Connection Starts With a Kiss

Solomon’s Song of Songs.

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—
    for your love is more delightful than wine.

Connection starts with a kiss… her passion for him started with a kiss. Not a peck on the cheek as you leave for work, or a harried kiss as you enter into the chaos of home.  A mind-numbing connection that makes you forget all the other junk that you are dealing with. A kiss that warms and relaxes you like a smooth glass of wine.

Great kisses don’t have to take a lot of time, but they require your undivided attention. You both must take a moment to disconnect from distractions. Forget work, ignore the screaming kids, stop worrying about the sink full of dishes, just be with each other. Feel each other breathe, hear your hearts beat, and allow yourself to receive. Linger long enough to feel two become one.

Once we get married, we don’t kiss enough. Your mission this week is to kiss your spouse like you mean it. Linger a little longer, tune into them and transport them to another place. It will make a world of difference. Here are a few ideas to get you started.

Put It Into Action

  1. Have a make out session like you used to – that means clothes on, maybe in a car or on the couch. Just enjoy kissing for the sake of kissing.
  2. Make a commitment to greet each other with a 15 second kiss every day this week.
  3. Fall asleep lip to lip.


Relaunch Your Sex Life – Awaken Love

The first night of Awaken Love I asked the wives, “Why are you here?” The women shared things like, “it just feels like things have gotten stale”, “my marriage feels more like we are roommates”, or “after the kids were born, our intimacy has just taken a back seat to everything else”. Most of the women didn’t have any major issues in their marriage. They just needed a relaunch. They wanted more intimacy and fun and they knew they needed to refocus attention on their sex life. Though relaunching your sex life can feel awkward, or even scary, Valentines Day provide the perfect excuse to make some changes.

The Challenges

Just about everything gets in the way of your sex life. Whether raising babies and feeling tired, or waiting for teens to go to bed – kids create challenges. Work and stress can create so much exhaustion that you would rather veg in front of a screen. Busyness of even good things like ministry can distract you and deplete your creativity. No matter what stage of life you are in or what’s keeping you busy, creating an amazing sex life will require you to intentionally make choices that say, “our sex life matters”.

It makes me think about Song of Songs 3:15 that says, “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” If we aren’t supposed to awaken love until marriage, then maybe after we get married, we must choose to constantly awaken love. After all, just like these ladies expressed, an exciting sex life seems to just slowly whither away if not attended.

But what do you do when it feels like your sex life is already dead? How do you bring it back to life?

Sex can be a sensitive topic. Sometimes when a wife tells a husband that she wants to take Awaken Love, his first response is, “I thought we were doing ok”. Discussions about sex can automatically make a spouse feel defensive.

But desired change does not mean we are doing something wrong. It just means we have more to learn. Without change we become stagnant and we miss out on the amazing gift that God gives us.

Instead of trying to change your spouse, try focusing on yourself. Don’t go searching for all the ways that your spouse needs to change, work on yourself. Have the courage to learn something new for yourself and to put it into action. Don’t just read about ideas, but choose to take the first step and change the status quo. You don’t have to wait for your spouse. You can relaunch your sex life, and Valentine’s is the perfect time to do it.

Awaken My Soul

Song of Solomon is packed with wisdom about God’s design for intimacy. Every day from Feb 1 – Feb 14 we will dive into a few verses that will give us truth and action for our marriage. You can even print out the verses to put in a frame, on your bathroom mirror or leave by your nightstand. We want to encourage you each day to take Song of Songs to heart and put it into practice. To view the series, follow us on Facebook, Instagram.  or subscribe to the blog. We can’t wait to get started.

Get ready for the best  G I V E A W A Y  ever. I am offering a 60-minute private zoom call to the lucky winner. You can take advantage of the session for private counseling, a session with your husband, or a fun ladies night where your friends ask Ruth questions.

Let’s make this Awaken My Soul series go VIRAL as we prepare for Valentines Day. 

Help spread the word about this amazing resource to create passion and intimacy in marriages.

Here’s how to enter: ( You have the chance to enter EVERY SINGLE DAY) for the  entire 14 days we are walking through the Song of Solomon. 

    1. Like the photo on one of our social media sites.
    2. Follow our Instagram page @awakenlovestudy or Facebook @4awakenlove
    3. Share this story to your stories + tag us

For extra entries tag your friends below. One tag per comment please. Winners will be announced on Feb 15th.  Must complete all items to be eligible.

Awaken Love book

One of the easiest ways to work on your sex life is to read a great book. During our Valentine sale, you can pick up a paperback of Awaken Love for just $9.99 (30% off) or read it on Kindle of $2.99(60% off) . This book will stretch your ideas about sex, help you gain freedom, and provide respectful details to take things up a notch. Read it on your own, with a group of friends, or with your husband. Each chapter even has discussion questions, and specific Action Items to encourage growth.

Awaken Love Class

You will find no better way to change the status quo in your sex life, then by taking an Awaken Love class. Over and over I have witnessed the break through and changes when we embrace God’s design for sex. Available to both wives and husbands, the class will give you common ground to begin really talking about sex. Discussion questions allow you the opportunity to discuss sensitive topics with your spouse that will lead to freedom. The application homework will provide you the perfect excuse to change things up and learn new ways to connect. You can sign up on your own, with a friend, or challenge your spouse to take the class at the same time.

Don’t put off what you can enjoy for a life time. Relaunch your sex life today.

Share this information with your friends or church community and watch marriages change. 

Moving Forward in the New Year

It always feels challenging to get back to writing after taking a break. Over the Holidays I enjoyed time with my family, lots of great sex with my husband, some amazing dates, and lots of good food. I also worked down in the wood shop building gifts and a built-in cabinet. Though it’s hard to start writing, I know that I need to start somewhere. So how about a simple update of my life?

Past Challenges

Last year did not end on a great note with the discovery that someone had been commenting on the blog as many different personas. Hopefully I’ve learned some things to ensure comments are from real people. But I also know that I need to better guard my time. As the ministry of Awaken-Love grows, I find myself spending enormous amounts of time on tasks that have little eternal impact.  2020 will need to be a year of prioritizing, but I also want to have some fun.

Awaken My Soul

To gear up for Valentines we are doing a series called Awaken My Soul based on the Song of Songs. Every day from Feb 1- Feb 14, we will have a beautiful different printable with specific tasks to Awaken Love in your marriage. To get access just  follow us on Facebook, Instagram or twitter.

Promoting Awaken Love video classes will continue to be the priority. I believe taking a class with other people is one of the most powerful ways to break the silence surrounding sex in the church. This year over 400 women and 40 men committed to the 6-week video classes. That’s more than double the previous year. Crazy!! With personal recommendation the number 1 reason that people sign up, I expect the growth to continue. Since the very beginning, Awaken Love has spread because people like you continue to share the powerful impact of Awaken Love.

When I read my blog, sometimes I long for the simple days of having so much to say that I can’t wait to sit down and write.  My own journey or experiences from class will continue to inspire my writing, but I also have a few important older series that I will update. If you have specific topics that you would like me to address, please email or comment below. I would love to hear your questions or ideas.

Moving On

Last night I just started another Awaken Love class with 15 amazing women. Watching the light bulbs go on still amazes me. Seeing the transformation leaves me speechless. When women come ready to do the work, God moves. Alongside my regular classes, I am praying for opportunities to help churches equip more teachers in new territories.

2020 is going to be a great year. I can’t wait to see what surprises God has for Awaken Love. Welcome back and let’s have some fun.

Comments on the Blog – What the Heck

Recently I got the wind knocked out of my sails. Life is not always as it seems – especially on the internet or on the blog. Ministry has been going well with speaking engagements, Awaken Love classes, opportunities at a large church and a few podcasts. But I felt really excited about the  traffic and comments on my blog. After years of writing, engagement finally increased as I tried to write posts geared towards questions and comments on the blog.

Engagement on the Blog

With lots of comments from wives asking questions about a wife giving oral sex, I did not shy away from the topic. After all, God did create oral sex, and it can act as a very intimate way to connect in marriage. Respectful information might empower women to make the best choices based on their situation.

But last week, comments on the blog really took off. Women started sharing how they had tried swallowing for the first time and it felt amazing. Soon others women piped in with congratulations, encouragement, or their own experience. By the end of the weekend, at least 4 women commented about their first time. It all felt a little surreal, and maybe a little off, but it wasn’t something I hadn’t heard before.

Just a few weeks ago, a woman from an Awaken Love class had emailed me. After years of thinking things were good, her husband had expressed a desire that challenged her ideas. Though the situation required hard conversations, and courage to move outside her norm, she had finally done it and felt excited. Class had provided the impetus to consider new possibilities. Women from class often thank me and the comments from the blog didn’t feel that different.

Everything changed when I received an email about the blog from a friend. He said, “have you noticed the similarity in writing styles from the women commenting recently. I have a feeling it is the same person writing under different names…”

Distorting the Blog

I suddenly felt sick. Was it possible that someone had been toying with me? Using the blog to manipulate women by sharing made up stories.

I’ve never paid much attention to who commented, because I tend to give others the benefit of the doubt. I usually focus on moderating content that feels negative or too graphic. Suddenly I knew I needed to investigate about who was commenting.

As I started scrolling through the comments, evidence quickly piled up. One particular IP number attached to comments from Audrey, Julie, Michelle, Stephanie, Thomas, Laurie, Kim, Brittany, Erica, Audrey, Janelle, Crystal….. 124 comments, all connected to one IP address. And this doesn’t touch on other IP addresses this person may have used. For months, someone had been pretending to be other people in order to manipulate, coerce and create the narrative they wanted.

It felt icky.

I felt angry, sad, violated.

I thought the blog provided a safe place for people to share. Instead someone had created the conversation they wanted to hear from women. They had taken my calling to help others find freedom in their marriage bed and distorted it for their own gratification.

Though the blog is not the main part of my ministry, this abuse shook me to the core.

I am sorry that comments on my blog were misrepresented.

I want my website to be a safe place. Moving forward I will require emails connected to comments. I will also keep better track of IP addresses and block questionable ones to try and avoid a similar situation. And to the best of my ability, the blog comments from the suspect IP address will be deleted. But the reality is, I have little control of truth telling with comments on the blog.

People that comment, can say whatever they want. Nobody really knows the dynamics of their marriage. People can comment and  ask questions to gather artillery to convince their spouse to do what they want. They can steer discussion by sharing what supposedly is their personal experience.

Should people be given the benefit of the doubt? Should you listen to their advice?  Someone might even pretend to be hundreds of different people. Though the anonymity of blogs might provide a first step in looking for the truth about sex, they also provide plenty of opportunities to distort the truth. For me, blogs cannot compare to the transformation and growth that happens when people talk face to face.

Face to Face

There is a reason that I love Awaken Love classes. Sitting in a room of women, I don’t just interpret words on a screen, I hear from their heart. They are real people, with real challenges and struggles, but with the integrity to be honest and know. They have the courage to show up face to face to talk about sex. Unraveling the lies they’ve believed and talking about their baggage provides healing. Recognizing the many ways that silence informed their ideas about sex stirs them to change the world for others.

Though I will continue to write on the blog, hopefully with a greater awareness, my main focus has, and always will be encouraging people to take Awaken Love classes. When we open up the conversation of sex in healthy ways, then we begin to change the culture of sex. If my writing has meant anything to you, will you take the next step and host and Awaken Love class with some friends. God does His best work in community.

Have a Merry Christmas.

I plan on enjoying some time away from my computer. See you in January.

Passionate Sex – Listening to Your Body

Recently I shared with a friend my frustrations of trying to move from great sex, to passionate sex. As she nodded her head in agreement, she replied, “I know exactly what you mean. I don’t know how to get there, but I know that I love sex with my husband after he’s had a shot of whiskey.”

I think most of us can relate. A glass of wine, a shot of whiskey, and we turn into a different person. We lose inhibitions and become freer. Rather than thinking about all the reasons we shouldn’t have sex – “the baby might wake”, “I have an early morning meeting”, “I haven’t shaved” – we fearlessly dive into our body’s desires. Instead of worrying about how much we are pleasing our spouse, or what we should do next, we enjoy the present. Though a decreased concern for someone else might sound unhealthy, in safe marriages, hunger for what we want, can fuel our spouse’s enjoyment as much as our own.

How Marriage Changes Passion

Passionate sex typically happens outside of marriage, not within marriage. One-night stands run on adrenaline that helps people let loose and show their deep desires. Without a permanent investment in the relationship, they don’t have to worry about what the other person will think of them the next morning. They just go for it.

But when we get married, everything changes.  Lacking adrenaline to reduce our inhibitions, we fear rejection from the most important person in the world. So we shrink back, and have safe, mediocre, boring sex. We focus on serving our spouse and meeting their needs.

But, “What do you want?” or, “How do I fulfill your needs?”, doesn’t exactly get the heart racing. Starved for passion, we can settle for living vicariously through others. Steamy movies or romance novels provide the passion to satisfy our craving for excitement. We begin to believe the lie that passionate sex and marriage can’t coexist.

But what if God never intended sex in marriage to be boring.

Song of Songs portrays a steaminess dripping with myrrh and all the finest spices. She invites him for an early outdoor adventure in the vineyard. He arouses her with words and bids her, “Come my darling, come with me.” We witness a striptease where she freely shares her body to tease his eyes. God’s book on intimacy portrays anything but boring sex. God’s books oozes passion.

So How Do We Create Passion in Marriage?

Create Trust in Your Marriage

To show your innermost desires, the things that really get your heart beating, requires great trust in your marriage. You both must be able to handle sexually charged situations without using laughter or jokes to mask discomfort. Our spouse’s desire and ideas must drive our excitement as much as our own.  Trust takes time to build, but it also requires that we put ourselves out there and fail a few times. If we always play it safe, how we will know that we can trust them. If we always play it safe, how will they learn to handle charged sexual energy.

We also have to trust that we are so bonded to our spouse, that when they listen to their body, it will benefit both of us. We must know that our spouse would never try to degrade us, use us or hurt us. Even when we might feel surprised, we must implicitly trust their heart, intentions and motivation. Can you trust that your spouse’s sexual desires were created by God and will benefit you too?

Trust Yourself

Sometimes we don’t allow ourselves to be passionate because we don’t trust ourselves. We wonder if we will go too far, or get too wild. Even when we understand that God wants us to enjoy sex, we can still hold shame when it comes to real freedom in the marriage bed. We feel like passionate sex might be this dark place that will suck us in and swallow us up. If God is with us, if we are creating intimacy with our spouse, then can we step into enjoying the freedom God intends? Can we move beyond operating in a way that our mind constantly checks our action, and trust even our own body?


Because of the ways that men have hurt women through sex, and the vulnerability of a woman opening herself up, most husbands face an uphill battle to build trust. Loving husbands will learn to focus more on her pleasure and making her feel safe. Constantly gauging her comfort level, hesitation or fear, they learn to rein themselves in. Their own desires become an afterthought.

As a wife gains confidence in her husband and in the bedroom, she may need to help him transition to thinking about himself for a change. Passionate sex runs on desire and he may have learned to ignore his needs long ago. Give him permission and encourage him to listen to his body. Take the lead and show him how to let desire fuel passion by enrapturing him. Be patient as he relearns how to listen to his body, and trust that you want what he wants.

Getting out of your Head and Into Your Body

We spend most of life, living in our head. In fact, many times we tune out our body to avoid feeling painful emotions like fear, loneliness or rejection. During sex we think about what we should do, monitor our spouse, or worry about performance. But in order to have passionate sex, you will need to learn to stop thinking, and start feeling. Your body, not your mind will drive your desires and create the passionate sex life you want.

Most of us aren’t used to spending time in our body and it will take practice outside of sex to get comfortable.

  • Hone into your senses during meals and taste the flavors of each bite. Smell the aromas that stir your hunger. Discover the textures that create variety and contrasts.
  • Learn to settle your mind during prayer. Don’t just listen to God but learn to experience His presence.
  • Exchange sensuous massages and listen to your body. What does it enjoy? What is your body asking for? Feel your spouse and allow yourself to be felt.

During sex, quiet your mind and listen to your body. Trust that your spouse will communicate needs without asking.  What feels good?. Is your body screaming for something?  What do you want? Reach down to share your deepest desires. Trust your spouse, trust yourself, and set yourself loose – even without a shot of whiskey.

Final Thoughts

Having passionate sex doesn’t happen on your own. It requires two healthy, sexually confident people to show up and share themselves. Receiving your spouses desires requires great care and an openness to explore new territory.

I believe that God wants us to move beyond just meeting each other’s needs into the secret place of deep knowing. Can you learn to trust, listen to your body, and embrace that passion that God created?

How have  you learned to create passion in your sex life?

My Husband Wants to Finish Where?

Where a husband wants to finish during oral or manual sex can stir up a land mine of emotions for wives. Some women love the passion of experiencing their husband in new ways.  Others hold fear, disgust, discomfort or reservation about opening up options. Navigating the topic of where your husband finishes requires care, sensitivity, open communication, honesty, and trust. Whether or not your husband has broached the topic, I have a few ideas that might provide clarity.


Porn has done much to confuse us about the motivation of our husbands. Because we know that porn depicts men degrading women, we can suspect our husband wanting to do the same. Porn can make oral sex seem like an act of self-gratification instead of intimate love making. If our husband has seen porn, we wonder about his motivation. Does he long to connect and share himself or is he trying to recreate a scene from porn.

Even our spouse repeatedly sharing unrealistic expectations of what sex should look like can feel unloving and selfish. God never intended that we pressure each other into certain acts. Sex should be an expression of our love for each other and of sharing ourselves – not a guilt trip. Growth takes time and adding pressure does not help.

Motivation matters. God intended that we get to know each other though sex, not imitate what we have seen. But if we exclude everything we see in porn, we would have nothing left.

Understanding Motivation

Honest conversation can help shed light on motivation. Answers like, “If you loved me you would…”, carry manipulation. But what if your husband told you, “I feel so loved when you…”, or “I love to watch because it helps me stay connected to you”, or “knowing that you love all of my body, not only makes me feel loved, but gives me courage to be more vulnerable.”   Take time to ask for a deeper understanding and don’t just make assumptions about your husband’s motivation.

Ultimately, I believe that sex is about loving and respecting each other.  If something feels disrespectful or degrading, then don’t do it. Forcing yourself to do something you detest will only lead to more disconnection, bitterness, and ultimately teach you to hate sex.

But if your husband has pure motivations about where he wants to finish, then pray and consider the validity and vulnerability of sharing his desire with you. Share with him  your desire to grow, ask for patience in the journey and commit to small steps of growth.

Our Baggage

Though our husbands feel quite comfortable with every part of their bodies – including their semen – most wives are not. Many of us still view our own vulva and natural juices with disgust. So why wouldn’t we view our husband’s body through the same lens.

But God created your husband’s body. He created his penis, the wrinkled sack that holds his testicles, and even the semen that courses through his body. While we might think it strange when they strut their stuff, maybe husbands aren’t the ones that need to grow – we are.

How much shame do we still hold around the topic of sex when we grimace in disgust at the view of our own sexual part? If we want to experience God’s freedom during sex, maybe we need to first appreciate the amazing bodies that God gave us, and then learn to embrace our husband’s.

Take steps to embrace your own body, by looking at your vulva, or even tasting yourself.


Sometimes resistance to certain acts simply comes from unfamiliarity. If you want to grow in comfort, then move at your own pace. You want to create positive experiences that will build to create more positive experiences. Take baby steps toward your goal and don’t move forward until you can relax and really enjoy what your are doing.

Much like learning to love a new food requires repeated exposures by seeing, smelling, feeling, and tasting, learning to love oral sex may require the same. Forcing a child to eat can repel them to the point of gagging. But consistent playful, low pressure exposures to many different foods can lead to not only a large repertoire of foods, but to confidence in trying new things.

So for example,  he wants to finish in your mouth, some baby steps might be…

  • Learn to enjoy just looking at and touching his penis
  • Spend time just licking  and exploring his penis with your mouth
  • Learn to enjoy giving him oral sex without him finishing. I mean really enjoy it – not just do it. There are lots of things to learn about him, but also be aware of how you feel. Are you getting tense, is your jaw tired, do you feel resentful? Are you worried about whether he is enjoying it? Do you have the freedom to show him new experiences? Does it get you excited?
  • Get comfortable with his semen. Finish him with your hand. Feel the warmth. Does it gross you out or repel you? Notice the warmth, the texture, how it smells. Gently clean him up with a tissue or towel afterwards.
  • Taste his semen after he finishes on your hand. Just a small lick without having to swallow. How is it? Try this as many times as you want.
  • Some women then move to letting him finish in their mouth without swallowing. Others learn that placement of his penis towards the back of the mouth can ease swallowing. Some just easily transition to loving swallowing.

But keep this in mind… If you want to learn something new, then you need to practice on a regular basis – not once a month as a special gift. When you want it for yourself, then you will commit the time. What a thrill when you get to the place where you love it as much as he does and his excitement builds your excitement.


In order to build trust in how your husband will finish, you most likely will need to have conversations outside of the bedroom. Although it might not feel very romantic, knowing that your husband will respect your wishes builds trust. You need to know that he can control himself for your sake and that he cares more about you than a certain act.

A respectful husband will follow your lead and wait for your invitation. But be prepared, how you feel about something might change in the heat of the moment. Passion tends to invite unfiltered expressions that fuel more excitement. If you want your respectful husband to enter into that domain, you will need to invite him in.


Planning doesn’t build a lot of passion, and neither does your husband constantly having to follow your lead. Once you’re comfortable with different acts and established trust, you may decide to set your husband loose. To tell him, “I trust you implicitly during sex and I know without a doubt that you would never try to degrade me, or hurt me. I want you to have the freedom to do what you want. Your excitement fuels my excitement.”

After constantly monitoring your comfort level, it might take time for your husband to believe that you want to set him free during sex, and he might not even remember how. If he spent years denying himself in consideration of you, learning how to listen to his body will take practice. Be patient and encouraging as both of you continue on a journey of the deepest kind of knowing.

Final Thought

Handing over the reins to let your husband finish where he wants is a journey of growth. It requires deep trust, confidence and vulnerability. But handing over the reins is a necessary step in creating the passionate marriage you want.

After all, watching our spouse get overcome by desire is one of the most intimate things they share. When watching our spouse let go, builds our own excitement, then we understand the verse 1 Cor 7:4, The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife.

Denying themselves is yielding to their wife, but so is letting go, when it undoes us.

The Purity Culture – How to Move Beyond the Fallout

Recently the news has been filled with fallout from the short comings of the purity movement. Many wives in Awaken Love classes relate to the challenge of embracing sex when the only message they heard was, “Don’t do it!” Other women just gave up trying to be pure. Once lines were crossed – whether it was their choice or not – they figured they were already ruined, so why try. And I’ve met plenty of brides that felt confused and angry when sex didn’t feel amazing, even though they followed all the rules. But pointing out the failings of the purity culture only casts blame. How do we move beyond the purity culture, not only for ourselves but for future generations?

Healing for You

If you grew up during the purity movement, you may have related to one of the examples of fallout. Regardless, we all have believed lies about sex and we all have sexual brokenness. Don’t put off working on your marriage bed until years of resentment build. Make it all that God intended by taking an Awaken Love class, joining a Passion Pursuit study, reading my book Awaken Love, or meeting with a counselor. Regardless of where you have been or what you have been through, go after healing. We cannot change the past, but we can take responsibility for pursuing our own healing today.

Moving Forward in The Church

The main message of the purity movement, waiting to have sex until marriage, was not wrong. God created sex as a way to unite marriages and to create a deep intimacy. Connecting intimately during sex also helps us understand deep intimacy with Christ.

Saving sex for marriage shows trust in God’s goodness and spares us natural consequences. God is not stingy. He wants to protect us from broken hearts, comparisons of past experiences, or creating a habit of disconnection during sex. But when we only hear, “Don’t do it”, we haven’t received the full picture of sex. We need to know what we are saving ourselves for.

God created sex for marriage and it is definitely something to look forward to. Though it will take hard work in marriage to create a mutually satisfying sex life, God creates intimacy through the struggle. Song of Songs shows us the passion and intimacy God intends for marriage. Sex is something worth waiting for.

Single people also need to understand that crossing boundaries does not ruin them for life, like that flower that lost all of its petals. God is a God that forgives and redeems. When we repent, we can start fresh as we learn to live in a way that honors Him with sexual integrity. The church can’t be afraid to share with others what they’ve learned from their mistakes. Let’s equip others to make good choice for themselves. Let’s move beyond simple messages for “Don’t do it” or simplistic answers that convey fear and shame about sex.

Changing the Culture of Sex in the Church

It’s easy to complain about the faults of the purity movement, or throw up our arms because nothing ever changes in church. But I am here to encourage you and say that things can change. I’ve witnessed it.

Start at Home

The truth is that conversations in the home about sex have more of an impact than any youth group message, or sermon. When you grow up knowing that your parents enjoy sex and they aren’t afraid to talk with you about it, you end up with a healthy respect and attitude for sex. As parents, we cannot let message from culture, or porn, or even church, trump the influence that we have with our kids. If you don’t know where to start check out Tips for Conversations, What Do You Want to Communicate, and Creating New Messages for Teens. Work through your baggage around sex, embrace the freedom God intended for you, and start talking to your kids about what they are waiting for and why.


More and more churches address the topic of sex in a positive way. Recently a local church contacted me because they were doing a sermon series on sex.  They not only hosted an Awaken Love class, but the pastors facilitated the Men’s Edition class for the husbands. As a culmination to the series they invited me and 2 others from outside of the congregation to answer sex questions during church. Not only did we talk about sex, we talked about masturbation. This church normalized the conversation of sex and created a safe place to find answers. The silence and shame surrounding sex was replaced with God’s truth – and it came from the top down.

I’ve seen other churches open up the topic of sex when one individual stepped up. I’ve had lots of ladies seek approval to host Awaken Love video classes at their church. Sometimes the leaders are happy to help and offer a room, office help or even marketing. Other times leaders aren’t ready and the women end up hosting classes in their house.

Either way the transformation ripples out to create conversations about sex with spouses, kids, and in the church body. You do not have to wait for your church leadership to tackle the topic of sex. You can start by inviting a few friends from church in your corner of the world.

Final Thoughts

The purity movement missed the mark for many people. Thirty years later,  during the age of internet and porn, we cannot expect simple answers or formulas to work when we talk about navigating singleness. We must go after healing and embrace God’s gift of sex for ourselves first. Then when we talk to our kids, we become the source of Godly truth and real answers.

Help married couples understand the importance of sex and the freedom God offers. Create a safe place for singles to ask questions, understand natural consequences, and begin a journey of sexual integrity. Open up the conversation about sex in your church and see the impact ripple. Move beyond the purity culture and take sex back from the world.

Becoming a Sexually Confident Spouse

What does it take to create an amazing sex life?

It takes two sexually confident people, showing up and sharing themselves. Though you can’t change your spouse, you can work on yourself. We all have plenty  to work on, so here are 8 Characteristics  of a Sexually Confident Spouse.


Restore Vulvar Skin with Julva

Navigating the changes of menopause comes with extra challenges if you love to have sex on a regular basis. When already sensitive skin loses its suppleness because of a lack of estrogen, it doesn’t take much for what used to be pleasurable to turn painful in a hurry. One of the products that I became curious about in restoring vulvar health was Julva, a cream created by OB/GYN Dr. Anna Cabeca. After finally tiring Julva myself for 2 months, I am eager to share about my experience.


The Basics of Vulvar Skin Care

I have always had sensitive skin that required special care – especially my vulva. With a tendency toward yeast infections, an auto immune skin disease called Lichen Sclerosus, and the challenges of menopause, I finally made an appointment to see a Vulvar pain specialist. I found an amazing doctor who immediately put me at ease by asking questions and listening to my story.  What surprised me most was the importance she placed on the basics of vulvar skin care.  Many of her tips confirmed practices I had already put in place, but these important guidelines might be helpful for you too.