Comments on the Blog – What the Heck

Recently I got the wind knocked out of my sails. Life is not always as it seems – especially on the internet or on the blog. Ministry has been going well with speaking engagements, Awaken Love classes, opportunities at a large church and a few podcasts. But I felt really excited about the  traffic and comments on my blog. After years of writing, engagement finally increased as I tried to write posts geared towards questions and comments on the blog.

Engagement on the Blog

With lots of comments from wives asking questions about a wife giving oral sex, I did not shy away from the topic. After all, God did create oral sex, and it can act as a very intimate way to connect in marriage. Respectful information might empower women to make the best choices based on their situation.

But last week, comments on the blog really took off. Women started sharing how they had tried swallowing for the first time and it felt amazing. Soon others women piped in with congratulations, encouragement, or their own experience. By the end of the weekend, at least 4 women commented about their first time. It all felt a little surreal, and maybe a little off, but it wasn’t something I hadn’t heard before.

Just a few weeks ago, a woman from an Awaken Love class had emailed me. After years of thinking things were good, her husband had expressed a desire that challenged her ideas. Though the situation required hard conversations, and courage to move outside her norm, she had finally done it and felt excited. Class had provided the impetus to consider new possibilities. Women from class often thank me and the comments from the blog didn’t feel that different.

Everything changed when I received an email about the blog from a friend. He said, “have you noticed the similarity in writing styles from the women commenting recently. I have a feeling it is the same person writing under different names…”

Distorting the Blog

I suddenly felt sick. Was it possible that someone had been toying with me? Using the blog to manipulate women by sharing made up stories.

I’ve never paid much attention to who commented, because I tend to give others the benefit of the doubt. I usually focus on moderating content that feels negative or too graphic. Suddenly I knew I needed to investigate about who was commenting.

As I started scrolling through the comments, evidence quickly piled up. One particular IP number attached to comments from Audrey, Julie, Michelle, Stephanie, Thomas, Laurie, Kim, Brittany, Erica, Audrey, Janelle, Crystal….. 124 comments, all connected to one IP address. And this doesn’t touch on other IP addresses this person may have used. For months, someone had been pretending to be other people in order to manipulate, coerce and create the narrative they wanted.

It felt icky.

I felt angry, sad, violated.

I thought the blog provided a safe place for people to share. Instead someone had created the conversation they wanted to hear from women. They had taken my calling to help others find freedom in their marriage bed and distorted it for their own gratification.

Though the blog is not the main part of my ministry, this abuse shook me to the core.

I am sorry that comments on my blog were misrepresented.

I want my website to be a safe place. Moving forward I will require emails connected to comments. I will also keep better track of IP addresses and block questionable ones to try and avoid a similar situation. And to the best of my ability, the blog comments from the suspect IP address will be deleted. But the reality is, I have little control of truth telling with comments on the blog.

People that comment, can say whatever they want. Nobody really knows the dynamics of their marriage. People can comment and  ask questions to gather artillery to convince their spouse to do what they want. They can steer discussion by sharing what supposedly is their personal experience.

Should people be given the benefit of the doubt? Should you listen to their advice?  Someone might even pretend to be hundreds of different people. Though the anonymity of blogs might provide a first step in looking for the truth about sex, they also provide plenty of opportunities to distort the truth. For me, blogs cannot compare to the transformation and growth that happens when people talk face to face.

Face to Face

There is a reason that I love Awaken Love classes. Sitting in a room of women, I don’t just interpret words on a screen, I hear from their heart. They are real people, with real challenges and struggles, but with the integrity to be honest and know. They have the courage to show up face to face to talk about sex. Unraveling the lies they’ve believed and talking about their baggage provides healing. Recognizing the many ways that silence informed their ideas about sex stirs them to change the world for others.

Though I will continue to write on the blog, hopefully with a greater awareness, my main focus has, and always will be encouraging people to take Awaken Love classes. When we open up the conversation of sex in healthy ways, then we begin to change the culture of sex. If my writing has meant anything to you, will you take the next step and host and Awaken Love class with some friends. God does His best work in community.

Have a Merry Christmas.

I plan on enjoying some time away from my computer. See you in January.

Husbands – Do You Want a Better Sex Life?

Many husbands are under the perception that if their wife just fixed her issues with sex, their problems would disappear. But marriage is a two-way street. Both husbands and wives have things to learn in order to create intimacy. If you want a better sex life,  will you invest just $10 to take Awaken Love Men’s Edition and learn how to love your wife better? Discover just how intimate your marriage can be!!

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Why Do Women Host an Awaken Love Video Class

Rarely do women sign up to host an Awaken Love video class by finding my website. Without a personal recommendation from a trusted friend, they can’t imagine taking the chance.  Much safer to just stay with the status quo, or work on things quietly by reading blogs or listening to podcasts. But every once in a while, someone from the website has the courage to host a video class.

Recently I received this powerful testimony…

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Invite me to Speak about Sex – a New Perspective

Men and women hunger for a new perspective about sex. After years of silence from our families or the church, we know things need to change. Couples need to understand God’s intent for sex, have a safe place to seek help or healing and receive compassion for their struggle. This year I had the privilege to speak to over a dozen different groups about sex and it was an amazing experience. I love to watch the defenses fall away as men and women realize I do not offer the same old messages. Invite me to speak about sex and you will hear a new perspective.

For instance, you will never hear me say to wives, “Your husband needs sex”. I won’t even encourage husbands to,  “help your wife more around the house”. We’ve already heard those messages plenty of times. In a world that has completely distorted sex, we don’t just need a band aid. We need a new mindset. (more…)

Hear a new perspective about sex

Authentic Intimacy – A Great Resource and Podcast

I have always respected Juli Slattery’s ministry Authentic Intimacy. She is a trailblazer in all areas of Christian sexuality – from marriage, to singleness to navigating issues like LGBTQ. In the past I’ve written about her book Rethinking Sexuality, but she offers many valuable resources –  books, webinars, podcasts and conferences. This year I had the honor of sharing  about my story and Awaken Love on her Java with Juli podcast. 

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Cultivating a Soil that Receives God’s Truth About Sex

When I read The Bible, I constantly filter everything through the ministry that I do with Awaken Love. Though I know the bible exists to help us know God, it also holds many truths for living out our faith and our calling. In Matthew 13, Jesus tells the parable of the farmer that scattered the seed. Jesus is helping the disciples learn that not everything is in their control when they tell others about Jesus. Some will receive Him, and some won’t, depending on the kind of soil.  I find the parable helpful as I follow my calling of helping others embrace God’s truth about sex. Some soil is hard, some is rocky, some is filled with thorns and some soil is fertile. All I am responsible for is speaking God’s truth.

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Understand God’s Intention About Sex

I have met all kinds women in Awaken-Love classes. Many have healthy marriages, but just as many have real struggles.  Some women hate sex or have a husband dealing with porn. Every once in a while, a woman in the midst of real crisis attends. An affair or porn has devastated her marriage, and she and her husband are trying to rebuild. Though the road is not easy, they inherently understand that embracing God’s gift of sex is part of the answer to create the intimate marriage they desire. Regardless of where women are, what they’ve been told, or what they’ve experienced – even if they are separated and their marriage might not survive – they need to understand God’s intention for sex.

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3 Ways to Embrace Godly Sexual Passion

Seven years ago when I had my awakening, one of the Christian Sex Bloggers that I stumbled upon was Julie Sibert from IntimacyinMarriage.com. She writes with wit and a don’t beat around the bush attitude. Julie has a ton of wisdom and experience helping others in their sex life and today I am honored to have Julie guest post. Enjoy!

I didn’t always have a good grasp on godly sexual passion. Fortunately, I learned! And along the way, I have encouraged others. Maybe that’s why you’ve landed at this blog post today. You want more godly sexual passion in your marriage and you’re curious what it will take to experience that.

Here are 3 ways to get there… 

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Fun Ideas to Make Your Summer Sizzle

I can’t wait for summer! Long days of lazy sun. Fishing off the dock. Hot steamy nights with my husband. And reading a great book on sex at the beach. If you haven’t read Awaken Love or have a friend that wants to learn about the best sex, grab a copy and get ready for summer.

And enjoy the fun ideas to take advantage of summer and create some memories.

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Undone Redone Podcast of Awakening Your Sex Life

I had the privilege to sit down and talk with Melody and Tray from Undone Redone last week and share a little bit about Awaken Love. They know first hand the pain of sexual addiction and the freedom of recovery. Tray and Melody started an amazing ministry to help both husbands and their spouses experience healing. But God wants us to move beyond purity to embrace His gift of sex. On this episode we talk about embracing God’s design for sex – even after an addiction.

You can listen to the podcast or watch the video on the Undone Redone podcast.

If you struggle with sexual addiction or have a spouse that struggles, please check out their resources at Undone Redone. Don’t wait to get help. God wants you to be whole.