying. Learn how to relax your Kegel muscles by doing Kegel exercises. Learn to consciously release the tension and relax. Train your body to handle more stimulation. Recognize your own arousal levels and start trusting your body. Eliminate anxiety by learning what really works for your wife. Have the courage to help her finish even if you finish first. Trust your body more and connect during sex.