Affordable Help for Menopausal Women

One of the familiar challenges for menopausal women during sex is a lack of lubrication. Really the lack of lubrication is just one of the symptoms of reduced estrogen due to the natural aging process. Estrogen helps keep our tissue young and supple. Without it, things can quickly fall apart. Intercourse can become painful due to lack of lubrication. Thin tissue and bladder infections can become problematic. Decreased Estrogen causes all kinds of issues.


The Pleasures of Morning Sex

As my husband and I have gotten older, we have learned to appreciate mornings sex for several reasons.  After a good night’s sleep, some of the aches and pains have receded and our bodies feel rested.  My brain slows down enough to put my “to do list” on the back burner for a while.  Hormones surge and bodies function best in the morning. And as I have gained confidence, I  appreciate seeing each other in the light of day and savoring those images. Consider taking advantage of morning sex and see what a difference it can make.


Menopause – Sex Whenever I Want

One of the big pluses of having a hysterectomy or making it through menopause is the absence of my monthly friend. No more period to show up just as I am headed out for a week in the boundary waters. The flow of money for buying tampons and pads finally comes to a screeching halt. New pretty panties no longer end up covered in stains. And, I can have sex whenever I want, 365 days a year.


COCONUT OIL – A Great Personal Lubrication

Coconut Oil – I love everything

about it !!!

I love to use it on my husband. I lube him up – his penis, his testicles, his perineum, all around the area – and it makes my hands glide silky smooth over him. Whether I am enjoying him with my hands, mouth, breasts or any other part of my body, a little bit of coconut oil makes

it a whole lot nicer.


DON’T GIVE UP – Using a Vibrator

This week Julie Sibert over at Intimacy in Marriage posted a great article titled Encouraging Post menopausal women to not give up on sex….

In the article she shares an email from a post menopausal woman who discovered what a helpful tools vibrators can be. . As her menopausal body struggled to physically respond the vibrator added the extra physical stimulation to help her enjoy sex again. She felt excited as she and her husband could once again enjoy sex.


Vibrators have gradually become main stream for the general population. In the US over 50% of women have tried one at least once. The younger generation is much more open to their use than the older generation. Many of us did not grow up talking about sex or able to research  sex  on the internet. The idea of touching ourselves, participating in activities other than intercourse or using a vibrator is what “those other women” do, not us…

While sex is about more than having the biggest orgasm, God did intend wives to fully enjoy sex. Why else would He give us a clitoris?



I probably know too much…

I hear the pain of a bride that saved herself until marriage, met the man of her dreams, fell in love, and fully gave herself  to him. I hear the pain of finding out her young husband isn’t all that interested in sex because years ago he had been seduced by the images in pornography. He would rather spend time with a screen than learn how to love his wife.

I hear the pain of a young mom once again answering to the effects of sexual abuse at the hands of her uncle. She thought she had dealt with it, but the pain in her voice and tears on her face say something else. Now with young children, the burden of protecting them rips open her wound in a new place.

I hear the cries of a generation growing up where living together before marriage is the answer to growing up in a broken home. Marriage is reserved as a capstone after experiencing as much of life as you can before settling down to the boring regimen of marriage to raise a family.

I hear the regret of the girl that succumbed to the power of turning a man’s head by using her body to feel loved, desired and needed. Struggling to find freedom with the man that God has now bound her to in marriage, she repents and asks God to erase the memories and make her new.

I hear the pain of growing up in a generation where watching porn as a couple is normal. Instead of making sex better by increasing intimacy, you make sex better by adding some new thrill or even person.

I hear the pain of living in a world where even pictures from phones can be photo shopped to remove your wrinkles and blemishes. No longer are you just comparing yourself to the stars in the magazines, but to your friends posting on Facebook.


The Good News

aging coupleOne of my favorite authors on sex, David Schnarch, says what determines our response during sex is  a composite of three things – physical sensations, emotional connection, and our feelings about sex. Once you understand what this means, you will realize that as we age, we have many choices in determining whether sex gets better every year, or it completely falls off the map.



My surgery was super easy. Now I am just trying to stay patient as I allow the incisions in my vagina to heal and the stitches to dissolve.

It actually surprised me how little I feel the incision. Besides some general aching and itching, I don’t feel the incision at all. You hear how little feeling the vagina has, but I am not sure I really believed it. I guess it is a good thing considering the trauma the vagina experiences during childbirth.

As far as the restriction of “no sex for 4 weeks”….

My doctor was happy to clarify that what he really meant was “nothing in the vagina for 4 weeks”. Big difference in my book.

I am learning that it pays to ask. Doctors are often no better at talking about sex than we are. It is nice to know what your options are if you feel up to it. I think back to periods of medically restricted sex do to childbirth or other issues, and I wish I had been more proactive in asking for clarification. It is easy for periods of no sex, to lead to feeling disconnected. I think sometimes my husband subconsciously with draws in order to take the pressure off of me, and I end up just feeling lonely.

I just finished an awesome book called Kosher Lust by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. One of the things he shares is how in the conservative Jewish faith they practice a period of abstinence each month that contributes to sustain the lust or passion in marriage. During this period of abstinence, the men focus on loving their wife with their words instead. When husband and wife are finally able to come together, there is already great expectation and the wife feels fully loved.

So during this period of waiting for my body to heal, my husband and I are trying to stay connected in other ways. We are stretching ourselves to use our words to arouse and love each other. We are intentionally leaning into each other rather than with drawing. We are enjoying the building of anticipation and the awakening of our body to sensuous feeling. We are intentionally looking at each other eye to eye as we love each other in new ways. And when we finally can, it is going to be great.



Another Adjustment


Tomorrow I am having a simple surgical procedure to remove scar tissue from my vagina. The scar formed years ago in an area that was stitched up during childbirth. The scar didn’t really bother me until the last few years when menopause caused the thinning of tissue in my vagina. The ridge of scar tissue gradually become more raised and irritated the entire right side of my vulva. At times I experienced a dull ache and other times it was a sharp pain like an exposed nerve. My doctor explained that because the tissue and nerves are so intertwined in that area of our body, a small area of irritation can make the nerves and tissue of the whole area fire up.


The change – Hysterectomy

My doctor could tell I was anemic before she even tested me. Unaware of the result of a gradual worsening of my periods, feeling tired and slow became my norm. I will never forget the day that I ended up in the hospital because of a flow that literally poured out of me. Of course by the time I was seen, the flow had slowed to manageable. This was the start of my initiation into peri-menopause, that cursed period of life when you have no control over your own body.