Invite God into Your Marriage Bed

During Awaken-Love class we often talk about how to bring God into our marriage bed. The huge divide between our spirituality and our sexuality leaves us feeling like sex is somehow wrong. When women invite God into their marriage bed, they experience a renewed sense of freedom but sometimes they don’t  realize all the amazing benefits. 

Today, Abbey who recently joined the Awaken-Love teaching team, will share how inviting God into their marriage bed profoundly impacted both her and her husband.

Awaken Love taught my husband and me many things. Most importantly it taught us to invite God into our marriage bed.


Slow Steady Steps of Growth

Growth sometimes happens in an instant like a light bulb flipping on to illuminate God’s truth. More often, growth happens through the slow steady steps of obedience as we trudge along making daily decisions. Often we know where God wants us to go, but it seems so far away. We have no idea how to get there. So, God gives us a small step that points us in the right direction. For a time, we ignore Him or procrastinate, but eventually we muster our courage. Moving in any direction feels better than standing still.

God constantly calls me to take a small step…

One time he called me to ask the Twin Cities Covenant Women’s Retreat if I could offer a breakout session on sex. I’ve spoken to women many times, but I’ve never asked to speak. People invite me  because they’ve taken an Awaken-Love class or someone told them about me. I have been too afraid to ask  if I could share about sex.


A Window into Intimacy

 Intimacy is always about our relationship with God – it is a mirror

When I started really wrestling with what God wants for me and my marriage bed, this verse rocked my world.

Ephesians 5:31-32 –For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.

Becoming One in marriage is a picture of intimacy with Christ.

Intimacy in Marriage

This verse gave me a frame work to start measuring what I believed about sex. I began comparing all of my ideas about sex, against my relationship with God, and it turned a lot of things up side down. I soon realized, just because something is our natural tendency, doesn’t mean that’s how God wants things to stay. He wants us to stretch and grow and that takes trusting him. I’ve written a bunch or articles based on this concept in the Mirror of Intimacy Category but a couple of ideas that immediately come to mind are…


Start Talking About Sex

We can learn to talk about sex in good and healthy ways to equip and encourage others

One of the lies that profoundly impacts Christians about sex is that we cannot talk about it. We have grown up with sex clothed in silence while the world screams lies at the top of their lungs. The more I understand about women’s struggles, pornography and the culture our kids are navigating, the more I understand the importance of learning to talk about sex.


Sex – Much More Than Intercourse

Sex is much more than intercourse – it is seeing each other naked and unashamed, it is joining two into one and it is a holy communion with God

Song of Songs is filled with every delight imaginable. They connect through the smell of each other’s bodies. Words spoken create excitement and passion calling for release. Mouths taste sweetness that drip with honey and kisses taste sweeter than wine. Eyes enjoy the pleasure of God’s creation dancing for their delight. Arms hold and caress and summon, “Come with me”. This couple uses every sense that God gave them to enjoy their lover.

We need to open up our definition of what sex is beyond “Penis in Vagina” intercourse. God gave us amazing freedom to enjoy in marriage. Is it possible that when we are beyond physical exhaustion, just laying skin to skin, provides the refreshment we need? Are we missing out on what God has for us because we limit what we can enjoy? Even as we age and our bodies change, can we step into discovering something new that provides intimate connection?

But sex goes even beyond physical connection, because somehow intimacy with our spouse teaches us about God. Surrendering, trusting, letting go – isn’t that what God wants from us? Is there something Holy that happens when we surrender – even for a moment. Does sex glorify God as we step into intimacy? Do we somehow meet Him there?

Sex is more than intercourse. Most of us know it in our heads, but do you know it in our heart and our soul?

Marriage is Not Supposed to Get Boring

God wants us to experience so much more – marriage is not supposed to get boring.

It is a lie from Satan that marriage is supposed to get boring. He tricks us into settling and believing this just happens to marriage. We give up, get busy, stop intimately connecting and settle for boring or non-existent sex.

Proverbs 5:18 -19 says, Rejoice in the wife of your youth… Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated be her love.

God gave us sex to keep marriage vibrant.

When my husband and I retreat together to our marriage bed, our world opens up to wonder. We experience deep intimacy that get sweeter and sweeter. Side by side we discover things about each other that no one else knows. Sometimes we laugh and play while other times my husband holds me in sweet embraces that feed my soul. Working on our sex life has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It has required that I allow myself to feel and share from the core of my being, but it has been so worth it. Sex changed my marriage and it forced us to dig deep, become dependent on God, and discover more of His goodness.

A great marriage and sex life does not just happen.

Satan will do everything he can to divide your marriage and one of his most powerful weapons is to distort sex. If you want to have a great marriage, then do the hard work of figuring out what God wants for your sex life. Go after it, trusting God, giving your spouse the benefit of the doubt and taking small steps toward freedom. Be intentional to spend time together, create a safe environment to be known, save energy for each other, and bring God into your marriage bed.


God Desires Freedom

God desires freedom in our marriage bed, but we must deal with the lies, baggage and body image issues that steal our joy. We have to take a hard look at ourselves and question why our ideas of sex don’t line up with God’s design. What lies have we believed? What past experiences still impact our marriage bed? How has culture or others impacted how I view myself?


Sex Must Be Measured Against God’s Design

I’ve read a ton of books filled with different opinions about sex, but the only way I can tell what is good and right, is to measure everything against God’s design. God created sex to get to know each other, to comfort one another, to pleasure and refresh each other, and to make the two of you into one.

Getting to Know Each Other

Are you on a journey of getting to know each other – not just physically, but emotional and spiritually? Have you brought other things into your marriage bed, or is it just the two of you? Are you present during sex – mind, body and soul – or is your mind filled with worry, anxiety or pictures of others? Have you settled into a routine or are you still learning new things? Begin a journey of getting to know each other.

Comfort and Refreshment

Does sex comfort and refresh you or does it feel like one more thing to suck the life out of you? God never intended that sex become a duty. What lie have you believed about sex or about your spouse? Are you serving each other or is sex about what you can take for yourself. Sex is supposed to be this amazing gift that refreshes us and refreshes our spouse.


Is sex pleasurable for both or you? Women’s bodies are very different then men’s but they are capable of experiencing as much pleasure as a man. Educate yourself and discover what works for both of you. Become a lifelong learner that asks and wants to learn more. Communicate freely about your needs and allow yourself to enter into freedom.

God gave us sex to strengthen marriages but we need understand God’s design for sex and we need to live it.

Sex is a Powerful Gift from God – It is unexplainable

Sex is a powerful gift from God that connects us in ways that are unexplainable.

I don’t understand how it happens, but sex connects me to my husband in ways that are unexplainable.  When words don’t work and we can’t seem to get on the same page, sex softens us. When busyness takes over our life, sex reconnects us faster than anything else. After sex, I feel like I can hear my husband better and understand his heart. I can’t put words to what sex does, but it changes things.

When my husband and I had 4 young kids I would often shrug off his advances because I was so tired. Sometimes he would lovingly hold me as we drifted off to sleep. Other times, my husband would patiently bring me along by rubbing my back or gently tickling my skin. As I softened and my defenses weakened he would pleasure me and we would make love. I remember vividly thinking afterward, “I so needed that.”

Is it possible that when sex is totally off our radar, that is when we need sex the most? Is it possible when your husband reaches for you, he doesn’t just need a release, but he is tapping into God’s power to reconnect you through sex. Is it possible that that sex says things that words cannot.

God gave us the powerful gift of sex to connect us even when we don’t know how to reconnect on our own.

God Created Sex for Wives as Much as Husbands

Far too many of us have bought into the lie that sex is for our husband.

We don’t have a drive like our husband, or our body doesn’t respond as easily as his, or we believe messages from the church that we need to do this for our husband – and we just settle. Sex becomes a duty, another item on our to do list that drains our energy, and we miss out.

God created sex for wives as much as for husbands.