I believe God wants us to have a freedom in our marriage bed that we cannot even imagine possible. I think it is supposed to be this little taste of what the Garden of Eden was like before sin came into the world. Adam and Eve were completely exposed and vulnerable. They saw everything, knew everything and they felt no shame. There was nothing to hide. What a joy!
I want to experience that with my husband. I want him to “know” me – good and bad. I want to have this safe place in my marriage bed where I don’t have to hide who I am. It takes time and trust, but beyond that, it takes me being vulnerable. I have to be willing to talk about things that shaped my core, sometimes good things and sometimes painful things. But I want my husband to know all of me.
This week as part of your assignment, I would like you to sit down and write a complete sexual history by yourself. Start at your earliest childhood memories and work your way to the present. Think about things that shaped who you are, and if they have affected your attitude about sex or yourself, or how you view men or your freedom in your marriage bed.
Then with a friend or with your husband, spend some time praying to God. Ask for healing where healing is needed. Ask for repentance where repentance is needed. Ask for a new mind where attitudes need to be changed. Change can happen in an instant or it can be a process of peeling back the layers like an onion, but God can change us. We do not need to keep carrying these things around with us. Instead take it to God and be done with it. When you are done, destroy the sexual history paper however you see fit, but do not leave it lying around.
How much you share with your husband is something that you need to prayerfully consider. It is not the details that he needs to know, but rather how you allowed something from your past to affect your attitude. For instance, if you were promiscuous before marriage, and then when you got married you felt guilty for doing the things you used to do outside of marriage, you need to repent for that attitude. Or if all you heard from church was “don’t do it” and you struggle with really allowing yourself to enjoy sex and freedom in your marriage bed, then you need to take responsibility for that attitude. Part of change is making right what is wrong, and that includes how we have impacted our husband and our marriage. Don’t beat yourself up; instead open yourself up in order for healing to take place. Allow God to forgive you and you to forgive yourself.
I believe God wants so much for our marriages and they can be such a profound picture of what God wants with us. He does not want to just coexist with us – He has a passion for us. He does not want to just know the good parts of us, He wants all of us. He does not want to just please us, He wants to bless our socks off! God is a big God and He is good.
Ruth and Melanie