Let your fingers do the walking

main8467If you got a chance to read about “The amusement park of orgasms” in Hot, Holy and Humorous, then you know that the first orgasm she describes is “The Roller Coaster Dip”. It is that mind blowing orgasm that swooshes down a free fall as it releases every ounce of sexual tension in your body. It can leave you feeling like a blob of putty that cannot move, speak or think.  It is the orgasm that results from stimulation of the clitoris by hands,  mouth, or whatever.

Direct stimulation of the clitoris is the most reliable way for women to orgasm. Many times it is the most defined orgasm especially if intercourse is not taking place at the same time. With clitoral stimulation , there is a clarity of where the sensations are coming and a radiating out from that point to the ends of our finger tips and toes and the top of our head.

For women that have never had an orgasm, giving yourself the freedom to do some self-exploration may be the best thing you ever do for your marriage. A book I read recently that worked with pre-orgasmic women, suggested spending an hour every day for 2-5 weeks to figure out what works for you. That sounds like an enormous amount of time. but why not. When we learn how to play an instrument or a sport, we commit to practice on a regular basis for years. So why not commit to learning your body, so that you can teach your husband?

Even for women that orgasm on a regular basis, it is not unusual for orgasms resulting from self stimulation to physically feel the strongest, and we might wonder how this can be.


Do you love yourself?

Cymbidium orchid flower, close-upGirls and boys have such different experiences discovering their bodies.

By the time boys are potty training, they are forming a very hands on relationship with their penis. It is part of everyday life to touch and hold their penis, and it can quickly become a best friend. They know what it looks like, what it feels like, and how it changes with temperature, and there is really nothing dirty about their penis. It is simply part of who they are.

Girls on the other hand, are physically created very differently. Our parts are tucked inside and may never be touched, besides the occasional wiping with a piece of toilet paper. If you wanted to actually see what was down there, you’d have to either bend like a pretzel, or dare to pull out a mirror. Even  in a mirror, our bodies are distantly removed when we view them through a reflection. Girls grow up not knowing that they have 3 holes, all they know is that dirty stuff comes out down there, and you better wash your hands with soap and water afterwards.

I ask the question, “Do you love yourself?” because I am not sure many of us really do.


Are you willing to fight for it?


Yesterday I was supposed to write a blog and I just could not bring myself to do it. My husband and I were still in the middle of working through something that had popped out of nowhere in our marriage bed the night before, and I was still too raw.

It amazes me how vulnerable I am in my marriage bed. I like to say, I am like a sea anemone. I gradually open up, until my tentacles are freely flowing in the current, enjoying being tossed about with the movement of the tide, receptive to new experiences and comfortable receiving whatever comes my way. But when I am totally opened up, my most sensitive spot is also exposed. My deepest, most personal, most private self is laid out for my husband. He knows me like no one else, but it is not easy, because all it takes is one little prick to that most sensitive spot, and I immediately close to protect myself.


What Are You Willing To Try?



I’ve been studying the anonymous surveys from the women that attended my advanced class “How to have an orgasm during intercourse”. In the survey I asked 2 simple questions…

How often do you orgasm during intercourse?

  1. Most times
  2. Some times
  3. Never

I orgasm during intercourse (check all that apply)

  1. Hands free
  2. With the help of His hands
  3. With the help of my hands
  4. With the help of a vibrator
  5. Other
  6. Never

Although my survey only included about 24 women I think some things can be gleaned from the answers. Not surprisingly the majority of the women were in the category of “Some times”, with a handful each in the “Most times” and the “Never” categories.


What is SEX?

Recently I  read a book that talked about women who allowed themselves to enjoy “everything but ___ ” before marriage.  They spent hours with their boyfriends, kissing and exploring each other’s bodies, and they could hardly hold the line because they loved it so much.

Then they got married….and all that kissing and touching went by the wayside. They and their husband could now partake in the main event, intercourse. Even if there was still some kissing and touching, it was just a prelude to intercourse. It wasn’t very long before the wife felt like it wasn’t that great anymore, and she could take it or leave it.

So what changed? It wasn’t just the fact that they were married, it was what they focused on and spent their time on. Every time she would get going and start to enjoy things, they transitioned to intercourse, because now they could have “sex”.


What is holding YOU back?

So, why don’t you think you deserve it?

Maybe you are just apathetic and don’t think that it is that important to you. I constantly hear from wives that they want their husbands to open up, and share their feelings and deepest longings. Sex is one of the mysterious ways that God gets men to open up. Sex is also one of the mysterious ways that God teaches wives to live in the moment, to stop worrying, to let go of control, to feel, to live. Wake up! Sex is important!


Do You Deserve It?


“Do I need to have an orgasm? I just enjoy feeling close to my husband.”

“Sometimes I don’t say anything because I don’t want to make my husband feel bad.”

“It seems like so much pressure to expect myself to be able to have an orgasm every time.”

Women seem so willing to settle when it comes to sex.

Can you imagine a husband saying, “Don’t worry about me. I just enjoy feeling close to you,” as they watch us experience fireworks that shudder through our entire body.  Fireworks that spread a sense of euphoria that leaves us unable to speak, think, or move. Time after time, they bow out saying, “don’t worry about me – it is too much time, too much work, too much trouble”. It’s hard to imagine isn’t it?


What does God say about sex

My goal this Fall is to post on Mondays the series  “The sex you want” and Thursday I will post a short mission, something fun you can do with your spouse.

I spend a lot of time reading about sex – Christian books, secular books, how to manuals, research studies, therapy books  – and trust me, there is no lack of opinions. It can be easy to get caught up in what the latest book says and so it is with awe and respect that I have to constantly remind myself, “Go back to the source. What does God say about sex, what does the bible say?”


Discoveries in Sex

Masters_Of_SexI’ve been reading the book” Masters of Sex” that chronicles the life of William Masters and Virginia Johnson who revolutionized sex in the 1960’s. Previous to their studies, even doctors knew absolutely nothing about the actual physiology of sex, especially for women. If wives went to their ob/gyn with a question, they were simply given a hug and told that everything would be ok. In fact, Master’s and Johnson’s initial medical articles on sex were scorned because not even doctors dared to talk about sex.

Masters and Johnson monitored and observed over 10,000 orgasms resulting from self-stimulation or intercourse over a period of 10 years. They studied heart rates, pulse, changes in coloration, breath rates and even made a camera to observe what happens inside the vagina. It is doubtful that a study will ever be allowed again of this magnitude.


Enhancing your Senses

chocosundaeThe last facet of cultivating a supersexual mindset is enhancing your senses. Really I could do a whole series on how to enhance each sense and I may some time in the future, but for now, let’s just tackle the sense of taste.

In class we practiced focusing on the sense of taste by slowly letting a Dove dark chocolate melt in our mouth with our eyes closed. The room was so quiet, I felt like every sound was magnified and people must have been able to hear every swallow. The chocolate was smooth as silk, and just the moment to relax and truly experience the flavor made it taste so much better.  Sometimes I can pound down a handful of chocolates in the midst of a million other things that I am doing, and I don’t really enjoy it or even taste it.

Experiencing sex can be a lot like tasting chocolate. You can just go through the motions, or you can truly experience your spouse. You can taste him, smell him, hear his heart beat, see into the depths of his eyes, and feel his body tremble. You can truly know him.

Focusing on just one of your senses while you have sex, forces you to remain very present. It stretches the sense that you are focusing on, and forces you to learn new things.

So this week, let’s focus on the sense of taste. First,taste your husband all  by himself. Lick and kiss his body all over, and really taste him. Then  add some toppings and taste him with chocolate sauce and whipped cream. Have fun and enjoy.