3 Ways to Embrace Godly Sexual Passion

Seven years ago when I had my awakening, one of the Christian Sex Bloggers that I stumbled upon was Julie Sibert from IntimacyinMarriage.com. She writes with wit and a don’t beat around the bush attitude. Julie has a ton of wisdom and experience helping others in their sex life and today I am honored to have Julie guest post. Enjoy!

I didn’t always have a good grasp on godly sexual passion. Fortunately, I learned! And along the way, I have encouraged others. Maybe that’s why you’ve landed at this blog post today. You want more godly sexual passion in your marriage and you’re curious what it will take to experience that.

Here are 3 ways to get there… 

  1. Agree with God about Sex

If we listed all the things that sabotage authentic sexual intimacy in a marriage, we’d be here awhile. The good news, though, is that no matter the particular sexual struggle you and your spouse are facing, God wants to speak into it.

Are you as a couple ready to agree with God about sexual passion and, in some cases, restoration and healing? Are you committed to trusting what God says about His gift of sex in marriage? I’m not saying this is easy, especially if grabbing hold of God’s vision of sex goes against all that you have thought about sex to this point. But it’s worth it to align your perspectives with the Author of sexual intimacy. When you do, that’s when positive transformation can take root.

When we explore His Word, we begin to understand He intentionally created sex to be a holy and erotic path to oneness. He didn’t come up with sex as an afterthought. Arousal, orgasm and sexual oneness are all evidence of His intentional design. And God has given a husband and wife tremendous sexual freedom within the exclusivity of their relationship.

The question becomes, “Do you agree with Him?”

If you want to embrace godly sexual passion, a great place to start is by agreeing with what God says about sex.

  1. Let Go of Hollywood’s Depiction of Romance

Who among us doesn’t love a romantic movie? So many women especially are drawn to how romance and sex are portrayed in mainstream movies.

Sex in movies is all so natural and easy. The lighting is always spot on. The kisses and touches look flawless. The pillows are magically in the right place before, during and after the encounter. Off-the-charts pleasure seems a sure thing. And no one ever has bad breath or gets a leg cramp.

It’s no wonder those romantic scenes pull us in!

So then when we experience real sex in real marriage, we can become discouraged that it isn’t quite as flawless as what Hollywood has served up. It’s messier. More awkward. And requires way more actual communication and a lot less assumption.

But you know what? Real sex is better than movie sex, because it’s actual sex. We seem to forget that all that passion depicted on the screen is fabricated. Scripted. It’s not two people making love. It’s two people pretending to make love.

You don’t want pretend sex. You want real sex. As a husband and wife, you can discover the touches and techniques that bring incredible pleasure and oneness, and many of those touches and techniques you will never see in a mainstream romantic movie.

Embrace godly sexual passion by letting go of the fabricated romance depicted in movies.

  1. Keep Learning How to Nurture Great Sexual Intimacy

Even those of us who speak and write about sex are still learning about sex and how to nurture it in our own marriages. My husband and I are not the same people we were when we married. And that would be true no matter how long two people have been married.

Sure, your core values likely don’t change, but we all are constantly growing in our experiences and knowledge. And as we age, our bodies change as well, and we may encounter health challenges. The upside, of course, as we age, we often start being more intentional about health and becoming more sexually confident.

If you want to embrace godly sexual passion, never stop learning how to nurture great sexual intimacy. It’s a fabulous time to be a Christian hungry for resources on sexual intimacy. There are so many Christian books, counselors, websites, and programs on intimacy, and much of the information is free or reasonably priced.

On my site, you can get a free guide on passionate sex God’s way at this link.

And if you’re interested in a deeper dive, I just released a program called Better Sex in Your Marriage.  I’m taking only 100 couples in this initial offering, which has some awesome BONUSES for those 100 couples. Maybe you would like to be one of them. Find out if the offer is a good fit for your marriage at this link.

Regardless of what you do, I simply encourage you to do something. If you are ready to embrace godly sexual passion, there’s no better time than now to move in that direction!

Julie Sibert speaks and writes out of her own journey about sexual intimacy in marriage. You can follow her blog at www.IntimacyInMarriage.com. She lives in Nebraska with her husband, two sons and a rambunctious dog named Stella who is trying to destroy the yard.

 

Fun Ideas to Make Your Summer Sizzle

I can’t wait for summer! Long days of lazy sun. Fishing off the dock. Hot steamy nights with my husband. And reading a great book on sex at the beach. If you haven’t read Awaken Love or have a friend that wants to learn about the best sex, it is ON SALE this week. Just $10.99 for the paperback or $2.99 for Kindle. Grab a copy and get ready for summer.

And enjoy the fun ideas to take advantage of summer and create some memories.

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Undone Redone Podcast of Awakening Your Sex Life

I had the privilege to sit down and talk with Melody and Tray from Undone Redone last week and share a little bit about Awaken Love. They know first hand the pain of sexual addiction and the freedom of recovery. Tray and Melody started an amazing ministry to help both husbands and their spouses experience healing. But God wants us to move beyond purity to embrace His gift of sex. On this episode we talk about embracing God’s design for sex – even after an addiction.

You can listen to the podcast or watch the video on the Undone Redone podcast.

If you struggle with sexual addiction or have a spouse that struggles, please check out their resources at Undone Redone. Don’t wait to get help. God wants you to be whole.

 

Opportunities to Reclaim Territory

I often wear my Awaken Love shirt when I travel. I always think, how awesome would it be to have someone recognize me at an airport across the country. To stop me and say, “Thanks for what you are doing”. Though the internet provides challenges in safe guarding our families, it also provides opportunities to reclaim territory. The internet gives us access to people from local towns to foreign countries.

Several years ago I was vacationing with my family in McGregor, Minnesota, a tiny town of 350 people, enjoying our church camp. Midweek my husband and I drove into town to hit up the local market for a few dinner items.  I was halfway thru my shopping when an older gentlemen caught me from the side. He quietly said, ” I like your shirt. Keep doing what you are doing.” and then shuffled off to rejoin his wife.

To be honest, I hardly heard what he said, except that he liked my shirt. I had to ask my husband and when he told me, I still kept puzzling. “Are you sure he said, “keep doing what you’re doing?'” “Yes, I’m sure”, my husband replied.

I felt shocked.  Does he actually know about Awaken-Love? Is it possible that out in the middle of nowhere an older gentleman is following Awaken-Love in hopes of making his sex life better?

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Celebrate 7 Years of Awaken Love Ministry

Seven years ago, I started teaching Awaken Love. 8 dear friends came to my back porch to let me share my story of awakening to the power and importance of sex in marriage. 800 women later, I am still amazed at the transformation that happens in class. Another 700 women have been able to attend classes using videos. I am so encouraged by the women hosting video classes and sharing about Awaken Love.

This Year was a Whirl Wind

  • Finished writing, editing, formatting and designing my first book Awaken Love
  • Filmed, edited and launched a video for Engaged Couples
  • Filmed edited and launched the 6-week Men’s Edition videos and curriculum for husbands
  • Revamped Website to accommodate videos For Wives, Engaged Couples and Men’s Edition
  • Set Up regular posting on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest
  • Launched and sold over 1300 copies of my book Awaken Love in 8 months
  • Talked to girls in Kenya about sex
  • Over 20 Engagements Speaking About Sex to women’s and couples groups
  • Spoke to high school teens about sex for the first time

I am humbled that God is using me, encouraged by all that He is doing, and impatient for Him to do more. Many men and women still need to experience healing and freedom in their sexuality. Churches must learn to open up conversations about sex and create a safe place to bring brokenness to the light. Parents, grandparents and mentors must learn how to talk to kids about sex to change things for the next generation. I feel urgency, and hope you feel it too. But to be honest, I am also tired.

Rest in Him

Matt 11:28-30 says, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let met teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

Though God has burdened my heart for speaking His truth about sex, I must resist trying to do things on my own. If God wants doors to open, then I trust that He will open them. When I teach classes and hear stories of brokenness, I have to hand them over to God. They are not mine to try to fix or to carry. Rather than striving on my own, I must continually give Awaken Love back to God. The burden He gives me is light and I must rest in Him.

Praise God with me as we celebrate the anniversary of Awaken Love.

He is good and He is faithful.

Men’s Edition – A Great Resource to Improve Your Sex Life

Finally, a great place for husbands to get good information about sex.

Men’s Edition, an amazing resource to help Christian husbands create the intimate sex life they desire.

6 videos packed with insight that Ruth has gained from teaching hundreds of wives about sex. Ruth and her husband Jim will help you understand God’s design for sex, the challenges your wife faces in embracing freedom, the complexities of her body, and how to create more intimacy during sex. Though the videos can be viewed by yourself, we encourage you to find a group of guys to join you on this journey. One of the best ways to improve your sex life is to learn to talk about it.

Less than an hour long each, the videos provide discussion questions to help you process what you learn. If we want to take sex back from the world, then we must start talking about it. Taking the class with other husbands will also provide encouragement and accountability as you challenge each other to move beyond the status quo and try something new.

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Finding the Courage to Host Awaken Love

If you are afraid to host an Awaken Love sex class, trust me, I understand. When I had my first class, I felt terrified too. Who would I ask and how would I do it? Could I really talk about sex? What if something came up that I wasn’t equipped to handle? What if I said the wrong thing or didn’t have the answer? But as God continued to highlight the importance of figuring out sex to strengthen Christian marriages, I knew I had to do something. I finally decided that I wasn’t going to let Satan’s lies or fear keep me from making a difference. I was going to trust God.

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Talking with Other Women About Sex

A recent study about the impact of providing women with a safe place to talk about sex, confirmed the importance of community during Awaken-Love classes. Though I suspected the importance of sharing and processing with other women, until now, I didn’t have any real evidence.

The Study

In the study, small groups of women met once a week for four weeks. To encourage conversation the women agreed not to judge each other or give advice. Each week they answered a prompt like,“what kind of messages did you receive as a child around sexuality?” Or “how do you feel about your body or about masturbation.” These simple questions helped them process past experiences and become more self aware. After only four weeks,  women not only improved their feelings about themselves but they started making positive changes in their marriage.

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What’s New at Awaken Love for 2019

As we move into 2019, I cannot help but pause to thank God for what He has done at Awaken Love. Last year was a year of God’s provision and creating community.

2018

Last Spring God surprised me with funds to create more video classes. The Engaged Class launched to help couples understand God’s design for sex before marriage. Filled with practical tips, and discussion starters, opening up conversations about sex will help couples start off on the right foot

The Men’s Edition of Awaken Love was filmed in Dec and will launch in March.  Videos that parallel the women’s class, will help husbands understand their wives and move beyond just having sex to intimately connecting through sex.

My first book Awaken Love self published and already over 800 copies have sold. The book will act as a great entry point for those not ready to take a class, or as a follow up for those that want a refresher.

From the humble beginnings  with 8 close friends 7 years ago, over 1400 women and 200 men have participated in Awaken Love classes. Feedback continues to confirm the importance of community for growth and transformation.

2019

As I prayed about 2019, God gave me the word Disciple. I want to be a disciple of Christ, but I also want to be a disciple of Godly sexuality.  I don’t just want to help people discover God’s design for their sex life. I want to equip them to pass a healthy mindset about sex down to their kids or friends. As they enjoy an intimate sex life in their marriage, they can encourage others.

Along with focusing on Discipleship, I hope to…

  • Write a book about sex specifically to help men understand their wife.
  • Explore different models for Awaken Love classes – like large groups or online groups
  • Develop ways to equip and disciple women that want to teach or facilitate Awaken Love
  • Continue speaking to women, men, couples and even singles both locally and around the United States.

Final Thoughts

I love the community that is developing at Awaken Love. It is a place to come and learn. We encourage and support each other as we move towards God’s design for sex. Blogging will continue to help me process what happens in my personal life and in classes. This year I will update my Song of Songs posts, write about discipleship and sprinkle in respectful detailed posts about sex. I would also love to hear your ideas for topics.

But I also want to encourage you to go. To move beyond online discussions to minister to the people that you know face to face. Open up the topic of sex by hosting an Awaken Love video class. Invite me to come and speak at your moms group, or marriage ministry. Give a copy of my book to a friend or share about it on social media, or Amazon Reviews. Share with a friend about what you have learned or begin conversations with your kids. 

So this year, let’s move beyond ourselves. Let’s become disciples of Godly sexuality,  so that marriages all around us might be strengthened.

Building Community to Strengthen Your Marriage

In preparation for Christmas, my daughter wanted help making gifts in the wood shop. She wanted to make her dad a pizza paddle out of some cherry and walnut lumber. I have to be honest, I haven’t done much woodworking in the past 5 years, but it felt good and it was super fun to work with my daughter. She kept saying, “this wood feels so good” and “this is actually really relaxing.” Sometimes we need a little help getting back to the things that feed our soul. We need community.

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