When I read The Bible, I constantly filter everything through the ministry that I do with Awaken Love. Though I know the bible exists to help us know God, it also holds many truths for living out our faith and our calling. In Matthew 13, Jesus tells the parable of the farmer that scattered the seed. Jesus is helping the disciples learn that not everything is in their control when they tell others about Jesus. Some will receive Him, and some won’t, depending on the kind of soil. I find the parable helpful as I follow my calling of helping others embrace God’s truth about sex. Some soil is hard, some is rocky, some is filled with thorns and some soil is fertile. All I am responsible for is speaking God’s truth.
Some seed falls on hard soil, like a footpath walked on over and over. The beaten down surface cannot even absorb water without much back breaking labor. So, the seed never sprouts.
Wounded people covered with walls of protection cannot hear the truth about sex. They have shut themselves off, lest they face their past. Receiving the truth about sex will require them to chip away at hardened hearts to expose painful memories. They might have to turn their lives upside down and experience pain, grief, or regrets. Allowing themselves to feel will cause much pain, but will also create much joy and real intimacy.
Some seed falls on shallow soil. Though the top is fertile, underneath is covered with rocks. The seed quickly sprouts, but without deep roots, a little dry weather causes the young sprouts to wither and die.
Many women quickly embrace God’s truth about sex. Initially filled with excitement, they can’t wait for things to change. But creating intimacy requires vulnerability, honesty, courage and persistence. Embracing God’s truth about sex will require that we remove the rocks – the lies that we believe, the baggage that impacts us, and the patterns that have formed. We must not only understand God’s truth but takes steps of action to change our reality. If we want to create intimacy then we must let our spouse know all of us, and have the courage to know them – even their brokenness. If they don’t let their belief run deep, a little adversity will quickly cause them to just give up and stop trying.
Some seed fell among the thorns and weeds. Though the seed quickly sprouted and grew, with time the weeds choked it out.
Some women not only embrace God’s truth about sex, but start putting things into action. Excited by the new growth they try new things, start communicating with their husband, and experience a new level of intimacy. But when the newness has worn off, life creeps back in – phones, computers, kids, ministry, work. Without the reminders of class, they stop planning new things or even finding the time to connect on a regular basis. Worries begin to seep in and they wonder if they really did receive healing from their past. Maybe they just weren’t made to enjoy sex. Maybe sex is not that big a deal.
Some seeds fell on fertile soil and grew tall and strong. They even produced new seeds – 30, 60 or even 100 times what was originally planted.
Some women embrace God’s truth about sex and grow deep roots. Even when they face challenges, they fight for their sex life and don’t give up. They keep learning about their spouse and exposing more of themselves. Working on their sex life improves other areas of their marriage too – communication, emotional intimacy, and feeling like a team even through the struggles. They don’t hide or keep secrets from each other.
Embracing God’s design for sex not only impacts them but it impacts others. They constantly talk to their kids about sex to help them navigate culture and look forward to marriage. Friends know who to go to when they have questions about sex. Even at church they constantly look for opportunities to share the truth about sex. Working on their sex life, not only impacts them but others.
Cultivating Your Soil
I love to garden but sometime the soil is not ideal. If the surface is hard, I use a pick ax or shovel to loosen it up to let water and nutrients in. Rocks must be removed to let the roots grow deep. Pulling weeds becomes a constant battle that gets easier with persistence. I add nutrients on a regular basis to encourage growth and keep the soil loose. With hard work, courage and persistence I create a beautiful garden.
We can change our soil too. Regardless of your past experiences, you can experience healing, but it will take hard work. You will need to remove the coping mechanisms and protective walls to open your heart to the truth. Steps of actions and faith will let the truth sink in deep. You will need to guard your time together and intentionally plan dates, or even just going to be early. Make hard decisions to care for your marriage. Create fertile soil by surrounding yourself with others that value marriage and intimacy. Spend time connecting with God and get your strength from Him. God will not force us to embrace His truth but He will be with us every step of the way.
How do you tend your soil?