Look for the One Your Heart Loves

Song of Songs 3:1-5

3 All night long on my bed

    I looked for the one my heart loves;
    I looked for him but did not find him.
I will get up now and go about the city,
    through its streets and squares;
I will search for the one my heart loves.
    So I looked for him but did not find him.
The watchmen found me
    as they made their rounds in the city.
    “Have you seen the one my heart loves?”
Scarcely had I passed them
    when I found the one my heart loves.

I held him and would not let him go

   till I had brought him to my mother’s house,
    to the room of the one who conceived

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you

by the gazelles and by the does of the field:

Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires

Who is the man that your heart loves? Who is  the man that you fell head over heals in love with? Who is the man that God created your husband to be?

News Flash!!!

Our spouse is not perfect.

When we fall in love we see them through rose colored glasses. We notice and dribble over all the small ways that they love us, and if they show us any junk, we are happy to let it slide away, virtually unnoticed.

Then reality hits, and we see their grumpiness when work affects them. We grumble about their lack of planning and foresight. We silently lament their lack of leadership as we change every small decision that they make because we have a better idea. And when defensiveness hits, we immediately make it about us, rather than realizing that they bring their own insecurities into marriage.

It is time for us to “Look for the one our heart loves.” We need to put on glasses that are not rose colored glasses, but holy glasses. Glasses that will help us to see our spouse as Jesus sees them. Glasses that see his hurts and insecurities and extends compassion and grace. Glasses that will show us the man or woman that God created them to be. That can inspire and affirm them to be that person.  We need to be wives that when our spouse messes up, can say, “I know you are a better man, I’ve seen it. I know life is hard, but I forgive you and I am cheering for you.” We need to be husbands that can be compassionate when we feel insecure or afraid.

Put It Into Practice

  1. Spend some time thinking about your spouse past baggage, how they grew up, and the pressures and disappointments as a kid. Think about the pressure and responsibility they carry and extend compassion to your them this week.
  2. Spend some time thinking about the man that God created your husband to be. Picture the best in him, and realize that God wants even more for him. This week speak God’s truth over your husband in who he is in Christ.
  3. Encourage your wife in the steps of growth she is taking. Speak God’s truth over her and who she is in Christ.
  4. Affirm your husband in spiritual growth, Godly character growth or leadership growth. Look for small ways that your husband has stretched or even tried to stretch. Step back and let him lead in even small ways, with no attitude, no judging and no resentment.

Comments 3

  1. “Step back and let him lead in even small ways” somehow strikes a chord with me. I really struggle to know what I can do to bless my wife apart from back strokes which she likes. Something tells me that taking the lead and doing it with a bit of thoughtfulness might just be what she is silently looking for.
    Any thoughts ladies?

    • mm

      I love it when my husband plans something for us to do, just because he wants to. I love that instead of always asking if I would like to go to an opportunity at church, he says, “I want to go to …., would you like to come?”

      • That’s a really interesting comment, Ruth. I’ll definitely try it. It sounds like the advice Dr Doug Weiss gives. He says couples should alternate organising dates to do what they want to do each time, not what they think the spouse would enjoy. I find that quite an alien idea but I will definitely try it. Thanks again.

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