Celebrate 7 Years of Awaken Love Ministry

Seven years ago, I started teaching Awaken Love. 8 dear friends came to my back porch to let me share my story of awakening to the power and importance of sex in marriage. 800 women later, I am still amazed at the transformation that happens in class. Another 700 women have been able to attend classes using videos. I am so encouraged by the women hosting video classes and sharing about Awaken Love.

This Year was a Whirl Wind

  • Finished writing, editing, formatting and designing my first book Awaken Love
  • Filmed, edited and launched a video for Engaged Couples
  • Filmed edited and launched the 6-week Men’s Edition videos and curriculum for husbands
  • Revamped Website to accommodate videos For Wives, Engaged Couples and Men’s Edition
  • Set Up regular posting on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest
  • Launched and sold over 1300 copies of my book Awaken Love in 8 months
  • Talked to girls in Kenya about sex
  • Over 20 Engagements Speaking About Sex to women’s and couples groups
  • Spoke to high school teens about sex for the first time

I am humbled that God is using me, encouraged by all that He is doing, and impatient for Him to do more. Many men and women still need to experience healing and freedom in their sexuality. Churches must learn to open up conversations about sex and create a safe place to bring brokenness to the light. Parents, grandparents and mentors must learn how to talk to kids about sex to change things for the next generation. I feel urgency, and hope you feel it too. But to be honest, I am also tired.

Rest in Him

Matt 11:28-30 says, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let met teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

Though God has burdened my heart for speaking His truth about sex, I must resist trying to do things on my own. If God wants doors to open, then I trust that He will open them. When I teach classes and hear stories of brokenness, I have to hand them over to God. They are not mine to try to fix or to carry. Rather than striving on my own, I must continually give Awaken Love back to God. The burden He gives me is light and I must rest in Him.

Praise God with me as we celebrate the anniversary of Awaken Love.

He is good and He is faithful.

Men’s Edition – A Great Resource to Improve Your Sex Life

Finally, a great place for husbands to get good information about sex.

Men’s Edition, an amazing resource to help Christian husbands create the intimate sex life they desire.

6 videos packed with insight that Ruth has gained from teaching hundreds of wives about sex. Ruth and her husband Jim will help you understand God’s design for sex, the challenges your wife faces in embracing freedom, the complexities of her body, and how to create more intimacy during sex. Though the videos can be viewed by yourself, we encourage you to find a group of guys to join you on this journey. One of the best ways to improve your sex life is to learn to talk about it.

Less than an hour long each, the videos provide discussion questions to help you process what you learn. If we want to take sex back from the world, then we must start talking about it. Taking the class with other husbands will also provide encouragement and accountability as you challenge each other to move beyond the status quo and try something new.

Men’s Edition is a great follow up after your wife has completed Awaken Love, but you don’t have to wait. The classes can be taken parallel, with men and women meeting in different rooms. Or wives and husbands could alternate weeks, with the wives meeting first. The parallel curriculum will create a common language and encourage communication as husband and wife process what they learn.

Even if your wife has never taken Awaken Love or never will, Men’s Edition will help you understand God’s design, your wife’s challenges, and provide respectful information about sex. Men’s Edition will challenge you to work on yourself, create more intimacy during sex and love your wife right where she is. Though you cannot change your wife, you can work on yourself.

The Topics for the 6 Videos Include:

  • Defining Intimacy
  • God’s Design for Sex and How it Plays out in Marriage
  • The Lies Your Wife Battles and How to Help Her Believe the Truth,
  • Dealing with Your Lies and Baggage
  • Discerning What is Right for Your Marriage
  • Using your Words to Communicate, Connect and Create Excitement
  • Learning to Be Present and Create Connection During Sex
  • How Women’s Bodies Work
  • How Your Body Works
  • Understanding Sex Drives
  • Wooing Your Wife
  • How Intimacy in Marriage Models Intimacy with Christ

For just $10, each participant receives unlimited access to the 6 professionally produced videos for 120 days. A pdf of the curriculum provides detailed notes and discussion questions. Several “Hands on Learning” assignments each week reinforce what you learn in the videos. A Resource page suggests books and websites for further growth. A Leaders Guide provides guidance for those interested in leading a group.

I have had the amazing privilege to teach hundreds of Christian wives about sex and to help them embrace freedom in their marriage bed. When I share with them about Men’s Edition many exclaim,” I would love for my husband to attend”.

Check it out for yourself. If you find it helpful, dare to lead a group. Men are starved for good, God honoring, detailed information about sex and how to love their wife.

Finding the Courage to Host Awaken Love

If you are afraid to host an Awaken Love sex class, trust me, I understand. When I had my first class, I felt terrified too. Who would I ask and how would I do it? Could I really talk about sex? What if something came up that I wasn’t equipped to handle? What if I said the wrong thing or didn’t have the answer? But as God continued to highlight the importance of figuring out sex to strengthen Christian marriages, I knew I had to do something. I finally decided that I wasn’t going to let Satan’s lies or fear keep me from making a difference. I was going to trust God.

Inviting

I will never forget the first time I decided to teach Awaken Love. I spent weeks thinking about who I should invite and how to broach the subject. Too scared to reach out to my friends in person I decided that email felt safest. I made a list of some of my most trusted, Godly friends and drafted a letter telling them a little bit of my story. God had woken me to the importance of sex and was calling me to share with others what I had learned. I remember hitting “send” and wondering, “what will they think of me now?”

I really wasn’t sure how my friends would react. But using email gave them a comfortable “out” and helped me avoid the face to face questions or personal rejection. Those not interested simply never responded. The ones open to the idea quickly replied. After all, how often do you hear about a Christian sex class?

After all these years, I still feel nervous inviting others to a class. My primary way to spread the word about classes is using email. But every once in a while, God calls me to press in and talk to someone in person. Usually it feels so clear that I almost feel like I am transmitting a message from God. “I think you are supposed to take my class”, I will gently pronounce. More often then not, they agree.

Some women have no problem inviting friends to a sex class, and some of us just need to use subtler way. Either way, trust God to bring the women ready to dive in. Don’t pressure friends that don’t feel ready. You never know what they are dealing with in their marriage.

Having the Answers

Those first classes I often worried, what if I don’t know the answer? The truth is that I will never have all the answers and neither will you. Sometimes there is no simple answer, or maybe no answer at all.

More important than providing the answers we must provide a sympathetic place for women to be heard, loved and pointed to the simple truths about God. He is good, He is faithful, He cares and He can provide healing and restoration. We won’t have to all the answers, we just need to keep pointing women back to God’s truth.

At times the fear that what I said might make matters worse felt terrorizing. Carrying the burden for someone else’s change or transformation felt suffocating, until I landed at the foot of the cross. God is in control, not me. If someone makes positive growth than the glory goes to God. If I say the wrong thing, then God can use even my weaknesses and work good from it. Teaching classes will require you to let go of what you cannot control and instead trust Him.

Handling Situations

Handling emotional situations has never been my strength. In fact, I remember purposely avoiding people because I did not feel comfortable hearing about their struggles. So you can imagine that when I started teaching, I worried about the situations I might need to handle in classes – a woman still raw from sexual abuse, a wife that just discovered her husband’s porn, feelings of regret over promiscuity. But God provided. Every time I felt lacking, another woman stepped up. And even though I now feel confident in handling most situations, I still look for women to step up. Because class is not about me. It is about women ministering to women. God will be faithful to provide what you  need during class.

If you have considered hosting an Awaken Love class and you’ve been talking yourself out of it, I would ask you these questions….

  1. Is God calling you to bring wholeness and health to women’s sexuality, or to start talking about sex in the church?
  2. Do you know God and His truths?
  3. Can you create a safe place for women to be honest?
  4. Do you trust God to provide – even for a sex class?

Well, what are you waiting for…

Talking with Other Women About Sex

A recent study about the impact of providing women with a safe place to talk about sex, confirmed the importance of community during Awaken-Love classes. Though I suspected the importance of sharing and processing with other women, until now, I didn’t have any real evidence.

The Study

In the study, small groups of women met once a week for four weeks. To encourage conversation the women agreed not to judge each other or give advice. Each week they answered a prompt like,“what kind of messages did you receive as a child around sexuality?” Or “how do you feel about your body or about masturbation.” These simple questions helped them process past experiences and become more self aware. After only four weeks,  women not only improved their feelings about themselves but they started making positive changes in their marriage.

Statistically, things like desire, arousal and orgasm all increased for the women. Overall, sexual function increased 20%, but just as important sexual distress, or worrying about sex, decreased 28%. The open conversations with other women helped to normalize their own experiences. They became more accepting of themselves and excited to explore what worked for them. Talking about sex in groups also equipped them to talk to their husbands in order to improve their sex life. Another common side benefit for many women, was talking to their kids about sex for the very first time. Talking about sex with other women helped them not only embrace their own sexuality, but inspired them to make a difference for the next generation.

Awaken-Love

In Awaken Love classes I have personally witnessed the power of women talking about sex with other women. We use mixer questions every week like, “How did you learn about sex?” or “When have you the felt the closest to your husband and why?” Weekly, opportunities are given to share what women are learning through the homework or reading.  On baggage week, we share about our sexual baggage. At first most women feel timid talking about sex, but as we establish trust, they open up.

In class, the most important thing a facilitator  does is to create a judgement free zone for conversation. If women are going to be honest, they must feel safe. We must not only guard our words, but the tone of our voice and facial expression as we share in group. Respectful conversation must be maintained – both in what we talk about and how we talk about it. We don’t need to arouse or tantalize others with graphic details.  We share in general, respectful ways. Talking about sex empowers us, equips us and encourage others.

When women gently share about their struggles, they don’t feel so alone. When regrets are met with compassion and grace, women receive healing. Steps of growth challenge and spur others on towards their own growth.  And just like in the study, women begin talking about sex both with their husband and their kids. Talking about sex can be a powerful way to help women embrace their sexuality and ultimately change the world.

It is important to learn to talk about sex in respectful, God honoring ways. When we do, we will not only improve our own sex lives, we will help others.

What’s New at Awaken Love for 2019

As we move into 2019, I cannot help but pause to thank God for what He has done at Awaken Love. Last year was a year of God’s provision and creating community.

2018

Last Spring God surprised me with funds to create more video classes. The Engaged Class launched to help couples understand God’s design for sex before marriage. Filled with practical tips, and discussion starters, opening up conversations about sex will help couples start off on the right foot

The Men’s Edition of Awaken Love was filmed in Dec and will launch in March.  Videos that parallel the women’s class, will help husbands understand their wives and move beyond just having sex to intimately connecting through sex.

My first book Awaken Love self published and already over 800 copies have sold. The book will act as a great entry point for those not ready to take a class, or as a follow up for those that want a refresher.

From the humble beginnings  with 8 close friends 7 years ago, over 1400 women and 200 men have participated in Awaken Love classes. Feedback continues to confirm the importance of community for growth and transformation.

2019

As I prayed about 2019, God gave me the word Disciple. I want to be a disciple of Christ, but I also want to be a disciple of Godly sexuality.  I don’t just want to help people discover God’s design for their sex life. I want to equip them to pass a healthy mindset about sex down to their kids or friends. As they enjoy an intimate sex life in their marriage, they can encourage others.

Along with focusing on Discipleship, I hope to…

  • Write a book about sex specifically to help men understand their wife.
  • Explore different models for Awaken Love classes – like large groups or online groups
  • Develop ways to equip and disciple women that want to teach or facilitate Awaken Love
  • Continue speaking to women, men, couples and even singles both locally and around the United States.

Final Thoughts

I love the community that is developing at Awaken Love. It is a place to come and learn. We encourage and support each other as we move towards God’s design for sex. Blogging will continue to help me process what happens in my personal life and in classes. This year I will update my Song of Songs posts, write about discipleship and sprinkle in respectful detailed posts about sex. I would also love to hear your ideas for topics.

But I also want to encourage you to go. To move beyond online discussions to minister to the people that you know face to face. Open up the topic of sex by hosting an Awaken Love video class. Invite me to come and speak at your moms group, or marriage ministry. Give a copy of my book to a friend or share about it on social media, or Amazon Reviews. Share with a friend about what you have learned or begin conversations with your kids. 

So this year, let’s move beyond ourselves. Let’s become disciples of Godly sexuality,  so that marriages all around us might be strengthened.

Building Community to Strengthen Your Marriage

In preparation for Christmas, my daughter wanted help making gifts in the wood shop. She wanted to make her dad a pizza paddle out of some cherry and walnut lumber. I have to be honest, I haven’t done much woodworking in the past 5 years, but it felt good and it was super fun to work with my daughter. She kept saying, “this wood feels so good” and “this is actually really relaxing.” Sometimes we need a little help getting back to the things that feed our soul. We need community.

God

It is not unlike my relationship with God. Bible studies with friends, helps me stay in the word. When Jim and I read the bible together, sometimes he gets me moving and other times I lead the charge. Removing ourselves from community, will open the door to believe  Satan’s lies. We need community to hold us accountable, encourage us, speak the truth, and spur us on.

Marriage

We also need community in marriage – authentic, honest relationships with others. People who can listen with a soft heart but who refocus us on what God wants and what we can do different. We need friends that ask when we last went on a date, or if we are praying together in our marriage. Real people that babysit even overnight, and that we can return the favor. Community will guard our marriages and help us to keep investing the time to create great marriages. We even need people that will ask how sex is going.

Sex

Online communities provide a great entry point to work on your sex life. Writing anonymously provides a safe place to dip your feet into uncomfortable topics and start gathering resources. But we also need real people in our life that we can talk to about anything. When we share hard things they love us unconditionally and pray for our journey.

If you’ve never really gone that deep, a great way to open up conversation about sex is to take an Awaken Love class with friends. In 6 weeks, you will go from friends that skirted around the issues, to authentic real friendships. Because when you can talk about sex, you can talk about anything.

Awaken Love

I had a moms group take Awaken Love together and it totally changed their relationship. They went from surface friendships to an amazing group of women that could talk about anything. Another woman took the class with a bunch of strangers which quickly became friends.  They continue to encourage, check in and care for each other. After 6 weeks of class you will have women whom you can talk to – even about sex.

We need community to help create strong marriages. Don’t buy into the lie that we should not talk about our struggles or our sex life in the church. Let’s open up real conversations and create a culture of honesty, integrity and support. Offer an Awaken Love class and open up the topic of sex today.

An Awaken Love can help you create a community to  encourage you in your marriage and your self life.

Awaken Love Men’s Edition Coming Soon

After years of waiting, on December 5-7, Jim and I will record videos classes for Men’s Edition. We are excited, nervous and full of anticipation as we create much needed resources for Christian husbands to create an amazing sex life in their marriage. Filled with God’s truth,  detailed respectful information and practical application we hope to have the videos released by March 1st.  Already revamped, the Awaken Love website has information about classes For Wives, Engaged Couples and Men’s Edition.

I have had a passion for helping husbands for years. Though many resources exist to help husband’s in the battle for purity, few exist to help husbands create an intimate sex life with their wife. While it might seem strange for a woman to teach men, I bring a unique perspective. After having taught hundreds of women, I am uniquely qualified to help husbands understand their wives.

Through the class Jim and I will:

  1. Help husbands understand the difference between just having sex and intimately connecting during sex.
  2. Help husbands become a great lover to their wife, by understanding the battles in her head, how her body works and how to woo her with words and actions.
  3. Teach men that learning to intimately connect with their wife will help them understand what an intimate relationship with Christ looks like.
  4. Equip men to talk to their wife, their kids and other men about sex, so that they might know God’s truth.

Lack of Information

With few messages besides “Don’t do it” from families or church, men get married and assume things will magically fall into place. But many times they don’t. Without the ability to communicate about sex, men feel stuck and alone. For some men, pornography adds to the struggle by creating unrealistic expectations and performance pressure. Even when couples figure out how to make sex enjoyable for both, a wives constantly changing body and complicated mind can leave a husband feeling confused and timid.

How it Works

The 6 week class is designed for a group of men to take parallel to their wives Awaken-Love class. It can also be taken as a follow up or on their own. Regardless of whether a wife takes Awaken Love, Men’s Edition will help husbands understand God’s design and equip them to understand their wife.

Some of the topics covered in class are…

  • How to create intimacy through sex
  • God’s design for sex and how it plays out in marriage
  • Understanding and helping your wife battle the lies she believes about sex
  • Recognizing the lies men believe about sex
  • Discerning what to enjoy in your marriage bed.
  • How her body works
  • Men’s bodies
  • Navigating frequency
  • Wooing your wife

Please Pray

I am praying that the Men’s Edition of Awaken Love will be an amazing resource for husbands to find detailed, respectful information that is packed with practical advice. Will you please pray for Jim and me? Please pray for:

  • God’s Inspiration to bring the class to life from men
  • Unity as we work together
  • Freedom from nerves to energize His truth
  • That we let go of our own agenda and have flexibility to let God work

Engaged Couples Video Class Available Today!

Do you want to help engaged couples start on the right foot when it comes to sex?

Are you getting married soon and wonder about sex in marriage?

Do you have a hard time addressing sex in pre-marital counseling?

Talking about sex can feel scary and awkward, but couples learning to communicate about sex can help prevent patterns that take years to reverse.

Check out our new video class designed just for Engaged Couples.

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Many Options for Taking an Awaken-Love Video Class

When I first created the Awaken Love videos, I based everything off of my experiences teaching live classes. I realized the importance of community so that women could encourage and support each other as they shared their struggles and growth. I tried to recreate classes, with pauses for mixer questions, reading Song of Songs as a group, and discussion questions. Rather than just tell you the answers, I wanted women to discover their own answers. Though I still believe taking the video class in a group provides a powerful dynamic for transformation, I now realize that God can work regardless of the circumstances. If God has softened your heart and you are ready to seek His truth, He can use the Awaken-Love video class in many different ways as an impetus for change.

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5 Ideas to Add Variety to Oral Sex for Your Husband

Women tend to think about oral sex for their husband in terms of in and out movement. A hand or mouth that encompasses the shaft, sliding up and down from the base of the penis, across the ridge to the head, and then back again. It is the typical motion that most men use to create pleasure themselves. Though highly pleasurable and efficient, I want to share some ideas to mix things up a bit, extend pleasure, and expand his horizons.

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