Creating Intimacy will Cause You to Depend on God

Working on my sex life has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. Creating real intimacy, where I let my husband really know me, has caused me to depend on God.

I remember one night in particular about 6 years ago, when I felt frustrated with our lack of connection. As my husband snored, I lay awake tossing and turning, and finally dragged myself out of bed. I slipped on my coat, pulled my boots up, and went out to shovel the foot of fluffy white snow blanketing our driveway. As I blew off steam, my head replayed over and over the events that evening. Shoveling brought release, and the beauty of the snow softened my heart until I suddenly realized I was singing worship songs. And in an instant, a light bulb went off in my head.

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What Wine Can Teach Us About Enjoying Sex

Women in class commonly share that wine helps them get in the mood for sex.  A little wine helps them to not only relax  and let go of the stress and worries, but it helps them feel less inhibited. These women know that the best sex happens when they let loose. But is it possible that we could learn to relax, feel sensuous, and express ourselves, even without a glass of wine to help? Maybe God wants to use sex to teach us about life.

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Talking About Sex in the Church

The church is long overdue in opening up conversations surrounding sex. We need to talk about the importance of creating a great sex life in marriage. But equally important, we need to help singles navigate a world saturated in porn and hook up sex. We also need to answer questions about raising kids in a world where LGBT fills the news. The church can no longer remain silent while the world continues to scream at us about sex. We have to start talking about sex in the  church.

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God’s Design for Equal Roles in the Marriage Bed

I write all the time about how God created sex for wives as much husbands. In Song of Songs, the beloved and the lover play equal roles in the marriage bed. Just having sex for the sake of your husband is not what God intended, and definitely not what your husband yearns for. But God’s plans for equal roles is not just about equality, I believe God has a plan for us. God wants husbands and wives to play equal roles in the marriage bed because we both have something to bring to the table. 

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Is Sex an Amazing Connecting Experience?

When I spoke at a moms group the other day, a few women lingered to ask questions.  After beating around the bush, one of the women finally had the courage to get to the crux of her situation.“You talk about how sex is supposed to be this amazing connecting experience. But honestly, I don’t really feel connected afterwards at all. Sex just seems so mechanical and not intimate.”

I suspect many women relate to what she expressed. Sex with our husband can feel mechanical. The constant movement of our husband can almost make us feel dizzy. Instead of feeling more, we feel less. We can seem like two separate people going through the motions striving to get to the finish line. Even if we experience pleasure or orgasm, we don’t necessarily feel connected to our husband afterwards.

Physical response does not equate to connection. We can fantasize our way to orgasm while in two completely different worlds. Or we could simply over ride the lack of connection with an intensity of physical stimulation. A loving husband distracted by thoughts of what to do next or his own performance can even be completely clueless to his wife’s discomfort. Orgasm without intimacy can feel empty and lonely.

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Beyond Purity – Living with Sexual Integrity

Our world has drastically changed in the last 30 years. The internet provides endless knowledge, opinions and images – both positive and negative. Definitions for marriage and sexuality continue to morph as culture changes. We live in a fast-paced world constantly bombarded with sexual messages. And most churches have failed to respond to the challenges and real questions that people face.  Rather than focusing on sexual purity we need to strive to equip people to live with sexual integrity, no matter our age or marital status. God creates us as sexual beings from the day we were born until the day we die. Rather than a sprint for purity that we win or lose, we must strive to live with sexual integrity every day of our life.

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God Sized Dreams for 2018

On New Year’s Eve I sat down with my pen and notebook to think about the coming year.  What do I want to accomplish in 2018? Underneath the heading “Goals for 2018” I wrote things like

  • Finish book – edit, create diagrams and illustrations, come up with a cover
  • Ask other bloggers to promote video class – ask to guest post or do interviews
  • Sell Awaken-Love T-shirts – set up online store
  • Work on Men’s curriculum
  • Create new promo card for video classes

These are all good goals, but honestly, they are all things I can do on my own. If I just put my nose to the grindstone, I can make them happen. And I realized, that I don’t just want Ruth sized goals. I want God sized dreams. I want to ask God for things that I could not begin to do on my own, that I can’t even imagine, things that only He can accomplish. So, I started over with a new list and this is what I am asking God for in the coming year.

Hopes and Dreams for 2018

  • Fill my writing, speaking and teaching with a passion that comes from You
  • Give me a renewed freedom in worshipping you and in praying over others
  • Give me a focus, direction and conviction that only comes from You
  • Keep my heart soft and break my heart for the broken
  • Fill me with boldness and courage to ask for opportunities far beyond myself
  • Bless me with laughter, adventure and wonder
  • Help me to create community through the Awaken-Love blog that will lead to growth, healing and restoration
  • Help me to care for and nurture the Awaken-Love teachers and facilitators.

As you sit down to think about the coming year, don’t settle for goals you can accomplish on your own. Dream big.

What do you really want that only God can do?

How do you want God to change you?

My Prayer for the Upcoming Year

God spoke to me this week through Psalm 95:8  

The Lord says, “Don’t harden your hearts as Israel did at Meribah, as they did at Massah in the wilderness.”

God made it very plain to me that my heart has become hard – cynical, calloused and missing out on His wonder. It has been a long hard year and I feel like I am finally starting to feel the winds of change. I don’t know if you can relate to this or not, but I am ready for God to do a work. So if you want, join me in asking…

 

Oh God, soften my heart.

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Invite God into Your Marriage Bed

During Awaken-Love class we often talk about how to bring God into our marriage bed. The huge divide between our spirituality and our sexuality leaves us feeling like sex is somehow wrong. When women invite God into their marriage bed, they experience a renewed sense of freedom but sometimes they don’t  realize all the amazing benefits. 

Today, Abbey who recently joined the Awaken-Love teaching team, will share how inviting God into their marriage bed profoundly impacted both her and her husband.


Awaken Love taught my husband and me many things. Most importantly it taught us to invite God into our marriage bed.

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Slow Steady Steps of Growth

Growth sometimes happens in an instant like a light bulb flipping on to illuminate God’s truth. More often, growth happens through the slow steady steps of obedience as we trudge along making daily decisions. Often we know where God wants us to go, but it seems so far away. We have no idea how to get there. So, God gives us a small step that points us in the right direction. For a time, we ignore Him or procrastinate, but eventually we muster our courage. Moving in any direction feels better than standing still.

This weekend I took a small step…

I asked the Twin Cities Covenant Women’s Retreat if I could offer a breakout session on sex. I’ve spoken to women many times over the last 5 years but I’ve never asked to speak. People invite me  because they’ve taken an Awaken-Love class or someone told them about me. I have been too afraid to ask  if I could share about sex.

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