How Do You Love Your Spouse?

The word “love” is tricky, isn’t it?  I love my husband.  I also love tacos.  And I love it when I see God in the details of my life. But really, I don’t love tacos as much as, or even in the same way that, I love my husband.  I don’t even love my kids the same way that I love my husband!

Just like some other great ideas – such as democracy, the Olympics and marathons – the Greeks also had a good handle on defining love. They had multiple words for love that helped clearly communicate the emotion or commitment being expressed.  Here are some simplified definitions:


Sensuous Shadows

Ruth and I are members of The Christian Marriage Bloggers Association, and this month we have been challenged to write a post based on this fun photo by Kate Aldrich Photography of the One Flesh Marriage blog.

As soon as I saw the picture, this memory popped into my head.

Quite a long time ago, my husband, sons and I spent the evening in a hotel while traveling. The room was set up where the bathroom sink area opened to the room. As a result, I hung a bed sheet between the sleeping area and the sink so that I could discreetly shower while my sons were sleeping.

This seemed to be an ordinary experience. I showered, dried off and applied everything needed to regain the precious hydration equilibrium that my senses demand. In contrast, it was an out of the ordinary experience for my husband. It never occurred to me that the bathroom light behind the bed sheet created a perfect shadow show for my husband who was resting in the second bed.  Despite my surprise, it worked out well – I was clean and I had a happy husband.

Shadows offer you a softened glimpse of whatever is blocking the light. They can create a mystique – exaggerating shapes and dimensions. They can be sensuous – creating just enough of a covering that we stretch outside of our comfort zone. Often our husbands are just as aroused by what they can almost see than what they can clearly see. I challenge you to creatively think about how you can use shadows to entice your husband.


What’s underneath counts

bras-and-underwear-247x300I’ve been spending quite a bit of time down in my basement lately working on a couple of woodworking jobs that I picked up. I have to be honest, it’s not pretty.  When I’m dressed to work, usually it’s old tennis shoes, a pair of paint covered over sized jeans so that I can bend over without the moon coming out, an old long sleeved work t-shirt and a disgusting woodworking smock on top. Sexy is the last thing that I feel.

Our clothes affect how we feel. They can give us the vibe of feeling hot and somehow it leads us to think about sex a little more during the day. Clothes that feel good on our skin, can make us more aware of touch and just how good it feels to be touched. Colors can set the mood. How many of us have a little black dress? Black is sexy, our husbands know it. It is their number one color for us to wear in lingerie.

So what do I do on those days when practicality calls for me to wear something less that desirable? I make sure I have on underwear that makes me feel sexy. Sexy starts with what we know about ourselves and not what  anyone else can see. It flows from the inside out. In “The Good Girl’s guide to Bad Girl Sex”, one of the first exercises she assigns, is to ruthlessly go through your underwear drawer and get rid of all your old rags. You know the ones I’m talking about; the stained ones, the battered ones, the ones left over from when you were pregnant. Clear it out. Don’t keep any of it unless you would want to be wearing it when the sexiest man alive (hopefully your husband) seductively undresses you. Then go get somethings that makes you feel great. Things that feel good next to your skin, that show your curves, and that look beautiful.


Opportunity Knocks

opportunity-knocksSometimes I wonder where my day goes. Life is a whirlwind of church, kids, bills, laundry, cooking and work. It is very easy to feel overwhelmed and pretty soon,  I can feel like I am not running my life, but it is running me.  On March 14th from 7-9 pm at Plymouth Covenant Church, Tiffany Felty will teach a class called Opportunity Knocks, and I would encourage you to attend. She will talk about how we can intentionally make time to connect as a couple, as well as how to grab those moments that are not planned, but can make all the difference.

I also want to share a short article that a friend shared with me about marriage and this topic at

I am convinced that how we greet each other can have a huge impact on the attitude that fills the house for the rest of the night. How your husband is greeted can either tell him, “why aren’t you doing more to help, it’s me against you”, or “I am so glad you are home. We are in this together.”  This week’s mission is to greet your husband so that he knows, “I am so glad you are home. We are in this together.”  What does that mean in practical terms? Eye contact, connecting physically in some way, relaxing into each other, and focus yourself on him. See if it makes a difference.

A real valentine gift for both of you

candle-light-heartI came upon a wonderful idea for valentines day that I absolutely love from One Flesh Marriage. It’s called the” 10 day challenge” and quite simply from Feb 4th – Feb 14th have sex every day. Yes that is what I said, have sex every day for 10 days. Over at  One Flesh Marriage they list 10 reasons why you should take the challenge. Some of my favorite reasons are to stretch your creativity, to just spend time together, to  get past the “I’m too tired excuse” and to create a new norm and see what all that sex will do to your whole relationship.

Please consider joining me for the 10 day challenge, as we celebrate valentines.

It Begins with a Kiss

Song of Songs 1:2 Let him smother me with kisses from his mouth, for your love is better than wine.

It begins with a kiss.

I was talking to my husband the other day about kissing. You know there are times when he is kissing me and it’s nice and all, but I have this feeling that he is not completely there. And there are other times, when all I can say is “wow”. It just kind of takes my breath away. Those times when he knows I am sad or upset or just needs some extra loving, he can kiss me and every thing just melts away. It is as if he has lifted the smudge from my body and my mind and it makes everything better.

So what is different? He is in tune to me and what I am going through. He is totally focused on me. He lingers long enough until he can tell he has made a difference. It begins with a kiss.

Your mission this week is to kiss your husband like you mean it. Linger a little longer, tune into him and transport him to another place. It will make a world of difference