Just like God designed men to get excited by looking at a woman’s body , He designed women to get aroused through words. Women can read a romance novel with a juicy scene and suddenly we can’t wait for sex. It is similar to how God designed men’s eyes to arouse them. But just like men need to reserve their eyes to feast on their wives, we need to reserve our words for the marriage bed. In fact, we need to cultivate the use of words in our marriage bed. Instead of escaping into a book when our own sex life becomes stale, we must learn use the power of words to create the sex life we want.
Words have been a huge area of growth for my husband and me. We have gone from literally not saying a word during sex to freely expressing our needs and our delights. I am so thankful that my husband took my needs seriously. He could have minimized my desires, thinking words can’t be that big a deal. Or he could have used excuses like, that not who I am, or it is too hard. Men, it takes courage for your wife to visually share her body with you. It will take courage for you to learn how to create excitement using your words. But trust me, learning to use your words is a powerful way to make your sex life mutually enjoyable.
I have had nights when I literally told Jim, “I need your words more than your touch.” With my mind in so many different places, I knew Jim’s words could engage and excite me for sex much faster than his touch. Don’t discount the power of words.
Realizing the Power
I remember the first time I realized just how much power words held. My husband was on a business trip for 2 weeks and I was determined to push the boundaries to connect while separated. While lying in bed with my laptop early in the morning I could feel the silky sheets against my skin and missed my husband terribly. So, as I lay there visiting with my husband I began to type using the instant messaging system on Skype,
“like what you see?”
After a bit of confusion, he replied, “uh, yeah”.
“want to see more?”, I teased.
I could see his eyes light up as he gathered his response.
“Tell me what you want…”
As we typed back and forth, we didn’t yet have the courage to speak the words out loud, but we knew there was something more for us to learn. Instant messaging began our journey of tapping into the power of words.
The need to incorporate words in my marriage bed was driven by my desire and not my husband’s. Rather than nagging him or voicing my disappointment, I created games and scenarios to reinforce how powerful and fun words could be. If you need ideas then check out my article on Using Our Words During Sex, or Using Words to Fuel Passion.
Our sex life has thrived because Jim was willing to stretch and grow, and he has witnessed the change words have made both for me and for him. The twinkle in my husband’s eyes bears witness to his enjoyment of our words.
Sometimes, more than touch, I need my husband to take me someplace using his words. Words can turn vanilla sex into steaming hot sex, even though we are in the same bed, wearing the same outfit and doing the same things. Words can transport me in a way that touch cannot. They communicate a presence and a connection beyond the physical that integrates your mind and soul.
How have you discovered the power of words?