Many couples use vibrators to help a wife orgasm. Though I am not going to debate whether they are a good idea in your marriage, the fact remains, women use vibrators because they work. They provide stimulation that helps women orgasm on a consistent basis. So what can we learn about the needs of women from the way that a vibrator works?

Vibrators Stimulate without Adding Friction

The tissue around a woman’s vulva is so sensitive that most women cannot handle extended friction without getting darn right sore. Beyond making sure that hands are soft, clean and free of rough spots, good lubrication is a must. Once you move beyond the feathery, teasing touches, movement on the vulva should feel silky smooth and connected. Your finger tips should never lose contact with her skin because every on and off movement can feel like a disruption.

But if you really want to reduce friction, think about moving with the skin, instead of across the skin. To practice what I am talking about, place the finger pads from your right hand on the back of your left hand. While keeping the finger pads flat and attached to the skin on your left hand, slowly move your fingers with the skin. You can move in circles, or back and forth across the tendons. While completely eliminating friction and maintaining connection you can create a whole variety of affects.

Small Pulses Work Wonders

The small pulses that vibrators create pack a powerful wallop for many women, all without creating friction that can irritate sensitive skin. Rather than always moving around, maybe you need to try a little Morse Code. You could try randomly located slow taps, with time between to resonate. Almost like you are teasing her clitoris with just the ripples from a wave in the distance. Or, try finding a sweet spot to create a rhythm that becomes more and more focused and patiently lingers while loving her other ways. Think about how a vibrator rests on her skin and moves just the smallest amount. Leave your finger on her skin and try just a small wiggle or quiver.

The Importance of Steady Rhythms

Vibrators use a steady rhythm, they don’t just go willy-nilly. A woman finds a speed she likes and she sticks with it. She might like a slow pulse, fast pulse, or even a pulse that accelerates, but the pattern repeats over and over and over. It gives her body time to get in sync and just relax into it.

If you are going to stay steady, then you had better find a comfortable way to support your wrist and hand. Anchor your palm on her mound and relax so that you can easily move just your fingers to create a simple movement for extended periods of time. You can change things up for a bit by using long stroking movements to loosen her up, and then return to your steady rhythm.

Vibrators have Multiple Settings

Most vibrators have multiple settings. If one thing doesn’t work, then she can just try something else. Just like a vibrator has different options, you need to have different options. Your wife constantly changes and what worked last night may not work tonight. Create a variety of plays by constantly trying new things.

Vibrators don’t Get Upset

Women can change the setting on their vibrator without worrying about hurting its feelings. Women don’t choose to have a finicky body – that is just how God created them. When a husband acts hurt or upset because we had to ask for something else, then we stop asking. When a husband rolls with the punches and easily adapts, then we can stop feeling guilty. The steadier a husband remains in his desire to please his wife by whatever works, the more a wife can relax and let go.

Final Thoughts

Whether or not you use vibrators in your marriage, there are things we can learn from them. Though every wife’s body is different and a bit of a mystery, some of these ideas might help. Reduce friction to protect your wife’s skin by using lube but also by the type of movement. Explore using pulses or quivers to create stimulation. Maintain steady rhythms and give her body time to lean into the pleasure. Continue to get to know her and discover different modes or actions that your wife likes. Most importantly, don’t get upset when she adjusts your hand or asks for something else.

Most women understand how critical the moments are just before orgasm. In an instant we can go from being “right there”, to “dang it, what happened!”  When we have to, we can learn to roll with the punches and circle around to take another run at it. But when husbands understand the critical moments before orgasm, they can increase the odds their wife finishes the first round.

The easiest way for a husband to tune into the ways his wife’s body is during during manual or oral stimulation. So though the principles translate to intercourse, our discussion will be in terms of manual or oral stimulation.

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Husbands want their wife to enjoy sex as much as they do. But if a wife has never experienced orgasm, she may not even know what she is missing. If she has never tasted the most delicious chocolate cake in the world, she may not think it’s that big a deal. Or may just start to believe it’s not possible. When things don’t naturally fall into place, a husband can feel confused, discouraged and lost. With silence surrounding the topic of sex, couples just stay stuck. Instead of looking for answers, they settle. But husbands can play a key role in helping a wife figure out how to orgasm.

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