3 Ways to Embrace Godly Sexual Passion

Seven years ago when I had my awakening, one of the Christian Sex Bloggers that I stumbled upon was Julie Sibert from IntimacyinMarriage.com. She writes with wit and a don’t beat around the bush attitude. Julie has a ton of wisdom and experience helping others in their sex life and today I am honored to have Julie guest post. Enjoy!

I didn’t always have a good grasp on godly sexual passion. Fortunately, I learned! And along the way, I have encouraged others. Maybe that’s why you’ve landed at this blog post today. You want more godly sexual passion in your marriage and you’re curious what it will take to experience that.

Here are 3 ways to get there… 

  1. Agree with God about Sex

If we listed all the things that sabotage authentic sexual intimacy in a marriage, we’d be here awhile. The good news, though, is that no matter the particular sexual struggle you and your spouse are facing, God wants to speak into it.

Are you as a couple ready to agree with God about sexual passion and, in some cases, restoration and healing? Are you committed to trusting what God says about His gift of sex in marriage? I’m not saying this is easy, especially if grabbing hold of God’s vision of sex goes against all that you have thought about sex to this point. But it’s worth it to align your perspectives with the Author of sexual intimacy. When you do, that’s when positive transformation can take root.

When we explore His Word, we begin to understand He intentionally created sex to be a holy and erotic path to oneness. He didn’t come up with sex as an afterthought. Arousal, orgasm and sexual oneness are all evidence of His intentional design. And God has given a husband and wife tremendous sexual freedom within the exclusivity of their relationship.

The question becomes, “Do you agree with Him?”

If you want to embrace godly sexual passion, a great place to start is by agreeing with what God says about sex.

  1. Let Go of Hollywood’s Depiction of Romance

Who among us doesn’t love a romantic movie? So many women especially are drawn to how romance and sex are portrayed in mainstream movies.

Sex in movies is all so natural and easy. The lighting is always spot on. The kisses and touches look flawless. The pillows are magically in the right place before, during and after the encounter. Off-the-charts pleasure seems a sure thing. And no one ever has bad breath or gets a leg cramp.

It’s no wonder those romantic scenes pull us in!

So then when we experience real sex in real marriage, we can become discouraged that it isn’t quite as flawless as what Hollywood has served up. It’s messier. More awkward. And requires way more actual communication and a lot less assumption.

But you know what? Real sex is better than movie sex, because it’s actual sex. We seem to forget that all that passion depicted on the screen is fabricated. Scripted. It’s not two people making love. It’s two people pretending to make love.

You don’t want pretend sex. You want real sex. As a husband and wife, you can discover the touches and techniques that bring incredible pleasure and oneness, and many of those touches and techniques you will never see in a mainstream romantic movie.

Embrace godly sexual passion by letting go of the fabricated romance depicted in movies.

  1. Keep Learning How to Nurture Great Sexual Intimacy

Even those of us who speak and write about sex are still learning about sex and how to nurture it in our own marriages. My husband and I are not the same people we were when we married. And that would be true no matter how long two people have been married.

Sure, your core values likely don’t change, but we all are constantly growing in our experiences and knowledge. And as we age, our bodies change as well, and we may encounter health challenges. The upside, of course, as we age, we often start being more intentional about health and becoming more sexually confident.

If you want to embrace godly sexual passion, never stop learning how to nurture great sexual intimacy. It’s a fabulous time to be a Christian hungry for resources on sexual intimacy. There are so many Christian books, counselors, websites, and programs on intimacy, and much of the information is free or reasonably priced.

On my site, you can get a free guide on passionate sex God’s way at this link.

And if you’re interested in a deeper dive, I just released a program called Better Sex in Your Marriage.  I’m taking only 100 couples in this initial offering, which has some awesome BONUSES for those 100 couples. Maybe you would like to be one of them. Find out if the offer is a good fit for your marriage at this link.

Regardless of what you do, I simply encourage you to do something. If you are ready to embrace godly sexual passion, there’s no better time than now to move in that direction!

Julie Sibert speaks and writes out of her own journey about sexual intimacy in marriage. You can follow her blog at www.IntimacyInMarriage.com. She lives in Nebraska with her husband, two sons and a rambunctious dog named Stella who is trying to destroy the yard.

 

Model of a Great Marriage

People in my life modeled what great marriages looked like. I don’t think any of them actually talked to me about marriage. They simply lived it. From the time I was a small child, my eyes and my heart noticed couples that still had that spark. Some were relatives, some friends and others just acquaintances that I watched from afar. Regardless of whether your family has long standing marriages, you were raised by single parents, or you grew up in really challenging situation, we all need models of great marriages to both inspire us and to educate us.

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Get in the Game – Play Offense Not Defense

Far too many of us spend our lives constantly playing defense. We react to problems as they arise, focusing our time and energy because we must. We do what we have to do to salvage a relationship, get along and just survive. We put out the fires when and where they ignite. And we assume that if an issue doesn’t surface than we’re good. But what would happen, if instead of always playing defense, we played offense in marriage?

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Learn to Speak Your Spouse’s Language

My greatest desire is to connect emotionally with my husband. Over the past few years as my relationship with God has strengthened, I have started opening up so much more with Jim. At night I lay on my husband’s chest and pour my soul out to him. I share my insecurities, struggles with God, my hopes and my dreams and it has been amazing. The problem is that I don’t want my husband just to listen to me. I want him to emotionally connect with me too. I want him to become an equal partner.

Our Greatest Struggle

Connecting emotionally has become our greatest marital struggle. It is the crazy cycle that we enter over and over. Usually it goes something like this…

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Inside Your Circle – Working on Yourself.

ReEngage

The best thing Jim and I have done recently to strengthen our marriage was to attend a 16-week marriage ministry called ReEngage. We have since become leaders and taken multiple groups through. Every time we learn something new about ourselves and about each other. ReEngage uses a small group model to create a safe community where we can be honest, authentic, and real. We spend 8 weeks working on our relationship with God and 8 weeks learning about aspects of marriage. Alongside our spouse and 5 other couples, we dive deep into working on ourselves.

The Circle

One of the most powerful things we teach in ReEngage is to draw a circle around yourself and then to work on everyone that is inside the circle. Really staying in your circle is just a practical principal that empowers us to stop trying to change our spouse. Though it sounds like a simple thing, it is much harder to practice. Learning to stay in your circle will change your marriage, your parenting and even how you foster deep friendships.

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The Joy of Sharing Life

My husband and I are very different. We have different tastes, passions, and even things that we love during sex. As I have matured, I am learning the joy of sharing life. I find pleasure in  seeing delight in my husband’s eyes. I don’t try to convince myself to fall in love with something just so we can have common interests. I have fallen in love with seeing my husband’s love of life.

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A Slight Detour – And Finding Fun

Last week my husband and I took an unexpected detour. In the past, before I had learned how little control I have over life, I might have been upset at my husband when our plans changed. But I have grown to realize we have little control and when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

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Trust – An Essential Ingredient to Great Sex

Trust seems like such a basic  ingredient for a great sex life and yet I am just starting to understand the depth of importance. Though basic trust in a marriage feels very similar for men and women, the challenges men and women face during sex vary drastically. The first step to create trust is an awareness and empathy for each other’s struggles. I want to share some specific ways that wives and husbands needs vary in regards to trust.

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Happy Thanksgiving

Today I gather with my husband Jim and my daughters to give thanks. We will cook recipes passed down from my mother and recipes my daughters have introduced to our table. The kitchen will be filled with chopping, girls laughing, debating the rights of women and trying to solve the most basic human rights of accessible housing and medical care. Jim will stroll through on his way to the basement. Instructed to cobble together a candle holder or centerpiece base required for the festivities, he’ll pause to smile at his girls.

After the pie has settled and the dishes are washed, I am ready to put my feet up. A game, a movie or scouring the adds in preparation for shopping. Whatever we do, we will do it together. Eventually Jim and I will excuse ourselves and head up for bed. Laying in his arms we will talk, and pray and eventually our bodies will warm up to each other.

Friday morning with no real purchase in mind, we’ll look for quirky, unusual items only found at places like Menards or Fleet Farm. Jim will lead the charge with a stop for coffee and donuts and we will all pile out to partake. My greatest pleasure will be to watch Jim laugh with his girls.

Life keeps marching on. My babies are not babies any more. Jim’s boyish looks have been tamed by the pepper in his hair. I can feel the arthritis in my hip and wrinkles in my face.  Life keeps marching on and so today I thank God for today. Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today. God is right beside you. He will guide you and guard you. God has given us a pleasant land.

Happy Thanksgiving

Psalm 16:5-8 (NLT)

Lord, you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing.
    You guard all that is mine.
The land you have given me is a pleasant land.
    What a wonderful inheritance!

I will bless the Lord who guides me;
    even at night my heart instructs me.
I know the Lord is always with me.
    I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.

Barriers to Having Great Sex

Things exist that create barriers to having a great sex life. Sometimes they impact our mindset and other times they steal our energy. Sometime we need to change them for ourselves and other times we need to be part of the solution for others.

I want to share the barriers to having a great sex life  that I have recognized in my own life and inspire you to identify your own barriers. We need to get on the offensive to proactively battle our barriers in order to claim God’s good gift of sex.

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